Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

Joyce Ellen Armond of Spec Romance Online has guest-written a column about the potential of cross-breeding horror and romance. Beginning with the ever-able vampire romance, Armond is of the opinion that it can be done, despite slightly differing expectations on the part of the reader.

What say you? Horror + romance = crazy delicious? Can you blend characters the reader can invest in without fearing for the monsterly demise with the heart-stopping terror of a good horror story? Can you root for some serious scary crap without, as Armond puts it, fearing a DOA ending instead of a HEA?

I think that’s where the new paranormals could be going - scarier plots plus more romance. Characters that are vivid and empathetic, with truly scary and potentially terrifying obstacles facing them. There’s only so much vampire angst readers will devour before it’s time for new monsters. However, Trixie and The Blob might make for some challenging blocking when it comes to a love scene.

A Smart Bitchery reader brought the following to my attention: Julia Quinn is offering ebook second-epilogues to her past publications on her site for $1.99, or $1.59 at 20% discount. According to her note to her readers, it’s a chance to find out “what happened to your favorite characters after you closed the final page,” and for Ms. Quinn to revisit some of her favorite character creations, I’m sure. I’ve wondered if authors who write a story miss the characters once they’ve finished the book; I’m sure they do.

The Bitchery reader, who is a self-professed Julia Quinn fan, was quite perturbed by the idea, and hopes this does not start a trend among big authors. Several have offered additional epilogues, such as Eloisa James, and multiple prologues, as did Kelley Armstrong, but neither party asked readers to pay for the privilege of a visit with the protagonists of a much-enjoyed book.

Personally, I’m not sure how I feel about this, either. I wouldn’t pay $2 for 30 pages to revisit with the characters from The Viscount Who Loved Me or It’s In His Kiss, but that’s because I like to imagine my own happily ever after-after, and don’t always enjoy the replay of matrimonial bliss when characters from past books come into the newer book I’m reading from that author. In fact, Quinn is one of the few writers who can pull it off and not disrupt my own imaginings of what happened to the protagonists.

Candy, after I emailed her the link, said, “It sounds like Quinn is basically providing a service usually filled by fanfic, i.e. providing a glimpse into what goes on with favorite characters’ lives after the book ends.” But she agrees with our source that it also implies that the story isn’t complete and finished, and doesn’t really stand on its own.

Yet neither of us blink even the slightest amount at James or Armstrong offering prequels and epilogues for registered visitors to their author sites, or offering later stories for download online. I agree that the issue is definitely the commerce involved. What do you think? 

I took a quick peek at the Amazon new releases in romance, which are, land sakes, updated hourly. Candy and I should quit our jobs and update this site hourly, don’t you think? No, wait, Amazon uses a computer for part of that updating. Ok, never mind.

Does anyone else buy books just for vacation reading, or is that just me? I used to LOVE summer book shopping, though I read so fast that what I bought didn’t last me too long. And I learned the hard way NEVER to buy a hardback for vacation reading, because two years later I STILL have not picked up Nora Roberts’ Northern Lights because oh holy God that book is HEAVY in hardback. No way is that going in the luggage!

Next month, Hubby, Freebird, and I are going on vacation to Montana, to go hike and look at the pretty scenery that’s not a metropolis, and eat and hike and read while watching the moose go by (I can dream, right?). So I’m starting to check out the new releases to see what’s on the bookshelves now.

The list is heavy with vampires and some mantitty, but before I wade in, I want to ask: what are your summer reading purchases? What books are you saving for vacation, or bringing along in your beach bag? 

I’m sure all of you have seen the latest dust-up over at AAR, since you don’t live under a rock like I currently do (my rock suspiciously resembles the LSAT Superprep *weeps*), but in case you haven’t, here’s my 100%-accurate-or-your-money-back executive summary of the high points: reader posts opinion about what readers really want, writer of historicals posts a bunch of random, half-cocked crap about Ellora’s Cave and something that comes dangerously close to sounding like anti-intellectual pablum in the course of defending wallpaper historicals, and gets kinda pissy when people point out that she’s kinda fulla crap.

My favorite post so far, however, is by Lydia Joyce. I’ve never read anything she’s written--Veil of Night received excellent buzz but flunked my 15-page test, and now I’m contemplating Music of the Night, but my rock, it is very insistent I stay here for several more weeks--but holy cow, she knocks it out of the ballpark, in terms of expressing exactly what bothers me about a lot of historical romances.

I’m going to take the liberty of quoting her at length here:

Bitchery reader Joyce sent us the following article about a composite sketch of “the perfect man.”

Go ahead and check out that article. I’ll wait.

Are you thinking what I’m thinking? Duh-duh duh-duh DUDE LOOKS LIKE A LADY!

Now that Steven Tyler is shimmying around in my brain shaking his be-ribboned groove thang about dudes what look like ladies, let’s discuss. What is UP with that? Are all the women in the sample group outlandishly gay? Did the researchers look for women with Danskos and one of the seven lesbian haircuts? As Joyce pointed out, that image isn’t even on the same planet as the “ideal man” in the CG-artist’s realm. That image needs man titty like DAMN.

Aside from the discussion of what specifically constitutes attractiveness and beauty, and whether it’s a person’s features linearly adhering to a grid or just simple symmetry, the article raises a question that must plague the art department - what does an attractive male look like? Is there a common denominator for most women that can be drawn, or better yet, Poser-ed? Granted the sample of images used to generate Mr. Girly Hot Man was very small, and the sample of women rating the ballot of images was small as well, so we’re not talking about a major study. But are we working with dichotomous images of manhood that can’t be merged - the sexy studly macho alpha mantitty-sporting mega dude, and the “slightly effeminate image of a man with such traits as willingness to help, honesty, an emotional temper and love for children.” Or - do we want Mr. Girly Hot Man trapped in the body of Fabio DeSalvo?

In the opinion of a woman who likes her men short and dorky, neither image really does it for me. What about you?