by SB Sarah • Wednesday, March 26, 2008 at 08:32 AM
The following arrived in the inbox of massive numbers yesterday:
Dear Smart Bitch Sarah:
I was reading the threads as the GH and RITA nominees were announced, and saw that a few people posted on behalf of or in congrats to their CP - critique partner. My question is this: How do I find a critique partner?
This is going to sound so snobby, but I’ve been in a few critique groups before, in various place and in a few different sizes, and I’ve hated the experience. There’s always someone who goes on at length when it’s your turn to be critiqued and without fail makes it all about themselves and their story in progress - and then there’s the critique that does little to address the faults I’ve asked for help with. I get all kinds of comments that make no difference but few that actually help me where I’ve asked for help.
Please don’t think I am not listening. I am. I mean, I do listen. But often the input I’ve received isn’t applicable to the historical romance I’m writing, and sometimes, I think, it’s delivered with disdain for my chosen genre.
I live too far from a local RWA chapter, and there are so many online groups to choose from I’m totally lost. What should I do, post a personal ad? “Sardonic, witty writer working on historical romance seeks critique partner. Must be willing to set and adhere to firm deadlines and page numbers, offer honest but thoughtful critique - only one use of the word ‘awkward’ per email, please - and provide motivation and encouragement as well. I promise to do the same, and do so with my complete attention to your work in exchange for your equal attention to mine. Use of the following characters in email prohibited: ~ * # : { }.”
I know I sound like a raging asshole, but I’m having a hard time finding a romance critique partner who wants to work one-on-one with a goal toward publication and career, not as a hobby that’s fun in addition to lots of email chat about pets and kids and tv. I have plenty of friends. I need a working partner and don’t know where to go.
Of course, I just read over that and I really, really do sound like a complete ass. Maybe this is a lost cause and I’m better off alone.
Yours in bitching,
S.A
Ah, yes, the hobbyist vs. the professional aspirant. And the overuse of cutesy characters in email messages. I’ve heard from a few aspiring writers of romance that separating the serious writers from the people who want to say they’re “working on a novel” can be a challenge, even within RWA chapters and other writing organizations that have excellent reputations.
As I am not a Professional Writer of Fiction, I honestly don’t know where S.A. might go for a critique partner who considers writing romance “Serious Business.” What would your advice be?
My advice is rather pithy, I’m afraid: keep your eyes and ears open. Spread the word among writers you know and trust who may already have critique partners, and let them know who and what you’re looking for. And above all: don’t compromise. If you are serious about your writing, and you are serious about wanting to write romance professionally, you owe it to yourself to find someone whom you think takes writing as seriously as you do. In other words, six thousand people might think you an asshole for laying out what you’re looking for, but there’s probably one - or more than one - who is looking for you in similar terms.
That said, I have heard that some writers are better left to their own devices. Some folks work best in a vacuum. And yes, while you have absolutely the right goals in mind to ask for outside input to strengthen your writing, it may be that your best method is to work independently until you have a finished product - and you have found someone who agrees to read your manuscript.
Good luck!
by SB Sarah • Thursday, October 18, 2007 at 11:54 AM
I received an email message from an aspiring writer who wishes to remain anonymous, but who asked for my ever-so-stellar advice with the following problem:
Dear Smart Bitch Sarah:
You gave some damn-sharp advice the last time someone wrote to you, so I wanted to ask your help with my problem. I’m part of a critique group of four writers, and while one of them, let’s call her “Ann,” is amazing and so helpful when she reads my work, the other two are less helpful. “Beth” gives comments and critiques that are very minimal, so I’ve learned to take her with a grain of salt. But “Carrie” is my problem. She doesn’t pull her share at all. She never meets our deadlines and has some excuse every time, and she doesn’t give our work half the attention she seems to expect for her own writing. I get nothing but frustration out of dealing with her and I seem to be the only one who finds her to be a flake. But I was invited to join the group by Ann, and I’m the newest member so I don’t want to cause trouble. Plus, Ann’s critique of my work in progress has helped me so much, I’m unwilling to leave and lose her excellent advice. What would you do?
Discouraged Writer
Dear Discouraged:
There are two important and vital truths to your problem. First, the only person who you can change in this situation is you. I’m not saying you should let Carrie slide when she misses a deadline that everyone else has worked hard to meet. Missing deadlines is one of my mega huge honking behemoth pet peeves, and it’s insulting when you’ve busted your ass only to see her to hand over an excuse every time. So speak up - you have every right as a member of the group to say that you’ve set aside time to read Carrie’s work, and if she’s repeatedly late and missing deadlines, you can’t devote as much time as you’d like to your share of the process. Particularly, if she doesn’t like what you’ve said or thinks you’ve done or said too little, point out again that she’s creating the situation by not respecting the agreed-upon deadlines.
But really, the only person you can change is yourself - meaning Carrie isn’t going to change. Clearly she’s not entirely serious about her writing, and it’s not a top priority for her as it is for you. So you have to change your reaction to her if you want to stay in the group - and it sounds like you do for the sake of Ann’s contributions to your work. You’ve already learned from her errors - deadlines, clearly, are important. Now you have to manage to take Carrie’s flakiness less personally. It’s not about you - it’s probably more about Carrie getting attention. Focus less on the things that bug you about the group, and more on the things you value. Perhaps Carrie is the price you pay for working with Ann - unless Ann would like to work with you one on one. Never hurts to ask, and it could do wonders for both of you.
Which brings me to point two: that anger you get when dealing with her, rising like reflux after too much puttanesca? Inspiration, baby! Every time flake girl misses her deadline and offers some dumb excuse, channel that anger into your writing. Base a character on her, and enact your happy revenge on her sorry ass.
Flaky people drive me batshit, but they are part of life. Not everyone respects a deadline but your dedication and attention to your work will pay off. Good luck.
by SB Sarah • Friday, July 20, 2007 at 05:01 AM
An anonymous author has emailed me to ask for Bitchery advice about what to do when a former colleague and writing buddy turns green and cranky when you achieve success:
I noticed when I first signed with an agent, that my first writer friend kinda pulled away from me. I’d heard that she’d made some pretty unfriendly comments about me after I signed and questioned the integrity of the agent because maybe the agent only signed me because we had a great connection when we first met. Yeah, cuz you and I both know an agent can make a boatload of money off that “connection.” Anyway, I let it slide because I knew she had been struggling with her writing and probably it was more her insecurity talking than it was our friendship.
Well, now it seems to have gotten worse. This was the first conference since I’d sold and I had several people report that my friend was talking bad about me...making snarky comments and just generally not being very nice. I haven’t confronted her because personally, I don’t need the negative energy. But it’s seems ironic that my first writing friend is not my first writing back-stabber.
Have other newly pubbed authors had something similar happen to them? How have they handled it? Have you and Candy gone through anything like this yet?
Smart Bitch Advice, ahoy!
As potentially painful and hurting as this situation is, it sadly reveals as much about the character of your “friend” as it does about your own. While I’m sure every one of us would feel a twinge, large or cruise-ship-sized, of jealousy at the success of a close colleague who has suffered through the toils of the unpublished and moved onto the path of publication, I’m also sure that every fabulous one of us would say, “But if I were in that position, at least I would be happy for her in public, and congratulate her, and wouldn’t be a complete douchebag by going behind her back and shitcanning her credibility, success, and talent.”
Yes, but let’s be honest: on the inside, most of us would probably throw a big pity party and indulge in some moments of wallowing… on the INSIDE.
And that inside/outside line is the one that your “friend” crossed so blithely, and thus the character flaws are revealed. Bottom line: this person isn’t behaving the way friends do, and her action has revealed a great flaw of her own character, so it’s better you learn now and remember that flaw, since this person clearly does not have your best interests in mind. As you said - you don’t need that negativity, and it’s not like being extra special nice to her is going to help repair what she did. Only her saying, “Holy, holy, holy crap, can I tell you what a giant douchebag I was? And may I throw myself face down on the porch and volunteer to clean your sink trap for a year as penance, and hope one day to regain your forgiveness?” will potentially repair the damage, and really, let’s not hold our breath. There are some bitchy, catty people out there.
Why is that kettle telling me I’m black? Dammit!
Anyhoo, I’d certainly be curious how other authors have handled the Big Green Monster being unleashed at them, or, within them, and how they battled it.
As for Candy and me, I can’t speak for Her-Feather-Boa-Ness, but I can say that no one has directly said they hate my ass because we have an agent and a book deal. I can suppose that there’s some kind of grumbling or snarking or cranky commentary going on somewhere, but none that I’ve run into directly, so I do my best to read all the positive comments and ignore any meanness or subtle snideness.
But as that really corny song said, “Don’t waste your time with jealousy. Sometimes you’re ahead; sometimes you’re behind (or a behind). The race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.” Writing is a solitary business much of the time, and since it is, you have to surround yourself with truly supportive people. Certainly there is some ironic comfort in knowing who your friends aren’t! I’m sorry your “friend” has revealed that she’s really not your friend at all, but I am sure that you have other people who are supportive of your goals, and eventually, whatever positive things this “friend” provided will be provided amply by someone who doesn’t stab you in the back when you achieve your goal.
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