Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

You know, for a holiday during a repressive, recessive economy, we have some incredible gift options. From SBTB Swag to log underpants, your options are long, strong, and mighty.

But really, personalization is IT. Like, your own customized, personalized David Hasselhoff poster.

So, with great thanks to Harmony, I provide you with: the Hofftastic Holiday Contest. Craft your personal Hoff message where in the Hoff sends holiday Hoff greetings to the internet. Why the internet? Because the internet is the hot, teeming wellspring of his powerful celebrity. You can craft it to his HoffSpace fans, the YouTube folks who make sure his videos never, ever die, or the individual who Photoshopped on his 5 o’clock shadow with waterproof makeup. Whatever - go wild.

Take a screen cap of your poster, and place or link to it in the comments for our enjoyment. Make sure to put the caption beneath, in the event that we can’t read The Hoff’s masterfully enigmatic handwriting. You have until 6pm PST Sunday 14 December - then I’ll pick the top three for some sweet prizes from the Smart Bitch Treasure Chest (hidden at the end of the happy trail, obviously).

To get you started, here’s Harmony’s effort, sent to me when she sent the link. She sets the bar high, I think.

So, what book was this buffet of romance based on? Or, better, how many books?! Total and epic win to the folks at Fandom lounge who said, “OMG WTF MUST SEND TO Smart Bitches.” HA! WIN!

Thanks to InnocentSmith, who also sent me the much higher-res link should you wish to see the high quality version.

You really should watch the high-res version to appreciate what lyrangalia wrote:  “I feel like I need an explanation as to why the entire Romance aisle of the bookstore just came alive and [tried] to eat me.”

She also suggests a drinking game “where you take a shot every time a romance novel cover is recreated.” If I did that, I’d be comatose. 

David Nygren gives a bullet point list of his vision of the future of book publishing. I’m going to have to go back and read again x4, but the salient points that made me go “yep!” were:

- Yes. iTunes for books. Amazon is trying to be it, but with the last few days’ delays in Kindle transmissions (Kindle does not say “Nom.” Kindle says, “Hur? You didn’t send me a file. No, you didn’t!") and the proprietary content and format, it won’t happen.

- Small pub good.

[Thanks to Smart Bitch Hubby for the link.]

In the bargain rack near you is a total complete treasure. There’s pulp novel covers, and there’s Fabio.

There’s a visual history of the romance and pulp novel cover art, and there’s more man titty than you can shake a nipple at.

MY copy, however, is better than anyone’s, because MY copy came from Eve Savage, who post-it-noted the very best pages with her own personal expressions of WTF?

And since Jane also sent me one - what it is about people who see man titty and absurd cover art and immediately think of Smart Bitches? Because those people are awesome - I have two. Want one? Leave a comment! I shall gift you with the cover art of excellent.