Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

Time for yet another Smart Bitches Romance Novel Personal Ad. As usual: guess the novel in the comments, and first correct winner gets a very special title, from Sarah, Duchess Cuntington, and Candy, la Comtesse du Gant d’Amour!

WANTED: MAN WHO SEES THE OBVIOUS

SWF, Scottish, loathsome of Sassenachs, seeks man who can see beneath the surface to woo and win brilliant, though disguised, whip-smart lass. Men who employ blunt force, stubborn will, and cream to ease their passage on the unwilling need not apply. Promise to love, honor, but there will so not be obedience in this relationship. Men with winsome and spunky mistresses need not hesitate - if you can win a bluestocking, you can win me. But do expect to give the hussy up once she is finished saving us from danger, is that clear?

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Since we were caught off-guard with our little Personal Ad contest today, we didn’t have the prize quite ready yet for LaurieS when she won, like, 20 milliseconds after we posted the contest. But behold, the glory of our prize!

Each winner every week will have the honor of receving a different one of these puppies. That’s right: different title, different O-face, different schmancy font, different background colors (probably) and if we feel really sassy, we’ll start adding even more PhotoShop effects! Shit, we might even add a lens flare, or one of those twinkly-star effects. There’s no limit to how tacky this can become. And if you win multiple times--why, think of the glorious collection you can amass. It’ll be like Pokemon, only with bigger, bouncier knockers!

Only the winner has the right to display this on her webpage. Any pretenders to the title will be set upon by vicious attack ferrets. Special requests (such as making a button that’ll fit on a sidebar, or there’s an O-face you really, REALLY love that you want us to use) will be happilly accomodated.

I know, y’all are just wetting your pants in anticipation for next week’s contest, aren’t you?

EDIT: OK, including the HTML code for the picture just completely breaks the CSS layout for some reason. I’m not sure if there’s a flaw in our template, or if it’s some kind of browser bug. Anyway, it’s really annoying. LaurieS, check the comments for the contest, I’ll post the code there instead.

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This is unabashedly inspired by the Craigslist personal ad we linked to yesterday. Guess who the (not-quite) Intrepid Heroine is in our Comments, and the first person to correctly list the heroine’s full name, book title and author will win our regard, affection, and a PhotoShopped placard featuring some kind of lame but hopefully funny custom title you can proudly place on your website, or print out on stickers and paste on your forehead/your pets/sleeping husbands/helpless small children. “Duchess Cuntington” is already taken by Sarah, though, just so you know.

OK, enough blabbing, on to the personal ad.

WEAK GIRL WHO CRIES IN NEED OF STRONG MAN

Psychic SWF, tormented by gruesome visions of psychotic killer, in need of larger-than-life SWM to dole out verbal abuse, ogle my ass, take care of me (smothering attention and assumption that I’m completely helpless OK), grope me 24/7 while convinced I’m a liar. Ability to maintain erection while watching me writhe in pain during traumatic psychic visions and readiness to kick danger in ass a plus. Direct inquiries to codependent_dependent@romanticpersonals.com.

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