Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

I’m working on a ranty bit about feminism, romance novels and social responsibility in fiction. Until I’m done, here’s some link pimpage:

Kassia Krozser tells it like it is.

Lilith layeth the most righteous smackdown.

Wendy the Super Librarian gives it to us straight.

And quite possibly it’s better than Sarah’s birthday as well. Not for Sarah, of course, because she’s not quite the rabid Laura Kinsale fangirl I am. But courtesy of Beth, Slayer of Foley and Guardian of Thunderpussy, I just found out that Laura Kinsale has finished her latest manuscript.

And Beth? She gets to read it. Apparently she’s one of Kinsale’s beta readers. I am so green with envy right now, I can’t even tell you. I passed “avocado” about 15 minutes ago and am headed with alarming rapidity towards “deep forest green.”

Goddammit. How does one get hooked up with such a sweet gig? I wonder if Satan is interested in what few scraps of soul I have left....

Lilith, bless her heart, was evil enough to suggest a Man-Titty Haiku Contest in honor of all the bodacious boobage displayed by romance cover models (generated by anabolic steroid abuse or Poser 3D, take your pick). And we just thought it was a swell idea. Winner gets one of our oh-so-coveted Smart Bitch titles!

Rules & Deadlines:

1. This is a 5/7/5 haiku format contest.

2. Please email your entries to Sarah or Candy by Friday, June 17.

3. We will post an entry with all the contestants, and you vote via email until Tuesday, June 21.

4. Winner announced Wednesday, June 22.

Here are some masterpieces Candy came up with:

Bulging pectorals
Shade me from the sun and rain.
All hail man-titty!

So firm and bouncy.
Can’t resist. Must pinch man-boob!
Gym queen squeals loudly.

Smooth, firm chest, girly
face and tight little buttocks.
Guy or girl? Who cares?

I rub cheek on man
titty. Mmm, firm. Ouch! Stubble!
Man-titty beard burn.

And from Sarah:

OH HELL YES, I SAY
Man-titty haiku contest?
Let there be manboobs!

Firm, soft, silken orbs,
with puckered cherry nipples
she- oh! Fabio!

Saggy baggy boobs
head south toward his treasure trail.
Woe, post-partum sag.

A solar eclipse!
Warmth blotted out by shadow!
Oh. Lord Mantitte stood up.

Hear ye, hear ye: Today’s Smart Bitch Sarah’s birthday, yayyyy!

Everyone: leave the most creative birthday greeting you can in the comments. Profanity welcome.

I’ll start, and hell, since I’ve offended the conservative Christians already, I’m-a gonna go for pissing off any and all PC police in the audience too:

Happy birthday, Sarah, you magnificent bitch. May the cake be plentiful and delicious, may the birthday presents kick ass, and may the birthday sex be so good that you wake up all your new neighbors and scare the wildlife for miles around. (Yeah, that’s right, show Angelina and Brad how it’s really done.) I’m so glad I found you back in 2002 when I was Googling for cat food recipes and found your blog entry about Fukui’s and Ohta’s foul kibble-fueled shits. You’re one of my favorite Hebes.

Love,

Uppity Godless Chink

For those of you who don’t know yet: HelenKay and Wendy Duren have teamed up for the ultimate in eeeeeville: Another honest romance novel review site. BWAHAHAHAHA. Anyway, go check out Paperback Reader. I know I’m doing a happy little pee-dance while waiting for them to complete their first review.