Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

In today’s Dear Abby there is a letter (bottom of the page) from an attractive woman who is tired of getting stared at because she is married to a dwarf. She adores her husband and was looking for suggestions from Abby as to how to address rude comments, questions, and stares.

Manner-issues aside, this got me thinking: would there ever be a romance novel with a dwarf hero? Heroine? What other unlikely scenarios could there be - and if you think about them, how unlikely are they really?

Obvious case in point: there’s a romance that makes Candy do the pee-pee dance about a stroke-victim mathematician and a Quaker heroine.  If you’d explained the scenario to me before I read it, I’d have thought you were nuts. After I read it? Heck, I STILL think about it. The more unlikely the hero, or heroine, the more fascinating the romance can be.

Consider the number of military heroes and heroines with post-traumatic stress syndrome symptoms, who aren’t sure they can trust what they experience. Or the number of lead characters who have survived personal trauma that shapes their personality, and provides them an internal conflict to overcome.

So why, when I think, “Hm. Dwarf romance...” do I immediately follow with, “Nah, no way.” Is physical difference a blow to the fantasy? It shouldn’t be.

What unlikely hero or heroines can you think of, and more importantly, is there a condition or scenario that is just completely impossible? I mean, we have people humping the undead left and right at this point in the published romance world. Is there anything that’s truly “untouchable?”

Some minor link sluttage:

An excellent overview of race and racism in romance is in the most recent edition of At The Back Fence at All About Romance.

I don’t have much to add to the dialogue, except my puzzlement at the whole “African American Literature” section in certain bookstores. It didn’t even occur to me to look for black romances there, for example, until somebody pointed out that certain stores, like Borders, sometimes shelve their black romances there. You don’t generally see, say, Asian American lit, or Hispanic American lit, etc. etc. pushed into their respective little niches in stores. That, more than anything else, says volumes about how very much black people are viewed as the Other.

Oh! And Monica and LLB have finally kissed and made up. Or at least e-mailed and made up. Champagne all around! Summon the dancing girls! Free elephant rides for everyone!

I have an interesting question I want to pose to y’all later, but first, some assorted link pimpage that’s engaged my attention:

• Doug is running a sex scene contest, Bulwer-Lytton style. I’m sneak-writing my entry at work. God, I hope the old hag who sits behind me doesn’t decide to sneak up and check out what I’m typing.

  Ah, what the hell--it’ll make her life more exciting.

• Brenda Coulter argues that we should be very, very nice when reviewing books because romance novelists are sensitive and writing a book is harrrrrrrrd. Booksquare replies, and Monica Jackson enters the fray as well. They all have points I agree and disagree with.

  Y’all know where I stand on this issue, right? I mean, if the 666 engraved on the back of my skull and my oft-declared love of pain didn’t give you a clue already....

• Is bacon dropping from the sky? Because holy fucking shit, Monica Jackson and LLB are having a civil conversation. Where’s that sal volatile?

  I still hold out hope for a reconciliation between Monica and LLB/AAR. *wipes tear from eye*

• AND! Thanks to my fabulous friend Katie, I found out about Virgin: The Untouched History, coming in 2006, which dedicates TWO CHAPTERS TO HYMENS. Katie has read it and told me it’s grrreat, and I always believe Katie, and you should too because Katie? Is fabulous. I just can’t wait for this book to come out, but in the meanwhile, I’m checking out Hanne Blank’s erotica anthologies.

  So, anyone have a list of authors to whom I could gift The Untouched History? *evil glee*

My Romancing the Blog post is up - apparently I’ve made people cry.

Inga Mahn lost just about everything due to Hurricane Katrina. Seriously: her house? It’s gone. Not destroyed, not demolished. Gone. Poof.

Amy E., that magnificent bitch, has organized a series of auctions in her benefit, to help her and her family rebuild. Sarah and I agreed to contribute the following items for auction:

Three months worth of ads, including ad design.

An author interview, wherein you get to pimp yourself, your books, and hell, whatever you want to, up to and including your fabulous perm.

A manuscript critque--a FULL manuscript critique, bitches, not just the usual partial + synopsis.

BID, MOTHERFUCKERS. Don’t make us look bad, or we’ll cut choo like a peeeg.

Plus, you’ll be helping out Inga.