Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

Many adventures ensue. There is a stint in a traveling circus, a ride on a zeppelin, a meeting with three mysterious sisters, and an encounter with a famous artist (abstract or surrealist, definitely not representational). All of this is background for the main story, which involves a mystery solved by K and a famous female literary figure (a Bronte? Virginia Woolf? V.C. Andrews?) who is inspired by the events to write what will become her first novel.

Early in the book, there is a love triangle in which K becomes involved with a lighthouse keeper, a pirate, and a vampire (love square? love rhombus?) Apparently none of these affairs comes to fruition, as K ends up married and wearing a burquah in Iran (Afghanistan?) where she learns in a heartfelt, tender way the firsthand misery of life behind the veil. (Personally, I think it's likely that the patron is mixing the plot of two or more books. She's a regular and there is some medical history involved although she is one of our most devoted readers. So if part of this doesn't fit, please pass along your suggestions anyway.)

The patron describes the tone of the book as a "vivid, fast-paced historical romp with lyrical, nuanced prose." She says the writing is compelling and evocative, much like the works of Thackeray, Proust, or Robert Heinlein (!?), but with a youthful, angsty quality. (I added "with overtones of green apple, a soupcon of vanilla, playful hints of elderberry, and an earthy finish" as a little joke, but she just said "no, it was more spicy than fruity.")

She remembers the cover as sepia or gray in color, with red lettering. There was a picture of a woman (presumably K) but not a complete picture. It may, in fact, have been a picture of only her feet. One of the words in the title may have been a day of the week, or a month, or a season and at the time she read it, she remembers thinking that the title as a whole reminded her of a band name or a popular song title.

If all that weren't complicated enough, the patron thinks the book might be based on a true story or contained elements of memoir (get in line on that one, huh?) The patron swore that the book was co- written by James Patterson. I told her this last bit was unlikely, and that regardless, this information would not help us limit the search.

After several searches, I'm unable to locate the book. (Or books?) The patron would also like to read books like this one, but I must confess, I'm stumped about where to start there as well. Any ideas?

1.  In one of Nora Roberts’ books, the hero is an organic farmer. Name him, and name the book.

Kincaid (Cade) Lavelle, Carolina Moon

Taylor Reynolds: “Organic farmer?!?! Holy crap, I’m totally not gonna win anything. And I’m too lazy...er...too HONEST to go looking up the answers in Google or Amazon.”

2. Matthew Bates and Laurel Armand are rival reporters at a newspaper. What’s the name of the newspaper?

New Orleans Herald (from Partners - Silhouette Intimate Moments, No 94)

TR: “Just stop reading now unless you want to see how sarcastic or random my answers turn out to be. Otherwise, continuing to read is just a waste of your time. These questions is HARD!”

Taylor, yo, that was the point.

3. Stella Rothschild’s husband dies in a plane crash. When does that plane crash occur?

September 2001 (but not 9/11) (Blue Dahlia, In the Garden, Book 1)

SB Sarah says: I have always thought that was an interesting decision on NR’s part.

TR: “I don’t even remember a woman named Stella. Though she does use Althea Gray in one book and Althea Grayson in another. And she kills off a McKinnon in Northern Lights, which made me sad ‘cause “Montana Sky” is my all-time fave.”

4. What was the name of Maggie Concannon’s baby?

Liam Matthew Sweeney (Born in Fire)

TR: “Is she the one with the wolfhound?”

5. In Homeport who was the villain, and how was the villain related to the heroine?

Elise Jones, aunt of Elizabeth Jones. (i.e. She’s illegitimate daughter of Elizabeth’s grandfather)

TR: “The mom?”

6. Where do the Donovans live?

Monterey, California (From the Donovan Legacy Series: Captivated (1992), Entranced (1992), Charmed (1992), Enchanted (1999))

TR: “Ireland. I love Nora, but you can pretty much bet that her peeps are either on the East Coast, usually NYC, or Erin Go Bragh.”

7. What is the name of the song that Shawn Gallagher gives to his fiancee?

Brenna’s Song (Tears of the Moon)

TR: “How do you give a song? Is this the series with the moon and stars in the titles?”

8. What does Roarke carry with him that belongs to Eve in Naked in Death?

The button of her coat.

TR: “Her heart? Come on, I gotta get at least a bonus prize for this. Oh wait!!!! Is it the button off her suit???” (Yay Taylor!)

9. Name the restaurant that burned in Blue Smoke

Sirico’s

TR: “Family pizza joint...something Italian. Why did they make the girl in the movie a red head???”

10. In Carolina Moon, the hero’s sister adopts a puppy. What’s the puppy’s name?

Queen Bea/Bee

TR: “Sadie. That’s a completely random guess, but lots of people name their dogs Sadie. It’s quite popular.”

11. Of what stock does Tom Concannon own ten thousand shares?

Triquarter Mining in Wales (Born In Ice)

TR: “Something Irish...Guinness? Tom was someone’s dad, yeah?”

12. Name the song that the Harper Ghost sings.

Lavender blue, dilly dilly (In the Garden trilogy)

TR: “Danny Boy? Rock-a-bye-baby? Is this from the one where the family owns a nursery? Ohhh! All these families are jumbled about in my brain!”

13. What was Grayson Thane’s real name?

Michael Logan (Born in Ice)

TR: “Joe Boxer. Dude, these are seriously hard questions.”

14. What is the first thing Roarke fixes for Eve?

The heater on her car - or “coffee.”

Sarah’s note: I meant “fixes” as in repairs, but several submitted “coffee” as the answer, because Roarke does fix Eve a cup of real coffee in his limo. So I accepted both answers without penalty.

TR: “Her whole damn life!”

15. Name the pregnant horse that Adelia Cunnane assists through birth.

Solomy (Irish Thoroughbred)

TR: “Seabiscuit.”

16. What is the name of the book written by Jude Murray?

Jewels of the Sun and Other Irish Legends (Heart of the Sea)

TR: “Did Jude even have her own story? Isn’t she a secondary character?”

17. What’s the name of the thoroughbred in Irish Thoroughbred?

Majesty

TR: “I have so totally failed NR407. This is going to kill my GPA!”

18. What was Lily’s ex-husbands name?

Jesse Cooke (Montana Sky)

TR: “Asshole Marine? No, wait, I should know this one (fave book and all)...JESSE!!!! Sweet! I got one!!!”

19. What was Ben Paris’ brother’s name, and from what ailment did he suffer?

Josh - and he suffered from Delayed Stress Syndrome, or PTSD. Sacred Sins

TR: “I vaguely remember the name Paris. Umm, Nate (she likes this name, so I have a chance) and he had...breast cancer? Probably not.”

20. Under what subtitle did Silhouette publish Nora Roberts’ stories about the Stanislaski family?

Those Wild Ukranians! (Seriously, every time, and I mean EVERY time I see that, I giggle. It’s like that Saturday Night Live skit: “We’re two Wiiiild and Craaaaazy Ukranians!")

TR: “From Russia with Love? Chicken Kiev? I Heart Chernoble?”

21. Name Cain’s club.

Eternity

Note: I wasn’t making a mistake when I wrote ‘Cain’.’ Yes, the character is “Cian,” but at that time when he’s running the club in modern-day New York, he goes by “Cain.”

TR: “I suck. And not in a good way.”

Another Note: At this point, I snorted because while Taylor was probably grumbling about her lack of NR knowledge, naming a vampire’s night club, “I Suck and Not in a Good Way” is TOTALLY AWESOME.

So there you have it - the answers. Congratulations to StacieH4 and all who entered.