Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

Amy E. recently reminded me that I hadn’t posted the Personal Ad Contest yet. So here it comes! The usual rules apply: Title of book + author’s name + heroine’s name = PURE AWESOMENESS IN PIXEL FORMAT JUST FOR YOU, a.k.a. a Smart Bitch title. And you know it’s gotta be good, because look, I abused my capslock key!

(If I abuse it too often, does that mean I’ll get hairy palms?)

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Impecunious SWF with impeccable bloodlines seeks man with fortune and title, but will marry a rich upstart if I have to--like, say, a wealthy textile merchant. Just don’t expect me to fall in love with you, no matter how good-natured or optimistic you are. No, your gentle good humor and endless patience with my snippiness aren’t working. I refuse to love you. I’m the daughter of a duke. I…

Oh, crap, fine, I love you.

This is a measure of how out-of-it I’ve been lately: I completely forgot that I never actually posted MaryKate’s title after she won the last Personal Ad Contest. I had it made and ready to go, and my brain had somehow convinced itself that I’d posted it, but I hadn’t. Egad.

So all apologies for the lateness, MaryKate, but I hope you like the title, because we Smart Bitches dub thee:

Just when you thought we’d forgotten that we have a semi-regular contest on Fridays, here comes another one! ‘Cause we like to keep you on your toes. And also, Candy has a mind like a steel sieve and completely forgot it was her turn last week to come with one. Ha. Anyway, the usual rules apply:

First person to correctly guess Heroine’s Name + Title of Book + Author will be the recipient of a Smart Bitch Title, Guaranteed Made of 100% Awesome. And unlike all the other pansy-ass title-makers out there, we ensure ours are made from 100% Child Sweatshop Labor. Because hey, 6-year-olds need to work, too, and who are we to deny the forces of the free market?

This one’s an easy one, too.

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Divorced white female, going through a bit of a mid-life crisis, seeks perky dog and nothing else. I’m certainly not looking for a dog that’s about as perky as the Hindenburg after it crashed. And I’m definitely, definitely not looking for a romantic entanglement with an ER doctor living on the floor below me. You know--the really, really hot one. The one who loves old movies and Mystery Science Theater 3000. The one who’s 10 years younger than me. Yeah, that one. I really don’t need to be involved with him. Not even remotely.

Happy happy joy joy, happy happy joy to Kat for correctly guessing this week’s Lonely Heart: Torrie Masters from C.J. Barry’s Unmasked.

Kneel while I wave the big ass bitch stick sword of Man-Titte and initiate you into the Smart Bitch Peerage. Arise, Kat, with your new title:

You know the drill - name, author, and heroine’s name? Fine Smart Bitch Title™ will be yours!

Once upon a time, they lived happily ever after.

Just kidding!

Spacey pilot and heiress to a family empire seeks hot piratical hero with a passion for saving lost souls and a sense of honor as wide as several galaxies. Must be willing to fight with me a good bit, and alongside me against a worlds-wide conspiracy that threatens both of us. You slip beneath the stream of the law while I work to become my own master as a shipping pilot, but each of us will have to meet in the middle between the law and lawless passion. Only then will I give you the Nod.