Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

Bitchery Reader Talpianna Tina! (sorry Tina!) says:

All this thinking about category romances reminded me that there was an author who wrote very unconventional category romances.  By unconventional, I mean, her heroines were not super-gorgeous, perfect creatures just waiting for the right incredibly sexy, handsome, rich stud to notice her and rush her to the alter (after a secret baby or two).  Her protagonists always seemed “real” to me, ie, people that you might actually know or be (so she probably didn’t do category for long, huh?) I CAN NOT THINK OF HER NAME!!  I’ve tried and tried.  If someone can name the title of the one book plot that I can remember by her, it would help me find her and whatever else she’s written because she was great.

It was set in the Florida Keys, I’m almost sure.  She worked as a bartender.  She had what appeared to the hero to be dyed blond hair with a good inch or two of dark roots showing.  Meanwhile he’s a private investigator who’s getting older and getting pretty tired of following people around to prove they are liars and cheats to whomever has hired him.  He’s carrying a little extra weight (not much, if I remember right).  Turns out, she ran away from her husband and she’s worried he’s trying to find her.  She really is blond (something the hero finds out after they have sex) and she’s been dying the roots brown to look like a natural brunette who needs to re-do her hair (figuring that was a more convincing way to hide her natural color than changing the whole thing).  Meanwhile, the private investigator isn’t even looking for her, he’s after someone else.  He didn’t get suspicious of her until he realized that she was being evasive and acting suspicious (and dying her hair so that it was two different colors before emo made it cool?) In the end, she tells him everything and he looks into it (being a private investigator).  Everything works out in the end--her husband, his career choices.  See--not your usual category romance, especially in the late 80’s/early 90’s.  Anyone remember this book or author?

Not your usual category author, writing a heroine with… ROOTS?! Oh my GOD, what’s next? Heroines with a habit for French-manicured acrylic nails?

A festive Sunday morning to you. Here at the Hall of Bitchery, we welcome another to the Smart Bitch Peerage, as Egads correctly guessed in the first comment that the book Kaetchen was seeking was indeed the trainwreck of OMG that is Elise by Sara Reavin.

Kneel, Egads, and arise with your new Smart Bitch Title™.

Bitchery Reader Kaetchen writes:

I have been searching in vain for a book that I read when I was in 8th or 9th grade – so about 1985. I don’t believe that the book was new even when I read it, though. I spent the summer with my granny, and found the book at her house, and boy, was it a doozy (this said with Granny’s bathroom read of, “The Blow Job” taken into account – I am not shitting you!).

The plot, as best I can remember (and greatly reduced – this was a *hurkin’* great book):

Young girl is ravished by Prince Regent. Ends up marrying BIG dupe, and “adopting” her own baby by PR. Dupe Husband gets turned on when Young Mother lactates for the baby (you’d think that he’d have gotten clue from that?), thereby getting it on with mother, and providing twin half-brothers for little girl baby.

No, wait, it gets better. 

Michael from Aurora Publishing, producer of much manga, has a question for y’all, and has asked if I would query the Bitchery regarding a new project they’re working on. Aurora is looking into the possibility of taking romance novels and converting them to manga format:

However, there are limitations.  First of all, we wipe out the entirety of fiction and history.  [They] must be modern stories.  Second, no mystery novels (cop/suspect, murder scenes, etc).  I know that kicks out many, many, many, many, many (you get the point) romance novels, but those types are bad in the market right now. 

So, we are left with modern-day women going about their daily lives, encountering hot men and having their way with them, or being had… whichever. Great manga have big character development, like someone having a low in their life, then by the end of the story, things have perked up (in more ways than one).

So, if you have any suggestions that might fit in that narrow field, I would love to hear of them.... [O]ur first goal would be to sell in the Japan market to start things off, then bring to the American market.  For the latter, we would DEFINITELY broaden our horizons…

Now, I’ll be the first to admit I know diddly about manga - though Michael was kind enough to send me a sample so I’d at least somewhat know what I was talking about - so I asked how one goes about taking a romance novel and translating it into the visual feast of graphics that is manga, and what types of stories would work best.

(NOTE: Update below the fold)

Bitchery reader Kaitlin writes:

I’m another one of the bitches looking for a book.  I honestly can’t remember a lot about it, but I’ll do my best.

I was 10 and my aunt got me a huge box full of the old Candlelight Ecstasy imprints.  This would’ve been in 1986.  I’m looking for a specific book from that imprint.  The biggest thing I can remember is the cover.  The heroine is wearing a green blouse that’s partially unbuttoned and he’s standing behind her with his arm around her waist....and I think she had red hair.

I think the hero was a writer (or something along those lines).  I can’t remember if there is a lighthouse or something connected to the story, but it’s been a LONG time since I read it.  I’ve read so many books in the meantime I could be putting things together that have nothing to do with this book at all!  I hate it when that happens.

This one was definitely one of the hotter ones.  The sex & the chemistry between the two was hawt.  I know I’m not able to tell you much, but I hope someone can dig thru & figure it out.  Thanks so much for the help!

Anyone remember a hawt Candlelight with a green blouse that’s partially unbuttoned? I wonder if it’s unbuttoned but still tucked into a belt. Because that’s extra double cheese hot. I mean, hawt.