Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

Rachel writes:

The book I’m looking for is a category romance from the 80s, I think Silhouette Intimate Moments, though I don’t remember it being very suspenseful.  The heroine went to a Romance Novel Convention with her best friend who was an aspiring author, and won a date with a Spy Novelist named Stone Grey/Gray (I think).  That’s pretty much all I remember, except that the best friends book was considered terrible and Stone had a swinging bachelor pad.  I think the book was pretty tongue-in-cheek.

If you could run this past the bitchery I’d be eternally grateful.

Swinging bachelor pad and a Romance Novel Convention? Oh, l so hope someone can name this one. 

It seems the vast knowledge of the Bitchery when it comes to all things cover art is not a secret, especially among the publishing houses. I received an email from Lauren Naefe, Online Marketing Manager at HarperCollins, who asked if I consult the Oracle of the Bitchery to help settle an in-house debate. It seems the cover art for a particular book is under discussion, and there are two hotly-contested candidates for the coveted position. It’s like deciding the Democratic presidential nomination, only with Bitchery, cussing, and fun! How perfect for SuperTuesday, eh?

The book in question is Confessions of a Beauty Addict, the fiction debut of Nadine Haobsh which comes out November 18. Haobsh is the beauty editor who was outed by New York Post as blogger behind “Jolie In NYC”, a hugely popular blog about all things involving beauty secrets. Her nonfiction advice manual, Beauty Confidential was published in October of ‘07.

The summary of Confessions of a Beauty Addict reads as follows:

When Bella Hunter, Beauty Expert and all around magazine editor wunderkind, loses her job for spilling top industry secrets to Page 6 she thinks her life is over. And, to top it all off, she’s managed to dye her hair bright orange. At her wits end and desperate not to return home with her tail between her legs, Bella accepts a job a Womanly Wear: a magazine her mom reads. But how can she face her glamorous ex-co-workers now that she works in an office where khaki (not Cavalli) is the way of life? Bella is out to wage war on the beauty world one bad makeover at a time, armed with only her Marc Jacobs shoes, three meddling best friends, and a flighty supermodel boyfriend. At odds with her stuffy (and undeniably gorgeous) publisher, Bella begins to realize that she may be fighting the wrong battle.

With that in mind, here are the two covers that the folks at Avon A are battling over. Which do you like? What comments do you have for either one. Lauren has graciously offered 2 advance copies of the book to the two readers who offer the most helpful comment - so speak often and as much as you want. 

Growly Cub writes:

When I lived in Scotland in 93/94 I read a Mills and Boon (historical) category from a local library about the one of the Duke of Sutherland's daughters, or maybe a woman who married into the family.

I can't remember much about it, just that the female was very young. I want to say it took place in the late 1700s, early 1800s, but I'm not sure I trust my memory; and that the story was inspired by somebody who lived at Dunrobin Castle as some point in her life.

The unreliable mind also spits out a memory of a pinkish cover, no author or title though.

Would love to find this title again! Although I'm all aware that it's nowhere near as interesting as the Regency time travel!

Bitchery reader Joopiter writes:

I’m a new reader to your site (thank you StumbleUpon) and going through your archives has inspired me to go find some of the old historicals that I devoured during my teenage years. There’s one that I’m blanking on and I’m hoping you or your loyal readers can help me identify it. I think I read this during high school (’90-95) or possibly earlier. What I remember

* The hero was in possession of a stolen jewel which cursed his family and maybe led to the murder of his fiancée/wife. I’m pretty sure his name was Saxon.
* The heroine was rescued from an attack on her family’s ship when she was a child and was adopted into the family of a sultan (I think) who possesses the other cursed jewels. She is tasked with getting the other jewel back and meets the hero when she dances for him when he’s a guest of the sultan. And she has a rose tattoo on her forearm that covers a scar she got during the initial attack.
* There may be a tiger involved somewhere. I have a vague recollection of the heroine hiding the rest of the jewels in her pet tiger’s collar.
* I’m pretty sure the original cover was a bright aqua blue.

I know it’s not a lot, but any help is greatly appreciated. Keep up the great work on your site!

Bitchery reader Maria writes:

I have been racking my brain and beating up librarians all over town trying to locate a certain novel that I read in high school, the title and author of which of course escapes me.  So I am sure that my woes will be put to rest if you could post this, and then some smart-talking trashy-book reading bitch can give me what I need.

The book would most likely have been a Zebra *Heartfire* romance, or at least Zebra. (Hey, I loved those cool holograph stickers on the front of that line...I was in highschool, okay?) It would not have been originally published any later than 1995, because I graduated in 1996 and believe the book was at least a few years old when I read it. I would guess at it being published somewhere between 1985 and 1993.

The book was a historical, same era as the Pirates of the Caribbean I would guess. It featured a saucy heroine with golden-blonde hair who somehow ends up on a pirate ship with a sexy, swashbuckling captain, who (of course) seduces her. She tries to escape several times, without success, and I cannot remember much on the ending/resolution. (She may have been a duchess/governor’s daughter/etc. and he may have secretly been a “respectable gent” who was just masquerading as a pirate to get into girls’ pantaloons). Now here’s the ray of sunshine: I remember that the pirate-captain’s nickname for the saucy gal was “Dovetail.” He called her Dovetail, and I recall a scene where they are on land (most of story takes place on the boat somewhere) and she escapes, he chases her down and she falls/skids down an embankment and cuts her shoulder up on some rocks. He pins here there and hovers his mouth over her nipple, in order to molest her through her shirt via condensation. All this just to show her that she secretly wants him and he has total power over her.  (That whole captive/captor thing gets me every time...yowza!)

I was with her until the “Dovetail” part and was going to suggest The Windflower but I know the heroine isn’t nicknamed anything resembling Dovetail. Anyone know this one?