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It’s soon to Turkey Day here in the United States of Carbs, and we’re happy to inspire your appetite, or perhaps drive it deep into the earth to hide until Groundhog’s Day, by allowing you to view and caption the following cover. What are they saying? What are they thinking? Dear GOD won’t someone think of the children? The blank eyed, oddly staring creepy children?
Best caption as chosen by me gets a $20 gift certificate to Amazon or Powell’s, your choice. Feel free to nudge my voting by telling me which in the comments is your fave.
And now… the cover. Feast (hur) your eyes on this!
[Thanks to Sharon and many others for the link.]



by SB Sarah • Friday, November 14, 2008 at 09:01 AM
Enough teasing. We’re ridiculously amused by our cover, and it’s about time we showed it to you, so, you ready?
It’s a work of art, a book cover… well, really it’s visual game we call Find the Hidden Phalli with your hosts, Sarah, Candy, and Touchstone/Fireside.
The cover of the Smart Bitch Book, Beyond Heaving Bosoms: The Smart Bitches’ Guide to Romance, due out 14 April 2009, isn’t at Amazon yet (sorry folks) so this (and our email inbox) is the only place you can find it, and a few other hidden images.



by SB Sarah • Monday, October 27, 2008 at 12:29 PM
From Karen D come some fine, fine specimens of old-skool Silhouette cover art. We give thanks to Karen, and to the used book store romance pile from which she rescued these cultural icons.

Sarah: Wow. She’s almost logically proportioned (though what’s with the papoose looking thing on the right?) but poor DeSalvo. Not only does he have Ridiculous Hair, but his chest is 400% wider than the rest of him, and his leg is coming out of his… wait a minute. Is he a hero with no legs sitting on some dude’s lap?!
Candy: A man with a chest as wide as the Texas sky and a torso as short as Rhode Island. Hot!

Sarah: Of course they are still married. Could you ever leave that mullet alone? It’s all stringy and greasy - rwor!
Candy: Matching mullets, matching mom jeans—that’s how you know it’s true love, baby.
And from Danielle F comes this homage to yet another 80’s fad:

Sarah: When a man you’ve never met before suddenly tries to slurp your bleached blonde brains, it’s probably time you reconsidered your habit of getting shitfaced wearing a Flashdance-esque tiger-print nightie.
Candy: She thinks he wants to nibble on her ear, but little does she know that he’s that rarest of paranormal creatures: the Cheerful Zombie. Your tiger print will avail you nothing, now.















by SB Sarah • Tuesday, October 21, 2008 at 09:09 AM
The presses, they may be small, but the WTFery perpetrated by the following covers is as mighty as it is wide. Fear them.
From Jane and Robin we have:

Sarah: I’d like to thank this cover for highlighted the importance of a breast self-exam, particularly at the opportune moment when one is stark naked and betwixt two stay-puft marshmallow men.
Candy: I have never seen a woman look so superfluous in a menage cover, ever. Look at them! The guys are all “Ew! Boobs! Man-nape on, the other hand…NOM NOM NOM.” And the chick’s all “But…but? Boobs? I has them. OK, how ‘bout I make an O-face? will that make it better? Guys? ...guys?”
From Karen S we have:

Sarah:: Say it with me now: “When the burning, itching, and soreness of hemorrhoids flare up….” Fiachra’s Kiss will turn your ass into a flaming, burning world of hurt.
Candy: Man, how much does it suck to have your book confused for a Terrance and Phillip movie?
And from Erastes, we have:

Sarah: I opened this file and literally said out loud, “Oh, God. No.” The poor butterfly. A perfectly acceptable image tossed into slimy pit of bad Photoshop hair, bad Photoshop skin, bad Photoshop horns, a miserable excuse for a Photoshop tail, and on top of all that, Bacchus’s badly Photoshopped son is humping a tree. That poor butterfly. Every one of its 12,000 ommatidia must be screaming.
Candy: You know what I think when I see that sassy little tail? I think of a poor, misguided chipmunk spelunkin’ for nuts. Except they’re not quite the nuts he wants or needs.










by SB Sarah • Wednesday, October 15, 2008 at 01:11 AM
Ever ask yourself, “Self, are there nothing but tramp stamps, butt cleavage, and muffin top on display in the urban fantasy genre?”
Here’s your answer: the SciFi Guy has rounded them all up for a video illustrating the necessary elements to a true urban fantasy cover.
Can I just say, though, that tramp stamp and low-slung jeans aside, I actually like the naked back covers for a lot of the recent releases, including those for historical romances? A woman’s back never gets enough attention but it’s a beautifully sexy thing.
Thanks to Marta for the link.