Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

Link the first: New York Magazine reviews Toby Barlow’s Sharp Teeth, a werewolf story told in poem format.

From the review written by Sam Anderson:

Anyone terrified by the rigors of poetry—its arcane references, pickled language, and subtle Keatsian line-stitching—has nothing to fear from Sharp Teeth. Its verse is prosy, slangy, aggressively unchallenging, and very, very, very free. Occasionally a tiny herd of iambs will break free and gallop in formation (“they kill to fuck, they kill to eat/and they sleep in the noonday sun”), or nouns will line up in rhythmic strings (“Bone, love, meat, gristle, heat, anger, exhaustion, drive, hunger, blood, fat, marrow”), or a sentence will fold itself neatly into a couplet (“Smiling straight into Venable’s eyes/Cutter chews up the last of the fries”). But most of the book reads like nice snappy prose arbitrarily pinched into fragments. Its tone is often so determinedly anti-poetic it would have made Wordsworth (advocate of “language really used by men”) vomit into the nearest cold lake....

Werewolves in poem format? Holy cow. Romance fans have been reading about lycanthropes ad nauseum. I’ve read many of the werewolf romances, and some, like Armstrong’s Bitten are on my personal top ten best romances list. Not a mention of the prevalence of paranormal lunarly-hairy folk in the romance genre in the article, of course. You’d think the whole werewolf thing just popped outta nowhere.

Link the second: First, glaze your eyes at the odd juxtaposition of Fabio depicted in an article about Mills & Boon’s 100th Anniversary, and try not to get too upset over the tired and limp romance stereotypes being flung about with heedless abandon. No, wait, I have to leave a note to any author being challenged on her career of writing romance: you do yourself and the genre NO FAVORS by being snide about “pretentious literature” when defending your own. You can stand up for your own work without demeaning the work of others.

Now, imagine this article in the hands of the ever-so-creative Amazon.com Statistical Analysis Team:

The books certainly have a special place in Hilda Raine’s heart. Indeed, she believes the novels, as well as a passion for Liquorice Allsorts, have helped her live to a ripe old age.

The Sunderland grandmother-of-two, who celebrated her 104th birthday last week, reads up to 10 romance novels each week – all published by Mills & Boon, of course.

“There is no bad language in them, but very often there is a good sense of humour, which makes them lovely to read. They make me feel happy,” said Hilda.

“I don’t like to sleep all day, I like to read a good Mills & Boon instead. It is good for you, and keeps your brain and eyes working together.”

Staff at The Croft Care Home in High Barnes, where Hilda has lived for the past 12 years, have even set aside a special reading corner for her and her beloved books.

“I don’t have a favourite; I love them all, although I do like a nice family story. I could sit reading them all day. Well, I do actually!” she said.

“Do they make me feel young again? Come off it! But reading a Mills & Boon helps to pass the time beautifully, as I’m a bit of a romantic at heart. Well, aren’t we all?”

Hilda was just four years old when young entrepreneurs Gerald Mills and Charles Boon joined forces to launch Mills & Boon back in 1908.

I can see the headline now: Romance leads to longevity! Read romance, and you’ll live to be over 100!

Link the Third: Thanks to commenter and journalist Sara Brady, Smart Bitches has made the big, big hugely huge news: we are in the Metro! The Metro is a free paper distributed to commuters all over Manhattan, and that huge collection of half-awake uncaffeinated readers got a treat today: Brady’s article discusses the state of the romance genre. What, a positive article on romance? Boo yah! Well played, Ms. Brady!

And finally, in honor of Super Tuesday, and the half-asleep up-since-2:30am vote I cast this morning: a saucy graphic for your enjoyment. Ok, well, I enjoyed it. But I like Varga girls.

Courtesy of Jeaniene Frost who sent me much linkage, avast! A story so delicious, you’ll stick your own foot in your mouth.

Reporter Jane Henderson of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch posted on her St. Louis Today book blog an entry that has made a lot of people reach for their high blood pressure medicine. In her entry Laurell K. Hamilton knock-off for teens? she discusses a galley she received of Melissa Marr’s Ink Exchange, a YA paranormal novel about a teen who gets a tattoo and finds herself involved with the Faerie Court. Marr also wrote the highly acclaimed Wicked Lovely.

Henderson finds the similarities between the book - despite not actually having read Marr’s novel - and Hamilton’s Merry Gentry story startling.

Herein begins what I think of as The Hat Trick of Stupid Things Written in One Entry and One Comment. Hold onto your feet, folks.

Of course the cliche is that ‘imitation is the sincerest form of flattery’ but where does flattery end and copyright infringement begin? The book’s jacket even looks like the photos on Hamilton’s books.

Shit, if plots involving faeries are all infringing upon one another, especially in the legally sharp mind of that reporter, imagine the future wasteland of legal action to be enjoyed by each and every story featuring a vampire: “Your character sucks blood! MY Character sucks blood! YOU SUCK AND YOU ARE GOING DOWN, BEEEEYATCH!”

And the covers are similar? They do resemble the Jean Butt trend - except that Marr’s cover isn’t a jean butt so much as a shoulder. And doesn’t resemble the Hamilton cover as much as it does other YA books attempting to market a seductive tale to the YA market.

But wait we’re not done. Not satisfied to toss around the words “copyright” and “infringement” with such abandon as to make a barrister blush, Henderson goes on to say:

Another issue: A lot of parents might not think this series should be marketed to 12-year-olds, as it apparently will be. There’s a lot of difference between a 17-year-old girl and a 12-year-old girl.

On the other hand, most of the popular series being marketed to teen girls seem to involve beauty, sex and lots of designer purses. Maybe fantasy tattoos and paranormal love interests are no worse.  I’m not suggesting that books lead girls down the path to teen pregnancy. But with the sexualization of girls starting so young in all facets of culture, should parents speak up about what they see?  Thoughts?

Wow, did you miss that jump? Let’s recap in slow motion like we’re a sports show: This book with a 17 year-old protagonist may be marketed to 12 year old girls, just like many other popular series for young readers that feature slightly older protagonists. Speeding up past beauty! Sex! Designer purses! Fantasy Tattoos and paranormal love interests! And then we come to a SCREECHING HALT AT TEEN PREGNANCY! Whoa!

Holy. Shit.

Man, that was a Could Have Been An Interesting Question About Teen Sexuality blindsided by some WTF-tastic non sequiturs. Oooh, ooh can I try? Can I? Here’s mine! “Are book covers for YA novels more sexy and dark in imagery now? Yup. Sure are. Have prom dresses been skimpy and over-sexualized since I went prom dress shopping 15 years ago? Sure have! So are YA novel covers reflecting a sexualization of young people that’s been a standard for years? Possibly - but then, the novels often depict consequences or at least some healthy dose of reality for that sexual exploration, whereas mere images just contribute to the glamour of it. But then, I actually read YA novels, so I don’t know what I’m talking about at all.”

And the finale to this jaw drop of a newspaper book blog entry: Lindsay York Levack of the blog UrbanFantasyland sounds off like merde and mon dieu on Henderson’s request for “Thoughts?” by nailing a 5 point list that knocks the extraneous bullshit off Henderson’s entry, and addresses the points Henderson attempts to make about YA, sexuality, cover images, faerie tales, and writing. York Levack ends with a pointed, “Do your homework.” Well played, Ms. York Levack.

Melissa Marr, the author, commented on that entry and said that, surprisingly, she did have input to the cover art, and thinks that it’s an “iconographic image that ties to the plot.” Further, Marr says,

Interestingly, the idea that a fully clad, not sexualized girl with wings is similar to LKH’s covers does confuse me a bit. No bare midriff or legs, no scanty attire–instead it’s a face and upper back . . . Hmm. To each his/her own, I guess.

Another well played for you, Ms. Marr.

And for you, Ms. Henderson: NAUGHTY CORNER! No Cookie! Why?

While we’re on the subject of the Harlequin/Silhouette titles, most specifically the Presents line, take a look at this: The Romantic Novelists’ Association has announced the shortlist for the Romance Prize for 2008. The finalists are:

• Lucy Gordon’s The Mediterranean Rebel’s Bride
• Liz Fielding’s The Secret Life Of Lady Gabriella
• Fiona Harper’s Her Parenthood Assignment and English Lord, Ordinary Lady
  
• Kate Hardy’s Breakfast at Giovanni’s, which I had trouble finding in Amazon.com (that link is to Amazon.co.uk).
  
• Julie Cohen’s Driving Him Wild
  

Now here is where I get confused: Julie Cohen’s book is about to be released in the US, but under a different title: instead of Driving Him Wild, we American folks will have to look for His For The Taking.

What the shitting crap is that all about? I’ve long refrained from reading too much into the category titles because it might make my head spin around on my neck, but take a look at that: “Driving Him Wild?” Female in control. “His for the Taking?” Lie there and take it! What kind of passive female crap is that?! American audiences prefer a male-dominant title? That’s pretty much the only conclusion I can draw from the decision to change the title, unless one of the new marketing hook words is “Taking.”

I’d like to be Taking this opportunity to ask: what the hell is up with the titles, yo? Seriously? Not just that one - all of them!

It's that time of year: we're t-minus one month away from Valentine's Day, and it's time once again for media outlets to start pestering the romance writers because certainly romance writers, they are More Romantic and Sexy than the rest of us mere mortals. Pass the feather boa, because I need one to finish this entry.

A brilliant author forwarded me the following request from the Washington Post, and it is so over the top, well, judge for yourself:

Dear Romance Writers,

For a Valentine's Day story for the Washington Post Home Section, I'm hoping to feature the bedrooms of a couple of local romance writers (who better to create a romantic ambience [sic] than you creative ladies? And if there is a man among you with a romantic bedroom, that would be totally cool).

I'd appreciate it if you could send my query to your Washington area members to explain what I'm seeking:

*A couple of digital pictures of your romantic boudoir, preferably in daylight (even if it was designed to look fab in candlelight).

* You should be in at least one of the photos, since if you're chosen, you will probably be in the picture. (Feel free to wrap yourself in a feather boa or come-hither pegnoir).

*Your bedroom certainly does not have to be "done" by a professional designer or decorator, but it should look good (if you want to declutter a bit before photographing the space, by all means, have at it).

*The rooms do not have to be frilly/girly/pink, Victorian or any other stereoptyical romance-writer look. They can be Zen, minimialist, historic, Art Deco, Scottish tartan, country, shabby chic, cowgirl funky, whatever. The room just has to telegraph Romance and Love.

*Those of you who want to share your sanctum sanctorum should include a couple of paragraphs about what is romantic about it (extra points given for a heart shaped bed), and perhaps where some of your favorite things came from (great granny, your first great love, Wal-Mart, Sotheby's),

* I'll need your real name and your nom de plume, as well as a daytime phone number so I can get in touch with you. Practically speaking, the rooms we choose will probably have to be no further than 50 -75 miles from downtown Washington so we can get a Post photographer there to shoot it.

Ladies, this is your chance to spread a little Romance Writer Valentine cheer to your readers and to ours. I do hope you'll spread the word. I need the images and little eassays [sic] in hand by Jan. 25 so we can shoot the following week.

Thanks in advance for all your help. I remain,

Breathlessly yours, ----

• It is news around the world - a top story - that Jamie Lynn Spears, Britney’s 16 year-old sister, is pregnant.
• Comments following that story like cars on a really long ass train are words like “white trash,” “trailer,” “stupid,” “idiot,” “low class,” and “what the fuck?”
• Because place of birth, intellect, present domicile and access to fame and attention definitely contribute to increased rates of teen pregnancy. And only poor people find themselves with unplanned pregnancies.
• Really, is it a surprise that, given the state of the American political attitude toward women’s health issues, birth control, condom availability for teenagers, and sexual education among young people, that a 16 year old got pregnant?
• Obviously, money and some external standard of behavior and style are the real defense against unwanted, unplanned pregnancy.
• Reforming our collective attitude towards sex and birth control, and lobbying to make birth control options and sexual education available to young people in the US, that’s not the answer at all. No, no, no. Can’t have young people having access to affordable birth control. Or information about sexual reproduction.
• Imagine the stink if she had elected to have an abortion and THAT story got out. Poor kid.
• It’s much more productive to roll eyes, point and sneer, laugh and make jokes about some 16-year-old sister of a deeply troubled and self-destructive famous person because she got pregnant unintentionally.
• Yeah, that makes sense. 
• I’m going back to my news fast, (which won’t do me much good because this story is freaking everywhere) because I can think of ten or eleven better things to do with my time than make fun of a 16 year old who is in a really tough position, AND has to deal with being a top story around the world on top of her unplanned pregnancy. 
• Can you imagine? Most teenagers who find themselves with an unplanned pregnancy deal with having friends, family, and strangers talking about them. Spears knows that people around the world are talking about her. Holy shit.
• Number one on my list of better things to do: a donation to PlannedParenthood.
• Hey, cool! Between now and 31 December 2007, all gifts are matched up to $250,000. (Please note: I’m feeling profoundly squidgy by passing that info on, like I’m telling you what to do with your money. I’m not.)
• Take that, Bill Napoli and anyone who stands in the way of open dialogue with young people in the US about sexuality, reproduction, birth control, abortion, and women’s and men’s sexual health issues.