Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

It’s time once again for a round up of romance in the news, brought to you by Google:News and by my typing in the word “romance” in the search box.

Usually I come up with a few celebrity romance articles (Zach Braff broke up with Mandy Moore, allegedly) and some random small-town paper articles about new romance author book signings . This time: I got cutlery!

There’s a new exhibit at the Cooper-Hewitt, which is one of the best museums in NYC, especially for children who are too old for kids museums but a bit too bored by the vastness that is the Met or the MOMA, because usually there’s an exhibit of something really cool and based in current popular culture. One time I went: the art of the fragrance. Cool! Smelly stuff! Demeter fragrances that smell like dirt and tomato! Other times there’s been three dimensional displays of cars, motors - and one time a collection of advertisements and the design history that went into their creation. Either way, wicked cool.

So now? The Romance of the Place Setting. The history of the fork, knife, and spoon, and how cutlery was to the 17th century woman what your shoes and handbag are today - a symbol of style and status.

Not sure what it has to do with romance, but there you go. Romance! Forks! And Spoons!

And in other Romance Google News, the Daily Times of Pakistan reports that US Senators write books! Why didn’t I know that Barbara Boxer wrote a “steamy political romance?” Anyone out there read A Time to Run? Ah! I see from Amazon’s listing that she wrote it “with Mary-Rose Hayes.”

Moving on, we have a very tepid round up of summer movies, one of which, a romance titled The Lake House, stars Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves as two people simultaneously living in the same lake house—exactly two years apart. There’s a billboard for this movie over the Lincoln Tunnel - I’m betting this will be a big summer date movie, but I can’t tell if it’s going to be a quality romance. I will keep looking for spoilers.

And in a rather curious column, Tom Purcell at MensNewsDaily.com writes that, judging by the lyrics of hit songs on the radio when compared with the lyrical schmaltz of Dean Martin, romance is dead. Course references to sexuality, “fear, anger, and cynicism” are more prevalent in today’s music, prompting Purcell to ring the sweet notes of the death triangle with his mourning of the innocent romance of Dean Martin’s lyrics.

Sexuality means romance is dead? Ellora’s Cave might have something to say about that.

So might Christina Aguilera, whose new song, an ode to the man she luuuurves™, includes the following:

“You’ve got soul, you’ve got class
You’ve got style, you’re badass.”

*le sigh* Now that, Mr. Martin, is romance.

The Buffalo News published a touching column about one woman’s ability to recognize her husband’s love and devotion in the small gestures of each day, from blackberries for her cereal to a flower when he’s done mowing the lawn. *le sigh, part deux*

We also have an article on the history of romance… from Maryland’s Carroll County Times.

Dr. Pam Regis, author of 2003’s A Natural History of the Romance Novel says that we should “[r]ead your romance proudly. Don’t apologize for it, because you don’t need to.”

No kidding!

Why they’re profiling a professor whose book was published in 2003, I’m not sure, unless it’s due to the “summer beach reading” reference in the title. Sad that the article’s author had to rehash the same old stale “criticisms” of romance novels without citing any specific critics themselves. I would think we were past these old stereotypes, but perhaps not.

And finally, a story to make you writers out there wish you had a great on-screen wardrobe and a hit show. Eva Longoria, the 31-year-old star of Desperate Housewivesis penning a romance novel. Says Longoria, “They offered a huge deal and I like the idea of seeing my book on a shelf. The plot’s top secret so far but let’s just say I have a wild imagination.”

That might have to be a Smart Bitch contest of the future - who can write a worse chapter than Eva Longoria? Winner gets a copy of her novel.

Joyce Ellen Armond of Spec Romance Online has guest-written a column about the potential of cross-breeding horror and romance. Beginning with the ever-able vampire romance, Armond is of the opinion that it can be done, despite slightly differing expectations on the part of the reader.

What say you? Horror + romance = crazy delicious? Can you blend characters the reader can invest in without fearing for the monsterly demise with the heart-stopping terror of a good horror story? Can you root for some serious scary crap without, as Armond puts it, fearing a DOA ending instead of a HEA?

I think that’s where the new paranormals could be going - scarier plots plus more romance. Characters that are vivid and empathetic, with truly scary and potentially terrifying obstacles facing them. There’s only so much vampire angst readers will devour before it’s time for new monsters. However, Trixie and The Blob might make for some challenging blocking when it comes to a love scene.

A Smart Bitchery reader brought the following to my attention: Julia Quinn is offering ebook second-epilogues to her past publications on her site for $1.99, or $1.59 at 20% discount. According to her note to her readers, it’s a chance to find out “what happened to your favorite characters after you closed the final page,” and for Ms. Quinn to revisit some of her favorite character creations, I’m sure. I’ve wondered if authors who write a story miss the characters once they’ve finished the book; I’m sure they do.

The Bitchery reader, who is a self-professed Julia Quinn fan, was quite perturbed by the idea, and hopes this does not start a trend among big authors. Several have offered additional epilogues, such as Eloisa James, and multiple prologues, as did Kelley Armstrong, but neither party asked readers to pay for the privilege of a visit with the protagonists of a much-enjoyed book.

Personally, I’m not sure how I feel about this, either. I wouldn’t pay $2 for 30 pages to revisit with the characters from The Viscount Who Loved Me or It’s In His Kiss, but that’s because I like to imagine my own happily ever after-after, and don’t always enjoy the replay of matrimonial bliss when characters from past books come into the newer book I’m reading from that author. In fact, Quinn is one of the few writers who can pull it off and not disrupt my own imaginings of what happened to the protagonists.

Candy, after I emailed her the link, said, “It sounds like Quinn is basically providing a service usually filled by fanfic, i.e. providing a glimpse into what goes on with favorite characters’ lives after the book ends.” But she agrees with our source that it also implies that the story isn’t complete and finished, and doesn’t really stand on its own.

Yet neither of us blink even the slightest amount at James or Armstrong offering prequels and epilogues for registered visitors to their author sites, or offering later stories for download online. I agree that the issue is definitely the commerce involved. What do you think? 

I took a quick peek at the Amazon new releases in romance, which are, land sakes, updated hourly. Candy and I should quit our jobs and update this site hourly, don’t you think? No, wait, Amazon uses a computer for part of that updating. Ok, never mind.

Does anyone else buy books just for vacation reading, or is that just me? I used to LOVE summer book shopping, though I read so fast that what I bought didn’t last me too long. And I learned the hard way NEVER to buy a hardback for vacation reading, because two years later I STILL have not picked up Nora Roberts’ Northern Lights because oh holy God that book is HEAVY in hardback. No way is that going in the luggage!

Next month, Hubby, Freebird, and I are going on vacation to Montana, to go hike and look at the pretty scenery that’s not a metropolis, and eat and hike and read while watching the moose go by (I can dream, right?). So I’m starting to check out the new releases to see what’s on the bookshelves now.

The list is heavy with vampires and some mantitty, but before I wade in, I want to ask: what are your summer reading purchases? What books are you saving for vacation, or bringing along in your beach bag?