Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

Teddy Pig and Spider suggested we give a prize to those who can Help a Bitch Out in one guess and nail the correct book for the person seeking their lost reading material. We agree. While Spider suggested something “in waiting,” we figure, naaaah. Bitches who Help Other Bitches that fast get full fledged peerages.

So!

To BlackVal, whose email address proclaims her Black Val the Pirate, who identified Flight from the Eagle by Dinah Dean, we dub thee:

And, to JMC, who identified Lois McMaster Bujold’s The Curse of the Chalion in one guess, we dub thee:

New reader Ally wrote in with a fantasy request - that’s a request for a fantasy novel, y’all. Don’t get all excited.

Rugged, somewhat unkempt night errant finds himself inside a walled city in the guardianship of a pair of nubile young princesses. The scene I remember most vividly (for some stupid reason) is when he gives them swimming lessons--they don’t know how, being Sheltered Princesses--and he is rather aroused by the sight of them in wet clothes. Ahem. At the end, something attacks the walled city, and a whole bunch of gods swoop in to save the city and talk to our hero about--something. I can’t remember. I think he gets to marry one of the princesses, despite being, like, 40. At least that’s what I sort of remember.

Hot swimming lessons with rugged older man? Yowza!

Bitchery reader Sarah (not me) asks for help with a makeover story.

Back when I was in Junior High (the 80’s) I read a book about a high school girl who decides to make herself over, using two books for inspiration. The first book is a “How to get a guy in 10 days” sort of deal. The second is a romance novel swiped from her mom.

I remember much hilarity as this smart girl tries to revamp herself, and to understand her world in terms of the romance novel and the advice book--and the discovery that, if you pick and choose wisely, they both might have something to offer.

Other details escape me, though I recall a lot of jokes about the romance novel going “crazy with the fire imagery.”

I’m asking about it not only because it’s making me nuts, but also because it occurs to me that you and your readers might get a kick out of the book.

Anyway, thanks, if you know anything about this one!

Bitchery reader Katia has a taller order: she’s going on vacation and needs some beach reading, and is encountering some difficulty in finding romance novels featuring Jewish folks:

I’ve been looking for stuff with Jewish protagonists, though Romancelandia seems mostly pretty WASPy, with some Catholics thrown in for flavor.

You think? Romancelandia is homogenized and Christian? Please. Used to be having a French protagonist was the romance writing equivalent of slapping your grandmother. Jewish? Fuggedabahdit.

So - anyone got any recommendations?

Bitchery reader Tracie is getting her Master’s degree in Publishing, and she’s writing a paper on book covers and sales, and wrote to ask for our help. It’s a different kind of HaBO request - one that asks you to take a quick survey and perhaps write a small bit on how covers affect your book buying habits. To quote Tracie:

My topic is “book covers and sales,” so I have a lot of room to maneuver. In general, I want to find out major trends that attract people to books. And I want to prove that while covers may not ultimately make someone buy a book, they can definitely be the reason someone doesn’t buy a book.

[M]y professor suggested that I go stand in a bookstore one afternoon and interview random customers. As much as the idea of flying-squirrel-tackling people into taking a survey appeals, it’s just not going to happen. This is really an exploratory survey. Because I used a free survey system and could only ask 10 questions, I’d also love to see what people say in the comments. Do they worry about what people will think about them based on the covers of books they are reading? Have they ever bought a book based on the cover alone? And in an internet age, do covers even matter that much anymore? The first in that list of questions really intrigues me. I think of it as the “train factor.” If you’re embarrassed to read it on the subway, are you going to buy it? If that’s the case, then maybe bodice-ripping, werewolf-humping covers are good for quick reads and ebooks, where you don’t have to face your shame out to the world, but are a bad idea for longer books that will take more than a lonely Saturday afternoon to finish.

If you’re interested in helping Tracie out, her survey can be found here, but her thesis is really intriguing me, especially after the discussion about the Seattle weekly cover.

Updated to add:

Tracie has added two more survey links since the first one maxed out.

Option #1

Option #2