Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

Gemma has compiled the ultimate list of reappearances of cover art from Harlequin and Mills & Boon. I would seriously love to get a look at their art book, because some of the covers that would seem dated at first glance can be reused some years later with little problem.

Gemma says,

One of my favourite sets is:
* Marshall, Paula - Hester Waring’s Marriage
* Rowell, Patricia Frances - A Scandalous Situation
* Ames, Laurel - Besieged

The hero has a freekin’ eyepatch on the cover of Besieged (as per the plot) which is not present on the other covers. Was the eyepatch in the original artwork and removed for the other books, or vice versa?!

I’m partial to the title of Pianka, Phyllis Taylor’s book The Tart Shoppe, The #3 book in the Harlequin Regency line. But my favorite cover from Gemma’s astonishing collection? This one.

Two words: “Thundercats. Ho.”

From the “Someone Alert a Grant-Bestowing Organization STAT” department, we have Mary Behr’s art in progress that mixes CraigsList missed connection posts with vintage Harlequin covers:

In the form of stickers, these mash-ups are then reintroduced to the public by placement in a subway car, not incidentally the site of many of these “missed connections.

I love the Missed Connections section of CraigsList, to be honest. Some of them are beyond creepy, but every so often there’s reassurance that in a sea of people who don’t seem to notice they are surrounded by thousands of other people, sometimes, someone is watching, sees you, and wonders. In a non-creepy way. 

But wait, there’s more. It’s not just stock images, I’m sad to say. And it’s not just Monster Thumb Girl either. Jill the awesome forwarded me some more examples of reused cover art.

This one kinda surprised me, too, because the minute I saw the first cover, I knew exactly where I’d seen it before.

Boy, the things you find when you search for “erotic romance” on Amazon.com or Google. Have fun, kids. One of the images is sort of Not Work Safe.

It’s been a while since we’ve blessed you (snort) with the Scandinavian (snort!) authenticity (SNORT!) of Viking romance covers. So here you have it: well over 400% of your RDA for Viking Romance Novel Covers.

Candy: My, what a large, proud, jutting...prow you have there. Not bad for a flamingly metrosexual Viking boy.

Sarah: “As the ship goes down, you must tell me...”
“Why your dress is hot pink under chainmail?”
“No… where...”
“...did you find Frost & Tip on the high Viking seas?”
“No… where...”
“...did I get this flowbee haircut?”
“No… where is the at-home wax kit you used on your chest? My beaver is barking!”

Candy: You know how I can tell he’s virile? Because he’s ready to smack the shit out of you with 40 pounds of forged steel if you don’t get him a sammich NOW, woman.

Sarah: Nothing says virile like a short leather skirt. Very short. So short the sun and the moon are out at the same time.

The next two images have exactly the same titles, but the difference in execution is...well. See for yourself.

Candy: Beloved? To whom? Purveyors of polar bear pelts? Clairol Born Blonde? Aquanet?

Sarah: Why is Beloved Viking standing in front of what looks like an adobe structure surrounded by wildflowers? And why is he wearing slices of apple around his neck?

Candy: Holy Chuck Norris lookalike, Batman! I guess that explains why 95% of all Viking fatalities were due to roundhouse kicks to the face.

Also: Ostriches? What the hell?

Sarah: Is “viking” another word for metrosexually swarthy ostrich farmer? Because if not, then what the fuck?