Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

Various people have spent countless minutes scouring the internet, captioning their Hoff (now that’s a new euphemism!), and making Sarah AND her Hubby AND Candy and other random people snort soda up their noses. The LOLHoffs, they are fabulous. SO! Please - do not forget to vote in the comments to that entry for your favorite. Voting ends at midnight.

Winners? Get Hoffed. In a good way. Promise.

It’s time for another SBTB Fark-style contest of complete madness and hi-freaking-larity.

Behold: The Hasselhoff. You thought the joke was dead? Not so, says the copies of the Hoffobiography now in my dining room.

Your challenge! Create a LOLHoff using any of the many fine images of the Hoffster that you can find on that wily interweb. For those unsure of that of which I write, an LOLHoff is similar to a LOLCat or a LOLHunk.

You can post your LOLHoff (plsplspls, don’t make it bigger than 300x300 px) in the comments using an IMG HTML tag or you can email them to Candy or I and we will upload and post them for you.

We shall laugh and post and Hoff and vote all in this thread, and discuss who has best used their skills for their LOLHoff. Voting will end on Monday July 2, whenever we decide to stop counting.

There be Winners? Then let there be prizes!

1st place: The official Hoffobiography of your very own, and a $25 Amazon gift certificate.

2nd place: The official Hoffobiography and a $10 Amazon gift certificate.

3rd place: The official Hoffobiography and a Hoff Plane of your very own (paper not Boeing).

EDITED TO ADD: Should you win the Hoffatstic biography prize, please consider that we’d welcome your Guest Bitch Review™ of the content therein, because there can never be too much Hoff.

But of course, you can has samples:

And behold, there were so many votes - seriously, a shitfuck ton of votes - that it’s taken me this long to tabulate them. But a (few) day(s) late does not make the victory any less sweet.

Hooray for Kerry, whose entry appeared frequently exit poll in the comments and kicked all kinds of ass in the official voting. And verily the electoral college said she hath been crowned the winner for her cover:

Congratulations! A gift certificate to Amazon shall be on its way to you, and, if you like, an iridescent nightlight shaped like Jesus. But more importantly, kneel and arise with your Smart Bitch Title™:

*drumroll*

HaikuKatie!

She beat Iffygenia and her marvelous “Modern Major-General” parody by an asshair--and really, “asshair” seems the most appropriate term for somebody narrowly winning a poetry contest about The Hoff.

Congratulations, HaikuKatie. A package of Hofftastic Awesomeness should be arriving at your doorstep soon.

Behold! Inspired covers that derived inspiration from that most inspirational of museums. Send your votes for which one inspires you (to laugh, to cry, to lament the theocracy that undermines American democracy) to Sarah and Candy by June 12. One vote per person, please.

Note: because I am a doofus who forgot to state a size limit in the original contest announcement, I had to edit some of them to fit this here website.

Any questions, you know where to find us. In the garden of Eden, there, asking miss Eve what she’s using to get that shiny, shiny hair.

EDITED TO ADD: Please make sure to vote via email even if you leave a comment with your vote. Commented votes are unofficial, kind of like edit polls!

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