Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

Bitchery reader Liz has a seasonal request:

As you know it's Christmas time here in the U.S. which means there's an abundance of Christmas themed romance novels. I, for one, am a sucker for the Christmas romance. Unfortunately, I can't remember the last time I read one I enjoyed. There are new releases, new releases of old releases, and anthologies (last year I bought one because it had Jenny Crusie's name attached. Boy that was a mistake. Her contribution was the only worthwhile story and it still wasn't completely satisfying) (SB Sarah notes: Candy agreed with you) and for many of these I'm not familiar enough with the author to be sure if their Christmas romance is worth the price of admission.

Therefore my request is for recommendations. What's the Bitchery's favorite Christmas themed romance novel? Bonus points if it involves contrived situations under mistletoe.

Ok - so bring it on. Are there any worthwhile Christmas romances? Full length or -gasp!- short story anthologies? In that review I linked to, Candy made a point that romance short stories are really freaking hard to pull off, because it's such a tiny amount of pages in which to fit the introduction, attraction, conflict, resolution and happy ending. I have a hardback of Christmas short stories published over 10 years ago, featuring short stories by Jude Deveraux and Judith McNaught. The McNaught story is a sequel to a longer novel that features an ancillary character from the earlier novel - one way to pull off a short story is to build a lot of the backstory in another full length novel, though that does require two purchases on the part of the reader. That's not a big deal for a fan, but for someone just walking into the story, it's annoying.

Deveraux is famous for the "we were meant to be" cliché of "She's the One if she can tell the twins apart" and using that method in any length story means that one of the two protagonists has to accept that whether he likes it or not, the one who thinks he looks nothing like his identical twin brother is the one he's meant to be with - even if she's annoying or just plain crazy. Add Christmas and you've got holiday romance! Good holiday romance? Not necessarily, but holiday romance just the same.

So - what's your recommendation for Christmas-themed romances? Full length or short story - bring it on!

Here’s an odd request, but it occurred to me following our discussion as to why the BDB books are like the crack: what romances do you know and love that focus mostly on the hero’s story? On one hand, it can often make for weak heroines, or heroines that don’t live up to the worth and depth of the hero, but on the other hand, when it’s done right, a hero-centered romance with a well-written heroine can make for some damn delicious reading. So what are the best examples of romances that focus on the hero and his world, but roxxor your soxxors as a romance novel?

Bring it on! 

Bitchery reader Jen writes in with a question I hadn’t thought to ask, and I’m as big a fan of historical erotica as she is:

I just finished Lisa Valdez’s Passion. I loved it. Problem is, I can’t get a hold of her ONE other book, yet. Furthermore, because I’m such a dork, I’ve just discovered there’s a NAME for the type of books I love...heretofore thought of as plain, ‘ol “historical romance.” Well, I’ve learned from reading Passion that I actually love erotica. Who knew!?! Well, I knew I liked all things erotic...the stronger the better. But, I never even realized I should seek books under category “erotica.” Duh!

So, armed with my new knowledge, I set out online, and to local stores to find new books. Forget about it. Major stores in my area mix up the THREE erotica books w/ regular romance. Half Price has a separate section, but it offers nothing LIKE Lisa Valdez, or historical romance.

Finally, my question for you…

Assuming (nay, HOPING) you’ve read any Lisa Valdez, can you recommend any other authors with a similar style? Historical romance, intriguing characters, good stories....and heavy doses of nice, strong erotic content. I’m not easily offended by any of the sexual content. But, like you mentioned in your Unmasqued review, I am quite offended by bad stories, characters, etc.

Hope you might have advice. 

So - what historical erotica do you recommend? Let’s hear it. 

Bitchery reader Yvonne asked a really good question:

I know you both have your hands full but I was thinking about some of the recent discussions and I had an idea for something else to touch on (HA!). Specifically, there doesn’t seem to be much masturbation in romance, although I have seen it here and there. Much more common in erotica, of course.

Examples that come to mind were the heroine in, I believe, one of the Kinsale books, and the OMG hot scene with Hades in P. C. Cast’s Goddess of Spring. Done right, as in both of these examples, it can convey so many emotions while still being kinda hot.

What do you think? Is it just too taboo?
Love to know your thoughts.

Yvonne does have a point - wanking is rare. My first response to the question is that perhaps it’s something of a taboo outside of sexually focused romance because the hero/heroine is supposed to be creating the sexual/physical response in the other, and if the h/h is creating that response on his or her own, then perhaps the reaction might be,"What do they need the other person for?” It may be a question of whether wanking would decrease sexual tension between the protagonists, because one or both of them is getting off solo. Add to that the often-grating virginal expectations of the heroine, and jack and/or jilling is not allowed.

I disagree with the idea, if it is indeed the case - most of the really hot masturbation scenes I’ve read (especially the Cast one) establish sexual tension between the characters sometimes without the two physically being present in each other’s company. And what could be more spicy than a heroine or hero spending time together, each knowing they’ve had a rocking orgasm while fantasizing about each other? Rwor!

So - what’s your take? Think wanking is taboo? And what romances have you read that feature hot self-on-self action?

Bitchery reader Peaches sent me the most thoughtful and thought-provoking question, which is both a rumination of the state of parenting and sexuality in our culture, and a request for YA books that deal with sexuality and sexual intercourse honestly and appropriately.

With all the hype about the new tv series adaptation of Gossip Girl, I decided to look it up and see what it was about.  Wikipedia assured me that it wasn’t really my kind of book, but it also lead me to this article.

The article is basically a mother feeling sorry for herself that her daughter is reading Gossip Girl, a series she disapproves of.  And while the mother is applaudably refusing to forbid the book, she basically goes on for a few paragraphs with “I’m trying to stop it, how do I stop this? My daughter reads other books besides trash, btw, but parents! What would you do?” and I couldn’t bring myself to feel the least bit bad for her.  The reason for this is of course that her daughter is 14, and its perfectly natural for a 14 year old girl to be interested in books with sex in them.

This got me thinking about Parents versus the YA romance genre, or the romance genre in general.  The “it sets a bad example” or “full of poor role models” complaints aside, the article’s author’s real problem seems to be she can’t process the fact that her kid is curious about sex and of course she’s not the only mom with those feelings....

So in my own roundabout way I arrive at my question: Are there any YA novels out there that properly prepare young women for the reality of sexual relationship?  Any books that do [for sex] what Are You There God, it’s Me Margaret? did for the period?  So the parents dont like Gossip Girl--is there another book they can encourage their daughter to read so these poor girls don’t hop from Harry Potter to Beloved without a damn clue?

And just out of curiosity--how does a romance writer mom handle The Talk, given their unique vantage point in professional sexual expression?

In a nutshell (hur hur) Peaches has hit the nail on the head with my #2 gripe about parenting right now : violence is much more acceptable, prevalent, and available in terms of entertainment, but put a naked breast on tv and we need to set off a flare and sound sirens because someone will complain. Oh, that naked breast, won’t you think of the children?

Sexuality and sex itself are subjects that we (and I’m speaking specifically of Americans here) are profoundly uncomfortable with, particularly when it comes to frank discussions of how we humans get made n’stuff. I think it began with the founding (or colonizing, more specifically) peoples in this country, some of whom were Puritan and were desperately afraid that somewhere, someone out there was having (a) sex (b) fun or (c) all of the above. Our attitudes and reactions to sexual content are varied but there’s still a gut reaction that sex isn’t ok to talk about, but heck, if you turn on the tv before 9pm you can see any number of people getting killed, being processed post-mortem, in autopsy, or about to be killed. In my never-humble opinion, something is very very wrong with that imbalance.

Rant said, do I know how I’ll approach talking to my sons about sex? Not a clue. Fortunately, at 22 months and at almost two weeks of age, I don’t have to tackle that conversation with either of them just yet. I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it (hur hur) but I hope I can keep in mind that I was very curious about sexuality when I was younger and had few options through which to discover and learn about the subject. With kids and the internet today (oh noes!) there’s no telling what happens with a cursory Google search. My kids will end up thinking sex begins with some kind of fetish.

So what books do you recommend for curious YA-age kids? And how do you romance writing moms handle The Talk?