Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

I carry this big honking leather bag to and from work because it holds the phone, wallet, train tickets, MetroCard, umbrella - and book or magazine with no trouble zipping up over all that junk. The book/magazine part is key. I have a few bags that will hold a paperback, but the slighty-larger sized books (I can never remember which is trade and which is that other thing) or a magazine or catalog? Fuggedabahadit.

So I have this awesome bag. And I get on the bus with my awesome bag. And I have...no book! I finished my book over the weekend (review pending) and forgot to put ANOTHER BOOK IN THE BAG. I had nothing! Nothing! (Nothing....if I don’t...have...youuuuuuuu!).

I read the internet as long as I had a signal to my phone, but Lord have mercy that dial-up speed gets tiring. So I need your help!

I need something I can read on the bus home - either printed out or on my Palm as a text file. So: gimme your recommendations for an e-book, or a pub story to print and read on paper. I’m not adverse to paying for my pleasure (heh) but please, nothing over $5-$6 since I already have a monthly budget set aside for my Books(not)Free - so I don’t want to spend anything in supreme amounts. Heck, if I wanted to do that, I could go to the Duane Reade and buy something the color of candy hearts with some chick’s cartoon legs on the cover.

So - break my e-book maidenhead and give me some ideas! 

Hey, kids, here's a fun game for everyone: Love scene mad libs! First up is a scorching-hot Regency love story I've entitled "A Dark and Stormy Tryst." Fill in the blanks, hit that button and have fun. Results will pop up in a new window; feel free to copy and paste your results in the comments.

Breed of horse:
Weather adjective:
Brand of firearm:
Verb, past tense:
Verb, past tense:
Somebody just stuck a stick up a bear's ass. What sound does the bear make? (Verb, past tense.)
Nickname for a female family pet:
Your cat has just pounced on a rat. What sound does the rat make? (Verb, past tense.)
Find the most annoying, fruity-ass interior decorator term for "blue":
Invertebrate sea creature:
Organ (non-naughty bit, please):
Disease:
Derogatory term for women (plural):
Adjective:
Body part, plural:
You sneak up to your significant other and tickle his balls with a feather duster. What kind of sound does he make? (Verb, past tense.)
Verb, past tense:
Vegetable, singular:
Processed meat product, singular:
Famous Latin phrase or quote (don't include the quotation marks, and if you need inspiration, check this website out):

Us Smarty Bitchypants have come up with an invaluable tool for all romance novel authors, everywhere: A Romance Novel Title Generator!

Yes, now you no longer have to lay awake nights trying to come up with that perfect title for your work-in-progress! This generator with its own patented Bitchenatin'® Technology takes all the stress and anguish out of coming up with a snappy title and leaves you more time to decide whether your hero's eyes are "gunmetal" or "polished flint." Go ahead, give it a whirl! If you don't like the title you first come up with, click on the button again to come up with another one. Rest assured we have ALL sub-genres covered, from paranormals to Westerns to European historicals of all sorts. And after you generate that title, you can enter in another Smart Bitch contest--this one requiring more than your page-refreshing skillz.

Your next bestseller should be titled:

The

Contest Details

1. First, keep clickin' that button until you get a title you really, really like.
2. Write a wildly romantic paragraph of no more than 200 words containing ALL the words in the title you just generated. All submissions must be headed by the randomly-generated title; those without will be disqualified.
3. Post the title and the paragraph in the Comments, or e-mail the entry to either or . Entries must be received before 10 p.m. PDT this Saturday (April 16, 2005).
4. On 10 a.m.(ish) PDT Sunday, April 17, 2005, an entry containing ALL valid contest submissions will be posted. Read through those entries, and then e-mail us your votes. Yes, the winner of this contest will be democratically-chosen. One vote per person. Comments will be disabled because we want to keep the results a surprise, plus ballot-box stuffing is a lot easier via Comments. Not that we expect a whole lot of cheating or anything.
5. You have until midnight PDT on Monday (April 18, 2005) to vote. Votes received after that time will not be accepted.
6. The winner will be announced on Tuesday morning, April 19 2005.
7. Prize will be a $10 Amazon.com gift certificate AND one of our custom pseudo-aristocratic Smart Bitch titles. Look: a title AND money!

So what are you waiting for? Generate that title and submit your entries, bitches!