Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

Congratulations to the lucky folks who get a copy of the ARC of Delicious for their entries in the Mmm Delicious ARCs contest. From Sherry Thomas comes the following missive:

Winners selected:

Katie Dickson
Courtney
Deputman

I read all the entries over breakfast.  And I have to say, raspberries with powdered sugar never tasted so good (might also be the case that it’s the first time I’m eating raspberries with powdered sugar).  Though the contest is about food and sex, inevitably, my little black heart warms for the love stories.  Because love is what takes both food and sex from good to sublime, so all the winners I picked gave me love stories of some sort--and I kicked myself for deciding beforehand that I’d only pick three winners based on the entries, because there were a good few more that made me sigh about food and wonderful memories with/of loved ones.

And the random integer generator produced:

DeeCee
Anj

Hooray and well played to our winners. And after reading over all those comments, I’m really freaking hungry. 

Want to get your eager hands on an ARC of Sherry Thomas’ August release Delicious? You do? Really?

Cool! We have 5 to give away, and your task, should you choose to accept it, is to tell us, what food do you love SO much that, if it was brought to you in the next little while, you’d be so happy you’d give a righteous sexing to the bringer? To put it more simply, what food do you love such that you’d happily bang whomever brought it to you?

Sherry Thomas, bringer of the ARCs, says that she’d willingly give up some mighty lovin’ for whomever can gift her with savory agar-agar jelly salad:

I know it sounds weird, but the agar-agar jelly is a thing of beauty, translucent and shivery, with just a tinge of the sea to the taste of it.  You slice it into bite-size pieces, and pour on a dressing of pounded garlic, soy sauce, vinegar, and cilantro leaves and it’s heaven.  I never see it anywhere in the States and my attempts at making my own from agar agar have all been disastrous.  So it’s my sexiest food because I’ll sex anyone who brings me a bowl. And I’m talking no-holds barred sexxoring here.  Okay, no bestiality.  And nothing that will hurt.  But other than that,no holds barred!

Me? What food will bring on the amorous response from yours truly? I admit, I’m a sucker for a specific chewy chocolate ginger molasses cookie, so if someone showed up with a plateful, some icing drizzled on each one, and a guarantee that said cookies would not be introduced to my arse in a different form (namely: as fat), I am releasing myself from responsibility for my actions.

So, what about you? I love a good frisky contest. Bring it on! What is your Food That Would Make You Wanna Sex The Bringer? Sherry will pick the winners, three by Food Sexy talk and two by random integers, and we’ll send out ARCs. You have, as usual, 24 hours to being in the food that makes you wanna get funky. 

Unquestionably powerful librarian Nancy Pearl (I mean, dude, she has her own Action Figure!) has a new article up at NPR of her recommendations for carry-on books that make traveling and waiting a marvelous escape. Says Pearl, “You want a book — either fiction or nonfiction — that’s complex enough to smother your annoyance when the guy in the row ahead reclines his seat into your lap, but not so intellectually challenging that it demands a dictionary.” Oh, hell to the yes, ma’am.

And ho, there, what awesome sauce through yonder linkage breaks? It is the Heyer, and she is on the list! Heyer’s An Infamous Army is among the books recommended as perfect for carry-on reading, to which I say, “Carry on, Ms. Pearl, for verily thou art rocking my socks.”

But wait, there’s more! We’ll sell you the whole seat, but you’ll only need the edge! Sourcebooks, which has reissued many of Heyer’s books with absolutely scrumptiously opulent covers (if they were pastries they’d be moist cupcakes with four inches of perfect icing), is offering 10 books to Smart Bitch readers.

We have three copies of An Infamous Army, plus one each of Friday’s Child, Cotillion, Royal Escape, False Colours, Lady of Quality, Black Sheep, and Faro’s Daughter. Ten books for ten winners!

So leave a comment, and tell us your favorite Heyer scene, character, or just book in general. I’m not eligible, but I will say with no fear that I can reread over and over the scene in Devil’s Cub where Kate Mary (sorry!) begins to sniffle in front of Vidal, and he realizes due to her graceless snurfle she’s not at all like her silly sister, oh, no no no.

I’ll pick 10 winners at random, and you’ll get yourself some Heyer if you win. You have 24 hours. Carry on!

ETA: Heyer, Heyer everwhere! GalleyCat is hosting a GalleyLOLCat contest, wherein the winner gets some Heyer, too. Bitchery reader Mandy’s cat is in the running: seems Tiny likes Julia Quinn. Tiny, says I, has good taste. 

Can I just say that I love the title “Wanderlust?” If you rearrange it, it’s Wanderslut. Which is almost as good.

Anyway, Ann Aguirre got busy with the long ass comment thread and came up with 25 springtime fresh winners of an ARC for Wanderlust! Behold! If your name is below, please with your mailing address asap! And congratulations!

I have to pick two winners for the first of what I hope will be a continuing contest series here at SBTB, Caption That Cover. I offered an ARC of King of Sword and Sky, or two of Rhonda Nelson’s books, The Hell Raiser and The Loner.  Folks commented with their ideas for This Studly Guy. To be specific, 160+ people commented.

Holy shit, are you people funny. I mean, I knew that already, but damn. And also merde and mon dieu (TM Nathalie Grey).

While I read the comments and worked out my abs, the awesome sauce people at Harlequin have added to the prize pot. I now have two copies of The Hell Raiser, plus The Loner and the ARC to give away, so let’s get to it.

Snort-worthy entries included Peyton’s “Carpe Testes!” and Jessica Andersen’s “This package will self destruct in five...four...three....” And the “Who the fuck has towels that say ‘dry clean only?’” from S Andrew Swann had me snorting so hard I nearly swallowed my gum, as did Chez’s “Soap on a rope ..... (swing) ..... soap on a rope .... (swing) ....”

*drumroll please* But the top three as measured by the scientific standard of “I nearly wet myself” are:

Sara Fleming for: “Fuck. Crabs again.” More than a few of you pointed out that Mr. Hell-Raiser looks very glum or pissed off, or both.

saltypepper for: “Mom was right; from now on I’m using a stick to toast marshmallows!”

and first prize goes to BevQB for her double-dose of hi-larious:

Chest, Nuts roasting on an open fire…

AND

It’s a fairly common STD, he says.
The penicillin should clear it right up, he says.
Somehow I don’t think the Doc understood that “I’m pissing fire” wasn’t hyperbole.

Congrats to BevQB, Saltypepper and Sara! Please to claim yer winnings!