Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

So here is a six dollar question:

On one hand, you have me musing that poor and unprofessional behavior on the part of some authors could in fact drag down the entire genre, and such behavior ought to be discussed because if I have one WTF question about the community of romance, it’s “Why on earth do so many people act as if writing romance is akin to joining a social club? It’s a business, for fuck’s sake.”

And on the other hand, or the other side of my arse, depending on your point of view, there’s Karen, and Jane, and me, all asking at varying times, “Wait, why can’t authors criticize their publisher? If the ground is supposedly saturated with the crazy sauce, and a publisher or publishers are acting in a manner that can only be described as unprofessional, why can’t an author speak up and say so?”

The question is this: where is the middle ground? Is there one? Where does professionalism end and self-preservation as a small business owner begin? Or vice versa?

Another blind item landed in my inbox, and each one is more interesting than the next. You like the blind items?  Hate them with a burning, itchy passion? Let me know.

On to the item of limited vision:

This NYT Author’s deviltry won’t come as any surprise to many of her colleagues, as sources say she’s not made many friends in the way of authors, reviewers, or, according to some fans who attended a recent weekend, members of her own fanbase.

The scene: a restaurant, a relatively mellow mealtime during a recent conference. The Author is chatting and, given the gradual increase in volume, possibly arguing with her companions when the waitress approaches to take their order. The Author doesn’t stop her conversation, and waitress is standing, waiting, ignored, for some time. One of the companions at the table invites The Author kindly to relax a moment so the waitress can take their orders.

Commence ruckus at the table: loud crashing and smashing noises and even louder “Goddammit!” as she stands up. By this time, the restaurant is silent and staring, but the still quiet does not give The Author any pause. She hollers at her companions that she will not relax, and that this brash companion has no business telling The Author what to do. The Author then makes her way quickly out of the restaurant.

The waitress, who was understandably shocked and a little embarrassed, tells our source of this fury-tale that The Author’s companions made attempts to apologize on The Author’s behalf and begged that the waitress excuse The Author’s rudeness. But The Author overhears this smoothing-over and bellows from the doorway to a very attentive audience of both her own party and everyone else at every other table in the restaurant that no one should dare apologize on her behalf. Then, The Author departs.

The audience is silent, until a curtain of conversation descends upon every table, each person uttering a variation of, “Did you see that?”

You know those sets of soaps that people give as hostess gifts? I need a host gift - specifically, a web host gift. Seems the fine folks at Esosoft who work in the tech support department and answer all my crazy email have never read a romance. They helped us out big time like damn and mon dieu back in January, and for some of the folks who were working with me, this site was their first exposure to the romance genre. So I figure, it’s time for them to experience the best of the genre.

Robert, who works tech support with other awesome folks, says that he, and many of his coworkers, are fans of mystery/detective and some sci-fi. So, what romance novel would you recommend? What’s new and rocking your socks? (Note: house rule - you are welcome to pimp your own books, but please also suggest at least one other book that is not written by yourself or any of your known aliases. Thanks!)

Back when I sent Paul Tolme a romance novel, the most frequently mentioned book was Northern Lights by whats-her-name. Nora Roberts. That’s right. Anyway. What would you recommend for tech support at our hosting service? I aim to send them an awesome romance. 

Back in the day, I used to be a conference and meetings person - professionally. Those of you who have had that job know how challenging it is, akin to herding cats while each cat is wearing a magnet. Sometimes they all line up and head off in a group. Sometimes, all those magnets face the wrong way and everyone is repelled into different directions. Sometimes, people forget to clean the litterbox.

A few people have emailed me to say, “OMG, did you HEAR about the CRAZY that went on with one of the Mr. Romance candidates?” Several emailed me eyewitness accounts of what was really a scary and altogether sad situation, and really, there’s only so much crazy that can be attributed to the the sleepless, hardworking conference organizers. RT and the folks that run it had no idea that this particular individual would cause such a scene in the midst of 1500 people causing a more entertaining scene. But, it does make me think of the more OMGWTF moments I’ve seen and heard of in conference planning.

Hotels under construction? RTsters just finished that experience, and my sources tell me the hotel assured the organizers that the reno would be completed. Yeah, that wasn’t quite true. By a longshot. As for me, I’ve been to other conferences where the hotel was under construction - and the time difference was such that I wanted to sleep while the sledgehammering was in full swing. Hotel and convention staff work hard, but one person with the wrong intentions or who’s just having a dumb moment can foul up things like damn and whoa. My very worst conference experience isn’t even remotely funny, but oh my, there have been some much, much worse happenings at conferences that would make your eyes bug out.

What, more links? Why, yes, indeed!

James Patterson discusses his new book, a “romance” with the Palm Beach Daily News, and says that romances are “hard to do,” though he cautions that this isn’t a “real romance novel” (What does that mean, precisely, no sex?) Mysteries, for Patterson, are “easy.”

Now, what struck me is his accounting of his collaborative process:

Sundays at Tiffany’s was written with North Carolina-based children’s author Gabrielle Charbonnet in the collaborative style that Patterson developed about 10 years ago. It has been a key element in his increasingly prolific output.

“We’re hung up in this country about individualism,” said Patterson, who compares his collaborative process for writing novels to the traditionally accepted manner in which film and television writers develop their products. “Why can’t a book be created this way?”

Of course, with his celebrated status and reputation for enormous sales, it’s also a means for Patterson to give a lesser-known or aspiring writer an opportunity to break into the best-seller league — and earn what he describes as a “nice” amount of money....

When the decision is made to do a book with a co-writer, Patterson takes the general idea for the story and develops a detailed outline, which lays out the content and action of each chapter.

“It’s like screenplay for the novel,” he said. “One of my agents told me that when they saw the outline they said, ‘With this, I could write the book.’”

The co-writer then does a first draft based on the outline.

“I take it from there,” he said,

It’s like an updated version of the Sweet Valley High books, or the latter-day book package concepts, only with one dude at the helm.

Patterson is also lending his name and image to marketing campaigns for the very sexy Sony Reader, which comes complete with a copy of Patterson’s latest, The Women’s Murder Club. (And if the Sony Reader doesn’t blow your skirt up, the Kindle is back in stock. ).

And completely unrelated but still cool: Lori Devoti is part of a badass panel at WisCon, coming soon to the Wisconsin near you, about Being the Heroine of a Romance Novel Doesn’t Make Me Weak . Now that is something I want to see - a bunch of feminist fantasy ladies discussing empowerment of romance heroines and their strength, narratives, and sexuality. Word up. Something tells me that panel won’t be “your grandmother’s romance,” or “Patterson’s romance” either!