Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

Unquestionably powerful librarian Nancy Pearl (I mean, dude, she has her own Action Figure!) has a new article up at NPR of her recommendations for carry-on books that make traveling and waiting a marvelous escape. Says Pearl, “You want a book — either fiction or nonfiction — that’s complex enough to smother your annoyance when the guy in the row ahead reclines his seat into your lap, but not so intellectually challenging that it demands a dictionary.” Oh, hell to the yes, ma’am.

And ho, there, what awesome sauce through yonder linkage breaks? It is the Heyer, and she is on the list! Heyer’s An Infamous Army is among the books recommended as perfect for carry-on reading, to which I say, “Carry on, Ms. Pearl, for verily thou art rocking my socks.”

But wait, there’s more! We’ll sell you the whole seat, but you’ll only need the edge! Sourcebooks, which has reissued many of Heyer’s books with absolutely scrumptiously opulent covers (if they were pastries they’d be moist cupcakes with four inches of perfect icing), is offering 10 books to Smart Bitch readers.

We have three copies of An Infamous Army, plus one each of Friday’s Child, Cotillion, Royal Escape, False Colours, Lady of Quality, Black Sheep, and Faro’s Daughter. Ten books for ten winners!

So leave a comment, and tell us your favorite Heyer scene, character, or just book in general. I’m not eligible, but I will say with no fear that I can reread over and over the scene in Devil’s Cub where Kate Mary (sorry!) begins to sniffle in front of Vidal, and he realizes due to her graceless snurfle she’s not at all like her silly sister, oh, no no no.

I’ll pick 10 winners at random, and you’ll get yourself some Heyer if you win. You have 24 hours. Carry on!

ETA: Heyer, Heyer everwhere! GalleyCat is hosting a GalleyLOLCat contest, wherein the winner gets some Heyer, too. Bitchery reader Mandy’s cat is in the running: seems Tiny likes Julia Quinn. Tiny, says I, has good taste. 

Can I just say that I love the title “Wanderlust?” If you rearrange it, it’s Wanderslut. Which is almost as good.

Anyway, Ann Aguirre got busy with the long ass comment thread and came up with 25 springtime fresh winners of an ARC for Wanderlust! Behold! If your name is below, please with your mailing address asap! And congratulations!

I have to pick two winners for the first of what I hope will be a continuing contest series here at SBTB, Caption That Cover. I offered an ARC of King of Sword and Sky, or two of Rhonda Nelson’s books, The Hell Raiser and The Loner.  Folks commented with their ideas for This Studly Guy. To be specific, 160+ people commented.

Holy shit, are you people funny. I mean, I knew that already, but damn. And also merde and mon dieu (TM Nathalie Grey).

While I read the comments and worked out my abs, the awesome sauce people at Harlequin have added to the prize pot. I now have two copies of The Hell Raiser, plus The Loner and the ARC to give away, so let’s get to it.

Snort-worthy entries included Peyton’s “Carpe Testes!” and Jessica Andersen’s “This package will self destruct in five...four...three....” And the “Who the fuck has towels that say ‘dry clean only?’” from S Andrew Swann had me snorting so hard I nearly swallowed my gum, as did Chez’s “Soap on a rope ..... (swing) ..... soap on a rope .... (swing) ....”

*drumroll please* But the top three as measured by the scientific standard of “I nearly wet myself” are:

Sara Fleming for: “Fuck. Crabs again.” More than a few of you pointed out that Mr. Hell-Raiser looks very glum or pissed off, or both.

saltypepper for: “Mom was right; from now on I’m using a stick to toast marshmallows!”

and first prize goes to BevQB for her double-dose of hi-larious:

Chest, Nuts roasting on an open fire…

AND

It’s a fairly common STD, he says.
The penicillin should clear it right up, he says.
Somehow I don’t think the Doc understood that “I’m pissing fire” wasn’t hyperbole.

Congrats to BevQB, Saltypepper and Sara! Please to claim yer winnings!

Ann Aguirre has offered 25 ARCs of her new book Wanderlust for the readers of this here blog. Yay!

Want one? Yes? Hook us up with the name of her next book. All the Jax books have compound word titles: Grimspace, Wanderlust, Doubleblind and Killbox. So, what’s the 5th book? Give us an idea, serious or silly.

Drop a comment with your choice of a compound word title, and we’ll pick 25 winners from among the best. 

But there is one condition - as Ann is a master of the viral market (in a good way, not in an ineffective antibiotic kind of way) she asks that if you win a copy, you review it, either on your site, or by emailing me your review. So enter as many times as you like, and “goodluck.”

ETA: Ann asked that I post a heads up for anyone in the NYC area: want to meet Ann personally and beg for a review copy of her book? July 22nd is your chance. 

Ok, this book has nothing to do with one of the prizes, but I have an ARC to give away, and this cover makes me feel verry verrrry creative. And really, there is no law at Smart Bitch HQ that says I have to make any sense. Whee! So, two prizes, one contest, and my thanks to April for the linkage and the original question.

Take a look at the picture below the fold. In the comments, tell me what he’s looking at. A few words, a narrative, a poem, whatever. Just tell us what he’s looking at. The two best winners as judged by you all and yours truly will win either (a) a copy of Rhonda Nelson’s The Hell Raiser and The Loner OR (b) my ARC of C.L. Wilson’s King of Sword and Sky (which is due out in October). The fabulous folks at The Dorch sent me a digital copy and a paper copy, and when I asked and said “Please,” they said it would be spiffy to give my paper ARC away to one of you lovely readers. Comments expire in 24 hours.

So, on your mark, get set, and tell me: What’s he looking at?! What’s he saying to himself?