Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

Bitchery Exchange Student Mads is an Aussie in France, and she needs le help! She is looking to build a reading list of bodice-rippingly-good saga romances for her reading pleasure.

Recently I got the opportunity to become and exchange student in France- and voila, here I am. I’ve been in France for six weeks now and despite the freezing, disgusting weather (I’m Australian; this is my idea of hell. Well, this and that Hoff strippy, trippy thing you posted) I’m really enjoying France. But I have an incredibly obvious problem: A lack of books. I tore through the Quinn and Kleypas I brought with me and I’ve been indulging in ebooks since.

Here is my question. My anecdote wasn’t long and rambley without reason- I need Smart Bitch help.

I would really love to read some epic romance. I’m sick of regency, my usual romance fodder, and I’d love to try something with a bit more kick. I’m open to paranormal but my true love is always going to be historical. I’ve been thinking about the long and rather terrible epic sagas of the 80’s like Jane Feather and other authors.

I was just wondering if the very capable bitchery could help me out: I have far too much time on my hands with nothing to do but drink Chocolat Chaud and enjoy the French hotties (Quel Horreur!) and I’m in serious need of very long romance novels, preferably with a good plot line in addition to being a bodice ripper.

Well, I’ll leave this in your capable hands.

First, you might like Almost French: Love and a New Life in Paris about an Aussie lady who marries a Parisian man and learns to cross naturally exuberant Australian friendliness with French culture. It’s hilariously awesome.

But saga romances? I confess I am a complete sucker for one of the first romances I’ve ever read: Blaze Wyndham. It may not be in print or easy to find, but it’s bodice-rippery and saga-licious like damn and what.  What’s your pick? 

The flip side of asking for the good stuff to read? I also need some average to oh-man-that’s-horrid recommendations, too. BUT, if you are not thrilled with the idea of wielding the hammer of “Holy Crap This Stank” against a fellow author, please feel free to But please, hook me up with some truly average to holy-crapdamn-bad category recommendations, too?

Please?

Hello? Anyone?

Bueller? 

UPDATED: Category! I meant Category! Categorically yikky category that you just plain didn’t like.

Note to self: never post while exhausted. Doh! 

As I’ve been working on The Book, I’ve realized that there are woefully large holes in my romance reading education. Never mind that every day is “Help a Bitch Out” day in my brain as I try to remember which plot goes with which title and author name. I am one of those people who remembers the cover image and color scheme more than the names. It’s truly a flaw, but it’s not as bad as my inability to remember numbers. I am a complete mess when trying to remember an address in Manhattan, where there’s building numbers, street numbers, floor numbers, and suite numbers. Forget it. Everyone needs to live on a named avenue.

Anyway, as I’ve confronted these giant gaping embarrassing holes in my romance knowledge, I have decided to do what I usually do when I realize I don’t know about something. I fire up the OCD and start reading and learning as much as I can as fast as I can until my brain says, “ENOUGH. GO WATCH QVC while I percolate!”

So! Here’s my plan: January 2008: I’m going to read category novels. HQ: Presents, SilDesire, Blaze - as many as I can. I’m skipping the Steeple Hill as inspirational romance is another gaping hole to be leaped over at a later date.

(February 2008: Black Romance. Any and all romance featuring African-American protagonists. But I’m not ready to plan that one yet.)

My plan is to read and review as many category novels as I can, though the reviews may be smaller than my normal nattering of many, many words, so that I can not only familiarize myself with as many of these books as possible, but understand how they work and why they comprise such a popular and enduring niche in the romance publishing world. Fortunately for me, my wallet, and my bag (and my back!) I am starting to build an eBook library bit by bit so if I can find some titles online, that makes me a happy Sarah.

If you have any recommendations - series romance past, present, or way, way back in the day - please pass it along. I’m a-hunting a wide sample.

House Rule: You may, of course, recommend your own book, BUT for every one of your own books you mention, you must recommend one by another author. 

It’s time for a Very Special Good Shit vs. Shit to Avoid, which is also partly a “Help a Bitch Out” request as well. Bitchery Reader L is on bedrest going through hellacious chemotherapy. The drugs have weakened her legs to the point where walking is painful, and so she’s staring at her bedroom walls for way, WAY too much time while she attempts to Kick Cancer’s Ass.

So! She has a request of the well-read and brilliant Bitchery: we’re looking for total escape romance, the kind that sucks you in and pulls you into another world, preferably one with a superb happy ending. We need your favorite “removes me from my present location immediately” romance reads because bed rest + chemo = NEED FOR GOOD BOOKS. L adds regarding the Bitchery:

They are so incredibly smart well-read in the romance area and I suspect other areas as well. If they have any recommendations of funny laugh-out-loud Regencies , I’d really be a happy camper. To give you an idea I love love love Loretta Chase and have read every one of her books, but unfortunately she doesn’t write fast enough.

Bring it on! We’re looking for the very best in uplifting, happy, happy, joy, joy, funny, funny romance. I’m going to open the suggestions to all subgenres, not just Regencies, so as to compile a longer collection list of romance that makes your day better. So please let us know the subgenre of your suggestion.

And special message to L: kick ass, take names, and I wish you many, many happy new years. 

Bitchery reader Amy asks for romances set in Canada - the Definitive List.

A friend and I were discussing the usual settings for romance novels and we suddenly wondered if there are any romance novels set in Canada (most particularly in Nova Scotia). I would love to see a book about the Canadian Mounty’s Secret Baby. Does anyone know of anything like that?

Personally, I want to know when will there be erotica about the ever-mounting Mounty? And when he arrives at That Crucial Moment, can there be an “Oh, CANADA!” joke? Because, well, it’s awesome?