Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

“The Photoshop Job That Almost Made me Snort a Grape (Ow)” Award of the day goes to Lisa Paitz Spindler for her marble-rye inspired headshopping of our last cover snark. OMG. HA.

Thanks to Kate Rothwell for the heads up. 

Here’s a story that might bring out the most virulent argument this site has seen yet: a woman was arrested for failing to return two books to the library for over a year.

Somewhere, a librarian just stood up and cheered. As someone who always wants the book that someone else won’t return, I hear you, librarian, I hear you.

But handcuffs? Wow:

[Heidi] Dalibor did not respond to four notices from the library, two phone calls and two letters. The library forwarded the case to police, who issued a citation for Dalibor’s failure to return the materials or pay the fine. The citation included a court date, which Dalibor admits she ignored.

Which books? White Oleander and Angels & Demons.

Seriously?

Julia, who forwarded me the link, asked, “What books would you go to jail for? What about the SBTB readers? Are there books you’d go to prison over?”

I honestly have to say that in this specific circumstance, I’d give the library back its book and buy my own damn copy, because Dalibor looks kind of like, no, wait, exactly like an asshole for saying, “I still have the books and I don’t plan to return them because they’re paid for now.”

But are there books I’d go to jail before giving up? Sure. Are the police at the door? Crap, I better go look.

Dear DocTurtle:

I’m a big fan of your wife’s site, and Lord knows, there’s more than enough cover snark to go around. And I completely agree, some of the Harlequin Presents! titles are enough to make your teeth hurt like you ate a glazed donut with a cavity. I’m particularly not fond of the “baby of shame” series, which makes me want to get all fidgety and stabby the nearest paperback.

And Lordy knows, I love a good random title generator. We’ve been known to play with such technology hereabouts, and mock the occasional Presents title. So it’s not like there isn’t plenty of mocking room going on. There’s like a mocking mansion with separate parlors for mocking at various times of the day, with all the mockage that floats about.

I so dig your sense of humor, too - random mammal generator? Win!. You went to the Jack Daniels distillery in Lynchburg before your wedding? Also win. I’ve been there. It’s a dry county. The irony is delicious.

So really, sir, did you have to go there? Did you have to pair the silly humor of a Random Romance Title Generator with the text:

“low-grade throwaway bodice rippers put out by the thousands by Harlequin and similar publishers....”

Did you really, really have to go there? I won’t pick apart the layered fallacy of that sentence, except to say: you don’t know from much. The cover art: preposterous. The titles? Don’t get me started. The contents? Not bodice ripper, not low-grade, and certainly not throwaway. Not by a longshot.

I challenge you to a duel! A duel of reading! I shall pick out a Harlequin that is pretty damn fantastic, and I shall send it to you and your wife to read. Perhaps romance isn’t your cup of tea, but certainly you can evaluate fiction for fiction’s sake, and read a story that might just alter your judgment of the category romance genre. I mean, the brain that came up with The Strongbadian Paper Company Sales Representative’s Wily Marquess can face the task I propose.

I await your reply. any time.

Yours,

SB Sarah
“The Scottish Trillionaire’s Feminist Duchess”

Psst- Got a book to suggest for the duel? Leave a comment.

Got plans today? Kathryn gave me a heads up (or something) that today is Go Topless’s protest day around the US, where women will gather without shirts to protest the ridiculous standards which make it socially acceptable for men to go topless, but not women. The New York City gathering place is the Merchant’s Gate of Central Park, aka the Columbus Circle entrance across from the Time Warner center. Other cities hosting topless rallies include Bloomington, Chicago, Miami and Omaha. The Denver rally will be on the 26th to coincide with the start of the DNC (Welcome to Denver! Here are our boobs!)

I think this is just awesome, but I have one word of caution: women, please, trust me on this. Wear sunscreen. Especially on your nipples. I recommend SPF 45+ lip balm as a sunscreen for your nipples. It tends to stay on longer.

Happy topless day! Hope someone breastfeeds while this is going on because that would just underscore the awesome. 

To the members of the RWA Down Under - have a great conference! I hope it goes splendidly!