Announcing Smart Bitches, Trashy Books - an Amazon company!

It's true! We were bought by Amazon. How exciting, huh?

As part of their commitment to owning delivering everything, and we do mean everything, they've purchased me and the site. You'd think that would mean I'm about to relocate to a beach and take up permanent sand-covered residence while they run the site in all sorts of crazy clever directions.

Ha! No. As an Amazon company, we're leveraging the power of consumer reviews and Amazon's already-impressive shipping reach to deliver review content in real time.

I'm now part of their shipping department, so if you select "same day delivery" for any Smart Bitches review item, I will show up on your porch and tell you about the book you just bought. Sometimes I'll bring gifs. Sometimes I'll bring John DeSalvo.

If you select two-day delivery, I'll have slightly more time to come up with accessories, so the review might take the form of porch-side interpretive dance, or a somewhat awkward discussion as to why I'm in a box on your stoop, along with two books, some granola bars, undergarments and a set of winter tires. I suggest, in the interest of our own preservation, that you always order a snack with your books. That way, if I'm in there, I won't be hungry and cranky when you open your book delivery. And if your order does not come with a reviewer included, you get snacks! Everybody wins!

If you're ordering Kindle books, I'll appear as a well-dressed hologram on top of your reader, to tell you about the book and also what the inside of your Kindle looks like. I hope no one purchases books while I'm in the shower.

With our assimilation acquisition as an Amazon company, you no longer need to go on the internet to find reviews. Amazon - which is one letter away from the word "Amazin," just saying - brings the product, the reviews, and the reviewers to you.

Now, I'm not supposed to tell you this (Amazon is known for secrecy after all) but I had heard a few rumors that they were also planning to buy GoodReads. My understanding is that those reviewers may also be included in this program. Imagine having the entire GoodReads community show up on your doorstep! Good times!

How much will this awesomeness cost? A penny! Yes, not even legal currency any longer in Canada, but what do they know? All you need to get a reviewer with your book is one extra cent.

Have a look at a sample product - my 2011 book, Everything I Know About Love, I Learned from Romance Novels. For one penny extra, you can have me show up on your doorstep and give you a review of everything. EVERYTHING.



I can't wait to visit with each of you personally and tell you about the books you've ordered. And also to use your toilet.

SEE YOU SOON. VERY SOON.

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