Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

Tango magazine asked me for a summer reading list, only instead of new and best-of, they wanted a beach reading list that was guaranteed to make any vacation, or wish-you-were-on-vacation reading time enjoyable. So I thought about my never-fail books, from the cracktastic and utterly escape-y fun to the more recent books that rocked my socks, and added to that the books that I go back to over and over again for yay summer reading. Drawing inspiration from your ideas, I came up with a list that finally, after MUCH editing, fit within the word count limits.

The article went live today, so if you’re interested on how I winnowed a list of 356,375 books down to, like 15, have a look. (I’m such a dork. I keep going back to look at it. Lookee! Something I wrote!) Happy Officially Summer, Y’all!

I love how the article title calls it “the new E” - new? Are you kidding with the “new?” - but there’s a rather complimentary, if somewhat befuddling article in PW today about the ebook erotica industry titled The New E in Erotica.

I’m laughing mostly because I just finished writing about the “E” in romance for The Book, discussing erotic romance and epublishing and their respective ties to the genre. Is this reporter looking over my shoulder? Creepy!

Avon’s Red, EC, Aphrodisia and Wild Rose Press, as well as authors Cheyenne McCray, Noire, Lora Leigh, and Colette Gale are all featured, but the money quote that sent a mighty chortle to my lips was this one, from Raelene Gorlinsky at EC:

Things that were shocking five years ago—anal sex, ménage à trois—have now become vanilla.” Since, as Gorlinsky says, the human body can only do so many things, many writers have experimented with different types of adventure and fantasy—or a combination of the two.

“The human body can only do so many things?” Best tagline ever for an erotic romance publisher and my nominee for “phrase that best sums up the erotic romance market.” Bring on the multi-penes!

ETA: Hat tip to Lucinda Betts for the link!

You stumble across a new post from Candy on Smart Bitches. Marvelling at her impeccable grammar and foul-mouthed erudition, you suddenly realize this is a post about Fighting Fantasy gamebooks. What do you say to yourself?

• “Holy shit! Fighting Fantasy gamebooks! I remember those. They were even better than Choose Your Own Adventure!” Turn to paragraph 73.
• “What the hell is Fighting Fantasy? Or a gamebook? What kind of nerd vortex have I fallen into?” Turn to paragraph i.

As I learned recently, you, or I, can say “bitch” on the radio and the FCC won’t come after you. But there are, as many fans of comedy know, seven words you can’t say. We Bitches are big fans of words you can’t say. From the mellifluous syllables of “cuntmonkey” to new and enjoyable derivatives of “shit” and “fuck,” we Bitches, we like the dirty language. I mean, come on. Our site title in and of itself is all about undermining the dominant assumptions about individual members of our lexicon. We love words, and we really, really love bad words.

So I’m sad this morning to learn that George Carlin, who was once arrested for disturbing the peace because of his routine about the “Seven Words You Can’t Say on Television,” died Sunday of heart failure at age 71. Carlin’s case following the arrest in 1972 was ultimately heard before the Supreme Court, which ruled 5-4 that “the sketch was ‘indecent but not obscene,’” which created a solid foundation for the FCC to “determine what constituted indecency on the airwaves.” The FCC’s cause against indecency continues today - just ask Eric Idle. Of the case Carlin said,

So my name is a footnote in American legal history, which I’m perversely kind of proud of,” Carlin said. “In the context of that era, it was daring.”

“It just sounds like a very self-serving kind of word. I don’t want to go around describing myself as a ‘groundbreaker’ or a ‘difference-maker’ because I’m not and I wasn’t,” he said. “But I contributed to people who were saying things that weren’t supposed to be said.”

Aside from vocabulary and decency issues, I loved Carlin’s comedy routines, particularly the one where he talks about having too much stuff. I think about that and giggle every time I try to pack up the family and it takes an act of congress to move us around, what with all the crap we carry around.

So long, sir. Thanks for cracking me up.

Bitchery Reader Fizz sent me an email that led to the Google Search of Champions. Heather writes about:

potentially THE most powerful endorsement of romance in the known universe.

See, there is this show called Top Gear, aired on the BBC and hosted by Jeremy Clarkson (AKA ‘Clarkson’), Richard Hammond (’Hamster’) and James May (’Captain Slow’).

TG is a car show at heart - it’s a hilariously awesome car show, but it’s basically all about the shiny bodywork and VROOM VROOM noises, with the occasional deep and meaningful question...like for example, “How many motorcycles can you jump in a bus?” or “Can you turn a 1974 Reliant Robin - otherwise known as one of the little three-wheeled cars from Mr Bean - into a functioning space shuttle?” or “Can a Bugatti Veyron outrun a fighter jet?”

They have a tame racing driver, who does the test drives: The Stig

The Stig likes to listen to romance audiobooks in the car. He’s quite famous for it. No one knows who or what he is, but Stig is loved by all...and he loves his romance.

Is it possible to get any more powerful validation as a genre? What do you think?

Seriously, the BBC just loves to stick the knife in and twist, doesn’t it? Clever witty shows about cars… and I’m unable to watch them. WOE I HAS IT.

According to the Wiki, The Stig has driven laps listening to power ballads, and learn Italian tapes, but a few other sites reference The Stig’s listening habits.

So, hello out there in BBC land: anyone watch this show? The burning question is, what novels is The Stig listening to!?