Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

There are only so many important elections you can vote in this year, particularly in the US, and this is definitely one of them: post your vote in the comments for which entry wins our Name that Sex Toy contest. Comments on that entry close at 10:00 am EST. 

Thanks to the 5th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals, Texans can have their sex toys back. Hooray!

So - a Smart Bitch Contest ahoy! Name that Texas Vibrator! (Doesn’t that sound almost like a Harlequin Presents title?)

Post your entry in the comments. Vote for your favorite, again, in the comments.

Winner shall receive: An Actual Vibrator!

Thanks to Teddy Pig, I have hidden in my china cabinet (no, that’s not a euphemism) a genuine, bonafide adorably pink Hello Kitty “personal massager.”

Whosoever posts the best name for a Texas Vibrator as voted on by the Bitchery shall win their very own “personal massager” - and you can interpret the terms “Texas” and “Vibrator” however you want. If you mention biscuit-lovin’ cowboys, more power to you - hmmmm hah!

I will ship just about anywhere, except the Mir space station (sorry, floating folks), so get creative, no matter where you’re located. Entries and voting begin now, and comments and voting will close tomorrow at 8am Eastern time.

Ready, set, go!

It seems the vast knowledge of the Bitchery when it comes to all things cover art is not a secret, especially among the publishing houses. I received an email from Lauren Naefe, Online Marketing Manager at HarperCollins, who asked if I consult the Oracle of the Bitchery to help settle an in-house debate. It seems the cover art for a particular book is under discussion, and there are two hotly-contested candidates for the coveted position. It’s like deciding the Democratic presidential nomination, only with Bitchery, cussing, and fun! How perfect for SuperTuesday, eh?

The book in question is Confessions of a Beauty Addict, the fiction debut of Nadine Haobsh which comes out November 18. Haobsh is the beauty editor who was outed by New York Post as blogger behind “Jolie In NYC”, a hugely popular blog about all things involving beauty secrets. Her nonfiction advice manual, Beauty Confidential was published in October of ‘07.

The summary of Confessions of a Beauty Addict reads as follows:

When Bella Hunter, Beauty Expert and all around magazine editor wunderkind, loses her job for spilling top industry secrets to Page 6 she thinks her life is over. And, to top it all off, she’s managed to dye her hair bright orange. At her wits end and desperate not to return home with her tail between her legs, Bella accepts a job a Womanly Wear: a magazine her mom reads. But how can she face her glamorous ex-co-workers now that she works in an office where khaki (not Cavalli) is the way of life? Bella is out to wage war on the beauty world one bad makeover at a time, armed with only her Marc Jacobs shoes, three meddling best friends, and a flighty supermodel boyfriend. At odds with her stuffy (and undeniably gorgeous) publisher, Bella begins to realize that she may be fighting the wrong battle.

With that in mind, here are the two covers that the folks at Avon A are battling over. Which do you like? What comments do you have for either one. Lauren has graciously offered 2 advance copies of the book to the two readers who offer the most helpful comment - so speak often and as much as you want. 

Three, from what I hear, is a tough age. The primitive toddler has yielded to a more independent being who wants, guess what, more independence. It’s going to be a great year with our hot pink three year old, I think. I’m all about feisty independence, so three kicks ass.

Special note to Candy: You rule - thanks for three years of Hofftastic Awesomesauce.

Special note to our readers: Thank you! Thank you, thank you!

Now - You wanna win some shit? It’s haiku time! Write us up some haiku madness (5-7-5 please) of up to four stanzas that best captures our past three years, or the general hot pink madness that is Smart Bitches. Voting will go on in the comment thread, fark-style, and top three winners of votage will get prizes, including a Smart Bitch Title™ for the First Place winner.

And now: my haiku offering. I’m not stopping at 4 stanzas, so be warned.

Smart Bitches is THREE?!
Man-titty could knock me down-
time sure fucking flies.

Mad props to Candy!
And Hubby who asks each night:
“Why are you still up?”

But I must say thanks
to you, you, you, you, and you.
And Catherine Coulter

If I hadn’t liked
‘Midsummer Magic’ so much
I wouldn’t be here.

Let’s hear it for cream!
It eases the rough passage
of our first three years.

We have two titles to give out today, one that is long overdue.

To Sula, who identified in one shot the correct answer to the Help a Bitch Out Regency Time Travel - With Boobies. Well played, Sula! Kneel, and receive your Smart Bitch Title™.

And to Diane, who correctly identified this week’s Guess That Lonely Heart - indeed, it was Jill Levin from Lorna Michaels’ Season of Light. A Harlequin SuperRomance featuring.... JEWS! WOOO! Kneel, Diane, and arise with Sula a member of the Smart Bitch Peerage.