And since Sarah has your blood pressure up already…

…here’s another rant by another douchebag who doesn’t have a clue about women: “What Happened to All The Nice Guys?

Mightygodking does an excellent job of dismantling him line by line so we don’t have to.

I’ll just say that once again, my Rule of Nice Guys pays off: The more a guy professes how “nice” he is, the more he actually isn’t. Truly nice people are not especially aware of how nice they are, and generally don’t think of describing themselves that way. When a person continually insists he’s a “nice guy,” he actually means he’s a plain-looking dude who will allow himself to be thoroughly pussywhipped by a beautiful girl [notice that they’re always attractive girls, because he has standards, dammit] in the misguided hopes that he’ll get some trim, and become progressively more bitter when he finds out this doesn’t work.

Comments are Closed

  1. Lorelie says:

    Oh.
    Holy.
    Crap.

    Do you know I’m really tempted to save these two essays in a file somewhere?  To read the next time my husband only puts away half the laundry.

    It can be so much worse.

  2. Ann Bruce says:

    The more a guy professes how “nice” he is, the more he actually isn’t.

    Hmm…guess it doesn’t apply to the “bitch” label, though.  When I say I’m a bee-otch, I really am.

  3. wtf? says:

    This, plus the last article on top of the pop music video playing on the telly which shows some ‘musicians’ in a mansion spying on attractive women in intimate cicumstances with the chorus ‘she wants it so I gotta give it to her’ really really reminds me why I am currently swinging hard to the gayer side of bisexuality.

    The guy who wrote this thing is the sort to stalk you relentlessly if you smile and make eyecontact with him, regardless of the fact you’re in customer service so you do that to every single person you see at work.

    *laughs* and my confirmation word is ‘distance62’. Does this thing have a sense of levity?

  4. Bonnie says:

    Heh… you really want to get pissed off?  Read The Average American Male by Chad Kultgen. 

    Dayum, that’s harsh!

  5. azteclady says:

    huh… is it just me, or has the link broken?

  6. Candy says:

    Whoops! Fixeded it, azteclady.

  7. Joanna S. says:

    All I have to say is that when I got to this rejoinder by Mightygodking:

    “Doesn’t he know that chicks dig a dude with mad grammar skills? They are after me all the time to show me how I cleft a gerund, it makes them fucking swoon, it does.”

    I wanted to do him and do him HARD!!  I love me a loudmouthed, funny dude, but he’s probably not single…sigh.

  8. Kimberly Anne says:

    *sigh*

    I had a “nice guy” friend sort of like this in high school.  He paid all kinds of attention to me, drove me to school, and I assumed we were friends.  For three years this went on, and never once did he make a move.  Then, once I was seeing someone, he suggested that we have an affair!  WTF? 

    Not long after I split with the boif, I met the man who is now my husband.  I found out later that my “friend” felt that I had betrayed him by going for the new guy instead of finally falling for him after all his years of devoted attention.  Again, WTF?

    The kicker is, if my “friend” had actually asked me out when we were both single, I might have said yes.  Thankfully, that never happened.  That relationship would not have turned out well.

  9. There’s Beta Male, and there’s Omega Male.  I guess that was an omega.

    Word: going57.  That’s about 12 off.

  10. Elizabeth says:

    This kind of shit drives me NUTS. Just because you’re a doormat does not make you a nice guy—You can still be an ass with no spine. I’ve noticed a lot of these guys don’t like the nice girls, either—they always go after the girls that are pretty but treat them like crap. Hm. But she’s a bitch for doing the same thing?

    I also can’t stand this whiny-ass entitlement issue. Of COURSE no one is fucking you if you’re only kind in order to get something out of it. That’s not ‘nice’, that’s shallow and fake. I’m straight, but I have female friends I cry to and rely on and go shopping with. Am I supposed to screw them, too?

    I also love how at the end he realizes being nice won’t get him chicks so he dresses up and gets some cash. WTF?? I admit a nicely turned out man is attractive, but 1) that’s not the only thing that matters, dickweed and 2) why can’t you be rich, pretty AND nice? This is just coming out and SAYING he was only nice to get in her pants. What a scummy thing to do.

    The nice guys are gone because we are marrying them all, asshole.

  11. Wry Hag says:

    Dude might as well hang a sign around his neck:

    I AM A STALKER . . .
    BUT A HELLUVA NICE ONE!

  12. Collette says:

    This type of self-promotion TOTALLY falls within my theory of vanity license plates.  If you have to advertise yourself as a GR8SHAG (which I saw tonight, I shit you not—in downtown Chicago on a Camaro with darkened windows and a Kansas plate), you most likely aren’t such a “GR8SHAG”.  Or FOXYMAMA.  Or HOTT.  Just saying.

  13. MT says:

    Allow me to propose the Asshole Corollary.

    Stop me if you’ve ever heard this one.  My guy friends, expecting me to speak for an entire gender, ask “How come girls only date assholes but not nice guys like me?”

    Here’s the thing—no man thinks he is an asshole.  That status is bestowed upon men by other men who get in their way.  Chances are the male asking the question has been The Asshole in a previous situation.

    Grr.  I get this ALL THE TIME and it drives me nuts.

  14. megalith says:

    Okay, excising the swearwords before I post this:

    ……………that post should have a permanent link to mightygodking’s commentary attached to it. Permanently. Forever. No one should have to wade through that self-serving piece of … without some guaranteed guffaws afterward.

    Loved the eminent sanity of mightygodking’s comments. Said everything I was thinking, only much funnier and much much much less blue.

  15. megalith says:

    In his world:
    Hmmm. Co-worker Bob drove me to the garage to pick up my car yesterday. I should probably have sex with him today.

    In the real world:
    Maybe someone could take him through this song line by line and explain reality and…stuff.

  16. Elizabeth says:

    Even Heathcliff was better at dealing with rejection.

  17. cecille says:

    Elizabeth- thanks to you, I just snorted coffee through my nose and am still laughing! 🙂

  18. >>The more a guy professes how “nice” he is, the more he actually isn’t.

    Totally agree! I avoid self-proclaimed ‘nice guys’. I’ve dated a few and they’re (generally) emotionally stunted and…uh…not that nice. I’d much rather have they guy who acknowledges the fact he can be a d-bag on occasional but works hard to not be one unless the situation merits it.

    My own personal thought on another ‘type’ of man to avoid (for all those dating) —any man who says he’s ‘easy going’. 90% of men say this and I am sure that 90% of the male population is NOT easy going. What they mean is that they want YOU to be easy going and put up with them.

  19. In addition to all the general creepy stalkerish sentiments included in that douchebag’s blogpost, I’m kind of miffed by his notion of what qualifies as an attractive male specimen – my hubby is bald, more than 3 inches shorter than me, and is just as big a geek as I am – and I definitely find him attractive.

    Mmm.

    But then, as opposed to this guy, he fails to be slime. What do you know.

  20. Angelina says:

    Can we mark this as another one that is not allowed to breed (if he ever got the chance lol)? I am having giggle fits thinking what he would tell his children during the “talk”.

  21. Meredith says:

    If I had a nickel….

    There are nice guys out there who deserve good women and don’t get them. But it’s not because they’re too nice.

    There’s always a reason.

    If anyone watches Beauty and the Geek, you know exactly what I mean. They always do a makeover show for the guys and wow, does it make a difference, but the guys are still, well, a bit wierd.

    My husband had a friend who was balding and wore thick glasses. He constantly bemoaned the fact that he was without a girlfriend. Mind you, the girls he asked out were super-hot brainless babes. Hmm.

    So he went and got Lasik and despite our female assurances that bald is not a deal-killer, is still thinking about getting implants.

    He’s still wierd. He still wants to date brainless barbies. All the hair plugs in the world aren’t going to change his dating success.

    M
    p.s. Although, in the nice guy defense, I do know several very normal, totally awesome guys who just happen to be in the 5’4” and 5’5” range. And I think they may have a legit gripe with the female gender about our inability to see past their height (especially, it seems, for the one who is African American because he is actually quite good looking, just very short.)

  22. Mightygodking is a god.  Thank you for sharing this. 

    And Meredith?  I’m with you on hot short guys.  Mine looks like a koala bear with the fuzz rubbed off the top of his head, but I wouldn’t trade him for all the Fabios in the world.  He’s funny and smart and caring and ethical, and all of that counts for more than whether or not he’s got hair or six-pack abs.

    Plus he’s a great dancer.[g]

  23. Brianna says:

    “But this guy comes right out and says it: if a guy acts friendly towards a girl, the girl has a moral duty to fuck him.”

    Why is this so very true? Almost every guy that I’ve been friends with that wants to take it to the next level throws some variation of this out there. “Well I went out and got you soup when you were sick, doesn’t that mean anything?” Even hubby now is like “I did the dishes, give me some!”. It’s what friends/your supposed to do! GEESH!! Being nice does not entitle you to the bootay.

  24. Brandi says:

    Honest to God, someone needs to write a script to automatically link to this Something Positive strip whenever the “nice guy” topic pops up.

  25. Julianna says:

    Heh.  I was thinking of that S*P strip as well, Brandi.

  26. EMayne says:

    Men like this scare the crap out of me.  They’re more than a laughable annoyance:  they are, in extremest form, the ones who stalk a woman after a breakup and murder her in spite of the useless restraining order.  I really believe a woman has more to fear from the bitter, perpetual-victim self-styled “nice guy” than from the generic swaggering asshole.

  27. fiveandfour says:

    I’ll just say that once again, my Rule of Nice Guys pays off: The more a guy professes how “nice” he is, the more he actually isn’t.

    I’ve long had a similar Rule related to guys and their professions of mad bedroom skillz which I’ve also found to be true.  That thing Shakespeare said about protesting too much?  Totally true!

    On a more serious note, things like this terrify me when I think about the fact that my daughter will be entering the

    shark

    dating pool in a few short years.  I’ve lost my edge in dealing with the douchebags so WHAT am I supposed to tell her?  It sounds like it’s brutal out there in dating-land.

  28. Aaaaahahahahahaha @ that cartoon!  That’s fabulous.

  29. Melissa Blue says:

    Meredith-I’m five foot even, everyone is tall to me. Send him my way.

  30. DebL says:

    Ugh, yes. They’re out there. In a way, this ‘Nice guy’s’ rant is therapeutic for me. I always feel so BAD about it when I get rid of one of these guys (or, more often, go to uncomfortably ass-holish lengths to get rid of one).

    What you might tell her, fiveandfour, is that he doesn’t _deserve_ sex under any circumstances whatever. And she doesn’t have to feel guilty.

  31. DebL says:

    Ugh, yes. They’re out there. In a way, this ‘Nice guy’s’ rant is therapeutic for me. I always feel so BAD about it when I get rid of one of these guys (or, more often, go to uncomfortably ass-holish lengths to get rid of one).

  32. DebL says:

    oops. My computer said it didn’t post, and then I went back and thought better of offering my officious advice. bleh. Oh well. I’ll just add the other thought I had, then: I too would take a lesson in gerunds from mightygodking.

  33. megalith says:

    When my younger brother asked me why women are reluctant to smile and be “nice” to men they have no interest in dating, instead of offering him a long-winded explanation I wish I’d had the link to that idiot’s blog entry. (Here, bro. Read this. Women get tired of being freak-magnets. ‘Nuff said.)

  34. Thinking about this (again) earlier today, I realised isn’t it a little odd (and when I say a little odd I mean really strange and worrying) that men like this seem to think the world is divided into ‘nice guys’ and ‘abusive assholes’.

    Whereas actually, if you stop being the ‘I’m such a good friend let me give you a big cuddle every time I see you even when you’re clearly trying to put a table between us’ guy, you don’t automatically have to morph into Mr. Cheating Hitting Charming-but-Dangerous.

  35. Invisigoth says:

    Hey, I knew 2 of those “nice guys”. 

    I could have sworn that the one who insisted on going shopping with me was gay. 

    And the one I did give a chance, turned out to be a psycho stalker who I had to get someone to sit down with him and have a serious talk so I could get him off my back.

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