Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

DeeCee wrote and asked me to help her find a book, but in doing so made me ponder the presence of piercings in romance novels:

I read an erotic book awhile back (1-3 years, I think) that featured a hero with a tongue piercing. I remember absolutely nothing about it, but that and that it was contemporary. On a side note, do you know of many romance books featuring tongue piercings? I can’t find many when I do an amazon or a google search.

Aside from the erotica novel DeeCee is looking for, with the dude who has a tongue piercing, there aren’t many novels that I can recall which specifically mention piercings. In Gleason’s Gardella series, the source of all the Venator’s power is a piercing ring with a cross made of silver which women wear in their navels and the dudes wear in their nipples (ow) and I remember thinking, “Whoa, that’s interestingly risky. Nipple rings in an historical novel? Dude.”

But contemporaries? I haven’t read any contemporary novels that mentioned piercings outright, erotica or otherwise. Tattoos are becoming more common in romance novels, but piercings aside from ears? That’s somewhat rare. I wonder why that is, because in my own experience, I know plenty of people who have tiny nose studs, lip rings, belly rings, and multiple ear piercings as well. Anyone got any books they’d recommend which feature piercings? 

Oh, the plus size heroine. You may choose from the following options:

1. She diets her way to happy endingness, because nothings says “blissful sex and unlimited love forever after” like losing weight and having thin thighs.

2. She diets her way to happy endingness after seeing the visual holyshit that is her head photoshopped onto a thin body. Once this, she suffers from absolutely no misapprehensions as to what her body looks like and instantly adapts to a gym-centric, carrot-stick-loving life, because thin is so in. (No, Jemima J, I have still not gotten over that one).

3. She’s the plucky, plump sidekick of awesome, a sterling character inside a sexually unacceptable and therefore sexually unthreatening character who compliments but doesn’t compete with the heroine.

4. Like the heroine who is so very very accomplished but does nothing but fuck up left right and center, she’ll go on and on about how big and unattractive she is, how she’s larger than the other women she knows and it bothers her, yadda yadda - and then you find out she’s a size 10 or some shit like that.

Magazines are all flush with the summer reading lists, and I’ve been asked to compile a never-fail list of books for the perfect summer reading. Any time, any part of the romance genre, with the only caveat that they still be in print.

I’ve been doodling my faves in various genres, and have a pretty diverse list of old and newer books, but I wanted to query the Power of the Bitchery. Is there a book that without fail will give you hours of sunny, peaceful enjoyment, complete with perfect tan, that really great post-ocean-swim hair, and the warm bliss of a happy ending? What’s your personal never-lets-you-down book for happy summer vacation reading? 

Every so often I get a slap-upside-the-head reminder as to how big and important and powerful romance novels can be. Case in point: the following message from Bitchery reader N, who asks for your collective help in assembling a reading list:

Several people have suggested that I ask you and your readers.

I am looking for a book which may not exist.

I have a friend whose mother is a battered wife. She reads romance novels.

I am looking for a romance novel which I can lend her which has the
following themes/ideas/plotpoints/whatever-you-want-to-call-them:

-woman leaves abusive spouse
-woman is okay on her own
-woman finds true love with non-abusive man

Does anyone have any suggestions?

Novels that portray the healing of fair and respectful love and the triumph of people over abusive pasts? There are more than a few in romance, obviously. My first recommendation, Montana Sky by Nora Roberts, which features three women in varying stages of strength, one of whom is on the run from an abusive, obsessive spouse.

However, books aside, please know, N., that I hope your friend’s mother finds her own strength to move to a place of safety and healing very, very soon. 

Bitchery reader and aspiring writer Sarah (not me) writes in with a request:

I am an aspiring writer, and am working on some of my first manuscripts after years of anime fanfiction and original fantasy shorts. Most of my readers have been saying I should get published, even if I’ve never taken one creative writing course, and am finally breaking down to maybe give it a try. Most of what I write currently is almost kitchen-sink type stories, some action-adventure, some suspense, plenty of humor, deep philosophical discussions, and lots of sex and romance.

Problem is, I’ve never picked up a full-blown romance before. I’ve been a fantasy/paranormal reader for the longest time, but after getting down right pissed after reading Sara Douglass assassinating her own female characters in the Troy Game series, I gave it reading mass-market fiction of all kind . . . except the last book of Harry Potter. I’ve been working on my own stuff ever since, and want to try to get something published. Only, I don’t know if my ideas would even stand a chance of being publish since the one I’m really rooting to research and start is completely off the wall with what I know of all the books floating around out there.

So, here’s where I need the bitchery’s help.

Has anyone ever written (or read) a romance set in Medieval Japan involving ninja? That’s right, I said ninja. I asked a friend who reads a lot more than I do and whose husband actually studies ninjitsu, and neither of them has seen ninja novels outside of Japan. Are there any ancient Asian culture novels outside of the East? Historic romance maybe?

Jade Lee’s books come to my mind first, but what recommendations do you have? And would you as a reader be interested in romances set in historical Asia?