Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

This is the gayest thing ever. No, seriously. Remember when we thought the gay cowboy thing was the gayest thing ever? This is, like, exponentially gayer than that. Even Graham’s Number is inadequate to describe the magnitude of The Gay (and the OMGWTF) of this video.

Warning: Lyrics are very mildly Not Work Safe, but the video in and of itself is very tame. If you have earphones in the office, now would be the time to use them.

Our faithful readers forward on the most interesting bits of news to us regularly, which is awesome, but thanks to being out of town for the last couple of weeks, I’m way, way behind on my e-mail. And as I was going through my inbox this morning, I noticed that we had a huge collection of interesting links. Instead of inundating you with 6 or 7 little posts today, I thought I’d be all efficient and shit and plop everything into one post. Messy, but fun! Not unlike sex in a bathtub full of jello!

Item the First: Jane of Dear Author and Lilith Saintcrow both pointed out to me that Smart Bitches is listed as an option in the new Romantic Times BOOKReview survey.

No, seriously. For realz. Checkit:

How tickled pink are we? Well, shit, just look at the color scheme, and imagine a shade pinker than that.

Item the Second: Another survey, this one with a more academic bent! Bitchery regular Bronwyn is (among other things) conducting a survey of the on-line romance community as part of her doctoral dissertation at the University of New England. This is the first academic study I’ve encountered that’s a fairly large-scale, organized attempt to study the on-line romance community, and the results should be interesting. Check out more details about the study here: “Online communities of romance readers and writers and their perspectives on the genre”. You can also take the survey.

Item the Third: Many of our readers forwarded on the link to the Fabiofone.

One word: Aieeeee.

Item the Fourth: In keeping with our recent discussion about scrotums, it seems that people are getting bent out of shape by the use of another blunt but scientifically correct term. In short, some Seattle-ites are getting their panties in a wad over a pet store called ”High-Maintenance Bitch.” Hahahaha. Hat-tip to Bev for forwarding this item to us.

Item the Fifth: Reader Hillary sent us a link in which some dude person paints insects in the place of heroes on romance novel covers. Fashunating--though I can’t help but feel that a horse’s ass might be a more appropriate substitute for most novels.

Item the Sixth: Malle Vallik alerted us to the fact that there’s a blog dedicated to Harlequin Presents and all its delicious cheesiness. Feel like discussing your love of the sheikh romance, or what being a “mistress” actually means in the Presents universe? Head over to I (Heart) Presents.

In keeping with this hodge-podge, consider the comments to this an open thread. What’s on your mind? What’s on your lap? Have a meme you want to respond to, but don’t have your own webspace to post it on? Full of interesting links saved up that you want to share with us? GO FOR IT.

Via La Peril: Penguin publishes books with blank covers so you can create your own masterpieces. Check out the PenguinBlog’s Flickr photostream for many, many interesting covers.

I was thinking about how this would translate to romance novels and the sorts of covers we could come up with for our favorites. Some are easy enough. My cover for Laura Kinsale’s Midsummer Moon, for example, would feature a hedgehog peeking out from under a sheet of paper, paws ink-stained. For My Lady’s Heart would be a battered suit of green armor laying on the ground with a falcon perched on it.

But others are a lot more difficult. To Love and to Cherish, for example, would be well-nigh impossible. There’s no visual hook; it’s about two people becoming best friends and lovers under very difficult circumstances. Maybe a close-up of a sheet of paper with Christy’s appalling poetry tucked into the trunk of a tree?

And then, of course, there are covers I could slap on the books I didn’t like--but then, most of the existing covers do a more than adequate job of conveying the awfulness of the contents.

Thinking about the covers I’d come up with for some of the sketchier paranormal romances makes me chuckle, too--but a lot of it would resemble bad furry fanart, which really is no laughing matter.

What are some of the covers you’d come up with for your favorite and not-so-favorite romance novels?

Rbelle strikes again, forwarding me a link to either a man who is either a wee bit unhinged, or who has the makings of a modern day romance hero, albeit one who lives with his mother, has no phone, but does have a nice heirloom sword.

I keep rereading this article, imagining all the variations that could be spun out from this story. It could be a bizarre fantasy erotica plot, or a rather tame-by-comparison Blaze, or maybe even an historical, though how to substitute the porn video in an historically-appropriate context might be a stumper. Man definitely needs a kilt, though. To go with the sword.

Either way, it’s the stuff absurd romance could be made of.

Via Pharyngula: How many condoms can one (un)reasonably fit onto a cock? The answer: well over 600. Take that, Marc Chastain.

Link is Not Work Safe, by the way.