Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

Thanks to Kalen Hughes, I have spied with my little bespectacled eye the Romantic Times nominations for Reader’s Choice awards. Hello there, Nathalie Gray, Victoria Dahl, and Kalen Hughes. And Julia Quinn. And damn, that’s a LOT of nominees. How long is this awards ceremony?

I’m STILL SCROLLING. And look, Dot Frank. She lives in my town.

And PC Cast and Kristin Cast - hot diggity.  And J.D. Robb.

OK, still scrolling. Holy cow.

Samantha Graves! Marianne Stillings! Jeaniene Frost!

AND THERE BETTER BE A BATHROOM BREAK TIMES 10 if this is all in one ceremony, is all I’m sayin’.

Look, there’s Lilith Saintcrow’s Dante Valentine nominated as best heroine - whee!

I need a bathroom break from reading this list.

Liz Fielding is nominated too!

And my eyes are crossing. I’m actually cross-eyed so it’s not like this is a new thing but with double vision this list just got twice as long. And if there’s someone here who I’ve missed, give yourself a shoutout.

WOW. That’s a lot of nominees. So, since I know diddly-poo about the RT conference except that I plan on going, is this one ceremony? Or, is there a ceremony? Or are the winners issued in a blanket announcement? And is it going to be Saturday night this year because who the hell crapping planned it to coincide with Pesach such that all us Passover-celebrating Jewish folk have to head off to seder on Saturday night? Because, dude, BOO on that decision.

My matzo musings notwithstanding, booyah to those who scored a nomination - name checking is always a good thing.

A friend of mine who was gently skeptical about romance novels expressed an interest in trying out one that I thought was especially good. Based on what I knew about her (she wanted something fairly lighthearted and escapist, and she can’t abide stupid heroines), I gave her a copy of Lord of Scoundrels.

She just wrote to me--she liked it! Stayed up reading way too late for two nights, even. BOO YAH and happy dancing all around.

I’m now plotting a strategic gift package of other smart romance novels that aren’t too horribly angsty and that feature strong, capable heroines. (Though I’m now afraid I might’ve spoiled her--Jessica Trent and Sebastian Dain are a difficult act to follow.) Here’s a short list:

1. Midsummer Moon by Laura Kinsale.
2. To Love and the Cherish by Patricia Gaffney
3. Miss Wonderful by Loretta Chase
4. Mr. Impossible by Loretta Chase
5. Anyone but You by Jennifer Crusie (if she likes Crusie’s style, oh man is she going to be inundated with suggestions)
6. Wild at Heart by Patricia Gaffney

I’m also contemplating giving her one of Sharon Shinn’s Samaria novels.

I’m really happy she gave Lord of Scoundrels a chance, because she picked up my copy of Decadent by Shayla Black (which I need to review after finals) and she was stunned at how terrible it was.

All About Romance has had discussions in the past about conversion kits--books you’d give to a skeptic to show them that underneath all that man-titty and heaving bosomage is a genre worth reading and exploring. What’s in YOUR kit?

Our auction ended, and the lucky winner is SkipperRedBall, who won with a bid of $305.00 US.  Congratulations Skipper, and please contact me asap so we can get your ad running.

And thank you as well, because the proceeds from our ad auction will be donated to the American Red Cross. 

Here at Smart Bitch HQ, we’re expensive bitches. We mail out prize packages all over the world, we host our website and buy our domain name, and we spend money on things like drugs, hookers, and Hasselhoff. And in order to keep our pimp hands strong, and our Hassel-habit going, we offer advertising. We honestly didn’t think it would be that big of a deal, but hello, large stick of Clueless, please, beat me on the head.

As of right now, the large ad space on our sidebar is sold out for 2008. The whole damn year and we aren’t even there yet. Plus we’re taking reservations for the smaller rotating ad space, and have some folks booked through late ‘08 as well.

So! What to do for folks who clamor for the opportunity to pimp their wild selves on the hot pink wonderment that is Smart Bitches? Candy and I put our heads together (virtually - putting us in the same state can cause tectonic shifts or bad attitudes or something equally bizarre) and came up with a solution:

Starting Jan 1 2008, we’re going to offer a second larger adspace for your pimpin’ pleasure. The ad space will be 200 px wide by 300 px high, and will be on the sidebar with the other ad spaces.  However, instead of featuring one ad per month, we’re going to sell the space in 1-month increments, and rotate two, and only two, ads in that space per month. The price will be $75.00 US a month.

We’re taking reservations now. Please email First come, first served. Your mileage may vary. Not valid in countries whose names end with “Steve” ("Stan" is acceptable). This offer brought to you by the number 6, the number 9, and the letter B.

Norman Mailer has won the Bad Sex Award! What a marvelous honor for some truly amazing writing:

So Klara turned head to foot, and put her most unmentionable part down on his hard-breathing nose and mouth, and took his old battering ram into her lips. Uncle was now as soft as a coil of excrement. She sucked on him nonetheless with an avidity that could come only from the Evil One - that she knew. From there, the impulse had come. So now they both had their heads at the wrong end, and the Evil One was there. He had never been so close before.

The Hound began to come to life. Right in her mouth. It surprised her. Alois had been so limp. But now he was a man again! His mouth lathered with her sap, he turned around and embraced her face with all the passion of his own lips and face, ready at last to grind into her with the Hound, drive it into her piety.

Wow. “Her piety.” That’s a new one. I hope I don’t see that again.