Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

Reader Firefly alerted us last night: Our attempt to Google Bomb asshead extraordinaire, Bill Napoli, has been a rousing success! As of 6:45 a.m. on March 10, 2006, the number 1 Google result for Bill Napoli is our definition page.

For posterity:

(Click on image to see full screencap, if you’re into screencappiness.)

Everybody now: SNOOPY MOTHERFUCKING DANCE OF JOY!

This is a symbolic victory, of course. The ugly fight is just beginning. If you live in states that are being affected by these recent attempts to ban abortions, such as South Dakota, Mississippi and Tennessee, write to your reps. Write to your newspapers. Make some noise. VOTE. Those of us who don’t: We can make some noise of our own, and give money/volunteer as we can to the groups who will be fighting these sorts of legislation.

The three big ones:

Planned Parenthood
NARAL-Pro Choice
ACLU

As always, any suggestions for other worthy organizations are welcome, as well as suggestions for other types of concrete action we can take.

p.s. This childish of me, but: Holy shit, we totally introduced a new term to the Internet. GLEE!

YAY and YAY AGAIN and THANK YOU to all of you who are spreading the good word about Bill Napoli. I don’t know about you, but I feel a certain warm glow from napoling this asshole, even if it’s merely figurative.

For those of you who, like me, feel like you have a very real stake in this but don’t live in South Dakota and/or have your hands tied because you can’t vote, may I suggest that you throw whatever spare cash you have at these fine organizations, who will likely be challenging the abortion ban law and need all the help they can get?

Planned Parenthood
NARAL-Pro Choice
ACLU

Anyone else have other suggestions for other worthy organizations, as well as more direct action we can take, besides feeding, watering and petting your local reproductive freedom activists and civil rights lawyers (if you’re not one yourself)?

Note:
I’m going to leave this entry and the the napoli entry stickied for a couple of days, which means it’ll stay on top, even though we’ll post new content. That ensures it’ll get maximum visibility for just that much longer for people who are visiting this for the first time. Regular trashy novel bitchenating will resume soon; just scroll down to get to it.

Updated to add:

I checked Blogsnow because we were getting a bunch of hits from that site, and HOLY SHIT, Y’ALL. The Bill Napoli definition page is coming in at number 8 for “most linked to page.”

I shit you not. I took a screencap for posterity. The close-up is below; click on it to get the full screencap.

Again, thank you. Y’all motherfucking rock.

I don’t usually use Smart Bitches to overtly rant and rave about politics; this site is for romance novels, after all. But I’m going to make a special exception for Bill Napoli, a Republican state senator for South Dakota who had these words of wisdom to say about acceptable rape exceptions for the abortion ban:

A real-life description to me would be a rape victim, brutally raped, savaged. The girl was a virgin. She was religious. She planned on saving her virginity until she was married. She was brutalized and raped, sodomized as bad as you can possibly make it, and is impregnated. I mean, that girl could be so messed up, physically and psychologically, that carrying that child could very well threaten her life.

An acquaintance of mine, Sylvia, referred to this as “hella rape,” which is quite possibly the best damn phrase I’ve read all year.

At any rate, fuckwittery should not go unrewarded. I’m thinking we should do to Napoli what Dan Savage did to Rick Santorum. The nifty thing is, Napoli himself has provided an excellent definition. I propose the following entry be entered into the lexicon:

napoli (not to be confused with the proper noun, which indicates the Italian city)
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): napolied
Pronunciation: nA’poli

1. To brutalize and rape, sodomize as bad as you can possibly make it, a young, religious virgin woman who was saving herself for marriage. 2. To hella rape somebody.

Etymology: From State Senator Bill Napoli’s (R-SD) words on an acceptable description of rape that would merit an exemption from South Dakota’s abortion ban.

Now, popularizing this term is going to take a little help from you guys.

First of all, I’ve created a little page with the definition for “napoli.” LINK TO http://www.smartbitchestrashybooks.com/billnapoli with “Bill Napoli” as the anchor text. The link should look like this:

Bill Napoli

This is known as Google-bombing.

Second of all: Urbandictionary.com. I’ve submitted the entry, and it’s currently awaiting editorial approval. Once it’s up, I’m going to post a link here, and I hope enough of you guys vote on it that it becomes the top result for “napoli.” (Gawd, I feel bad for Napoli, but...not bad enough.)

And feel free to refer people to both the Bill Napoli definition page and this page, of course.

C’mon, everybody! With a little help, we can hopefully make napoli the new santorum.

It’s not just the Hairclub for Men anymore. It’s the Hair Club for Men with Man-titty.

Sarah: Future Mega Mullet Man gazed at the air to the left of her ear, hoping she would admire his fine pooftah necklace and big green plastic armband.

“Wow,” she thought. “Could he BE any more gay?”

Candy: That is truly a magnificent mullet--it’s so big that the dude has to wear his crown on his arm, because there’s no way it could’ve fit over that mane of glory. But I have to say, it’s all eclipsed by the woman’s futuristic RennFaire-Orgasmed-All-Over-40-Yards-of-Hot-Pink-Satin monstrosity. And what better to go with a Medieval Bitches In Space dress than midnight blue tights?

Sarah: The hair, it is half ducks-ass and half overgrown mullet. I think it’s an exaggerated version of the typical description of a hero who “wears his hair longer than fashionable” with a forelock he can toss back in an arrogant manner.

But in this depiction? He looks scruffy and over-moussed.

And also, is it me or is her torso disturbingly short, like her leg is emerging from just under her ribcage?

Candy: Man, he’s such a workout addict that he seizes any and all opportunities to exercise. That’s why when faced with a supine woman, his first instinct is to do one-armed push-ups. He only regrets he forgot his headband and legwarmers to go with his 80s mullet.

Sarah: Yes. Please. Back away from the pussy. Now.

Candy: The furry implications of this cover are more than a little disturbing.

Sarah: From Claiming the Highlander, by Kinley MacGregor:

Him: “Your neck. It is disturbingly long.”
Her: “So is your hair.”
Him: “Are you a giraffe?”
Her: “No more than you are a highlander in those Gap jeans you have on.”
Him: “Seriously, do you say ‘Go Go Gadget Neck?’ when you can’t see over something?”
Her: “No. Do you ask deliberately for those layers to be cut in your hair, or does the hairdresser knock you unconscious first?”

Candy: On him: Mullet. Inexplicable shirtlessness. Bountiful man-titty. On her: Bad perm. Teal gown. Teal, for motherfucksakes, people. Inexplicably long neck.

These two people on the cover had sex once, and the cataclysm resulting from that joining was known as the 80s.

Sarah: Perhaps if she gazes at the secret message he scrawled under his man-titty cleft, she won’t notice that he poured the rest of her vintage 1982 Indian Earth Bronzer Powder on his hair.

Candy: Never were the words “ginger minger” more apt, methinks. Nor the words “rampant sunless tanning lotion abuse.”

Sound the alarm, especially if it’s a trumpet with a big banner hanging off the front, like a flag on an erection! The Library Diva has won today’s Guess that Lonely Heart!

Yes, it was Nellie Grayson, from Jude Deveraux’s Wishes, a book in which Nellie’s noble character and strength earns her a fairy godmother who makes her thin. Don’t even get me started on that part. Yes, the fairy godmother realizes that being thin doesn’t solve the girl’s problems, but still - it would have been bootylicious if the heroine could have remained her zaftig self.

But regardless, Ms. Diva has won, and will now receive a most fabulous Smart Bitch Title™. Kneel, Your Divaship, and arise: