Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

Bitchery reader Jennifer writes:

I’ve been reading romance novels for, oh, the last 6 or 7 years, ever since I secretly borrowed (secretly because I was quite young) one from my mom that she’d borrowed from my grandma. I read it, couldn’t put it down & haven’t stopped since. Shortly after I finished with the book, it disappeared. I have not been able to find it on my mom’s or my grandma’s shelves...and for the life of me, I can’t remember the name or author.

I hope with these very few key points that have remained in my head that someone will know what the book is:
--The heroine designs/creates/builds stained glass windows.
--The hero’s name is Hawk.
--There is this hot, steamy (well, to my 12 year old self) scene on a boat, maybe a sailboat, where they have sex.
--When Hawk inevitably leaves the heroine, she throws herself into creating this gorgeous window for Hawk. She doesn’t eat & doesn’t sleep for days, simply creating the window. Hawk may or may not have been the one to find her passed out on the floor from sheer exhaustion.
--The window she created for Hawk has a hawk in it with a little red tear drop under his eye. Upon further inspection by Hawk, there is a rose etched into the red tear drop.

That’s all I got. Thanks in advance if you post this & for your help!

That’s a lot of detail. I’ll be surprised if no one guesses this one relatively quickly.

Kim writes:

I’m looking for a book title and author.  The book is set back in the 1700-1800’s in England or nearby and it’s about a girl not exactly accepted by the “ton” who is invited on a picnic auction (for charity).  She hesitantly brings her basket to be auctioned off and as the auction takes place she watches the pretty ribbons blowing in the wind on the basket belonging to the “catch of the season” which is getting lots of bids… this girl’s (main character) basket was purposely getting no bids and one person(who was paid to) bid a humiliating low bid and he was the only taker.

She was so embarrassed...well the handsome man all the girls had eyes for caught on and bid an outrageous amount and had the picnic with her.  They already knew each other and weren’t on good terms. I really want to know the author and title...Can anyone help me?

Charity picnic auction? Is that historically possible? And does anyone recognize that book?

It’s been awhile since I’ve had more than 10 minutes at my computer, alongside my sexy postage scale and my box o’prizes (which, for the record) the cats desperately try to sleep in, but I refuse to allow them to do so. They are miffed).

First, a coronation! After consulting with the Oracle of Bitchery Titles, I am pleased to confer upon Danica, who, about 18 years ago in Internet time, guessed The Seagull Book in a two-part Guess That Lonely Heart. Kneel, Danica, and arise a member of the Smart Bitch Peerage™.

Liz writes in with more than a few details, but her efforts to locate this book, or the trilogy of which it is a part, have been thwarted:

For the life of me I cannot remember the author of this category that I read ages ago. It’s driving me nuts because I want to read it again, the complete set.

I think it was a Mills & Boon but it could be a Silhoutte (sp?). I read this when I was 14. I remember the title was Chris. I know there is a trilogy. It was about three siblings from a winemaking family in Portugal (I think). There is an older brother which I can’t remember the name, Chris is the second brother, Francesca is the sister’s name. I know Francesca ended up with a millionaire Texan cowboy or oil baron in her book, his name is Sam. Can’t remember anything about the older brother’s book.

Ok here’s the gist of Chris (this is the first book). I think the heroine is called Tiffany (???). When the book started, Tiffany (?) was a gold digger, she planned to hook the older brother into being her sugar daddy. There was a party right at the start at the hero’s family home in Portugal (I’m pretty sure it’s in Portugal, but I could be totally wrong). Chris saw through Tiffany’s plan and he either threatened/blackmailed/seduced her into being his mistress instead, or something like that. They moved to New York where he looked after their American branch. I remembered Tiffany ended up pregnant, Chris thought she had an abortion, can’t remember anything except that at the end he found her back in Portugal several months later with a massive belly thus realizing he had wrongly accused her of killing their baby. I’m sure there was some kind of misunderstanding.

I hope the amazing awesomeness of the Bitchery can help me out. I remembered really enjoying the book when I was reading it. It was one of my first category that I read and actually liked. I really want to read it again. Many thanks.

ETA: Oops. Posted the wrong one earlier. This is the correct HaBO. I’m sure it was all a big misunderstanding between my undercaffeinated brain and my very quick fingers. 

OK, you know that horrible, horrible, tawdry and really skin-crawlingly revolting song by Heart that I can’t even name because just READING the title puts that earworm bastard in your head for the next six to eight weeks? The one about the one night stand that ends up in a pregnancy because the chick wanted a baby and so she banged some guy on the side of the road? No, wait, you like that song? I will pay you cash money not to sing it to me because I cannot stand it and it stays in my head for years. Oh, crap, I can hear it right now in the back of my mind… MAKE IT STOP.

Anyway, my mental torture notwithstanding, I have a HaBO from Suzanne, and while it doesn’t involve a pregnancy, it does sound very close to that creep-ass song:

I have been amazed at how well the Bitchery can determine a book from minimal hints, and wondered if you would be so kind as to ask them about a book I read years ago (probably early eighties, and I think I got it out of a bag of books my Mom kept). I was a young mother staying at home with the kids at the time, and was very caught up in reading romances (still am!).  I don’t think it was a category book.

All I remember is an attractive woman whose car breaks down while she is driving in the country, and she is stranded and rescued by a handsome guy (of course).  He takes her back to his cabin (or country house?), and of course they have a romantic encounter; she knows everything about him, but she doesn’t tell him anything about herself...very mysterious.  Of course, she is gone in the a.m. when he wakes.  He searches, she hides, etc. etc., then they finally meet at a party or something, and it turns out she is unhappily married to an older guy.  Thus the conflict, as he feels betrayed, yada, yada, and I remember vaguely, I think the old guy gets sick or dies, and anyway, after much hurt feelings and conflict, they get together.

Wow, can’t believe anyone will be able to tell me the name of this book from such a miserable bit of info, but would really love to read it again.

Do you think they can help??

Does this ring a bell? Anyone? Wait, what’s that you’re humming? STOP IT. STOP IT RIGHT NOW.