Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

Happy holidays, bitches. Bitches like you need something real, so please enjoy this video and know that if we had junk to put in a box, we’d TOTALLY DO IT FOR YOU. Because that’s how much we love you.

(My estimation of Justin Timberlake has rocketed sky-high due to this one video. For realz.)

Bitchery reader Suzanne sent me a link to this snort-worthy comic that adds a modern twist to the end of a romance novel. Personally, I hope happily-ever-after does involve a recliner because woodamn those things are comfy.

But I do have to point out one fallacy: HEROES have jet black hair. Heroines can have black hair, but it’s usually described in terms of “fathomless depths of midnight” or whatall. Jet, while describing a bead, also calls to mind aviation travel, and there are few things more overtly phallic than a jet plane. Jeez people. If you’re going to mock my art, get it right. As Candy says, “God is in the details.”

When Sarah and I first started this site, we decided on Smart Bitch Aristocratic Titles for ourselves. She was Duchess of Cuntington, and I was Baroness Gant D’Amour. Now, after unravelling the explosive mystery of my secret paternity, which may or may not involve the King of Sardinia, the mysterious disappearance of a gallon of lube and several cans of shaving cream, a villainous group of crocodile smugglers, an international ring of jewel thieves composed of vegan Maenads, and a burly footman named Morris, I found out I was heir to another title:

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is: Milady the Most Honourable Candy the Extemporaneous of Deep Throcking Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

What’s your title?

Bitchery reader June forwarded me this email, a message to which I can only say, “Holy Shit.”

A friend of hers subscribes to a job offer listserv, and the following message came on by:

Write Online Book Reviews

We need 5 reviewers for 3 of our newly released titles. We ask that you write a 1-3 Paragraph review with a 5 star rating (5 being best) of each of the 3 books. We will then ask that you forward the reviews over to us so that we can look over them before you post them on Amazon.com and Barns and Noble.com.

Most of our reviewers are paid from $5- to $10 per review or $15.00 to $30.00 per 3 review book set. Unfortunately, Amazon has recently instituted a new procedure whereby you can only review books if you have an account that you have used to purchase books / products from them before, so in order to bid you must have an account with Amazon that you have used to purchased books with them from before. You are bidding on writing 5 reviews and posting them to Amazon.com, BarnesandNoble.com and lulu.com

Apply for this job here:

Write Reviews for Company Books

Now, we’ve had the discussion before that Amz. reviews at this point can and must be taken with a grain of large and salty suspicion, but jeez. $5 to $10 a review?! I have to wonder where the money is coming from for the reviewing, and how they choose the books what get the good reviews. 

Fabio is busy convincing me to try I Can’t Believe it’s Not Butter in his tiger-pelt strewn living room, so I’m guessing he can’t also be playing on the Make Your Own Romance Cover page, too. Does this stop me from uploading images and having a good old wasting-of-time? Heck, no!

Miri was kind enough to forward me the think. Now I have to get my fine romance cover printed out so I can put it all over the house. Check me out. I’m savagely awesome, I think.