Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

It’s the last cover snark of 2006, and we Smart Bitches have braved the seared retina of cover horrors to bring you one last dose of art department madness. Have a happy and a healthy mantitty new year!

BevL forwarded us this piece of majesty with the following commentary: It’s just not right. And since I can’t put my finger on what exactly it is about this cover that makes me curl my lip up and cringe, I figured I’d bring it to your attention and maybe you and Sarah can put it into words.

We’ll sure as heck try.

Sarah: Bugman’s got a brand new ass - on TOP of his old ass, and he didn’t get a new pair of spidey pants to go with it. What a sad Hanukkah for Bugman.

Candy: Justin Timberlake, high off his “Dick in a Box” success, is tapped to play Fairy in a Closet—except he misunderstands and dresses as the wrong kind of fairy.

Kathryn went above and beyond the call of duty to bring us a scan of both the front AND the back of this fine cover art she found in the book drop of her library.

Sarah: Apparently the grinch made good by setting off a paintbomb in the fireplace. By the vacant look of those two? I’m hoping the paint is highly radioactive.

Candy: Nothing says Christmastime like toasting marshmallows in the glow of a thermonuclear blast in the fireplace.

Kathryn also asked us to pay particular attention to this oddity, which I isolated in Photoshop so we can all share in the holiday horror:

Sarah: There are. No words. Except these seven: PUT THAT DICK BACK IN THE BOX!

Candy: Dude, his cock is so huge, it has to be strapped down near his shoulder. Size queens, take note of this man.

Sarah: We don’t as a rule snark cover copy, but wow. The art department clearly hit the same spiked nog as the copy department when this egg was hatched. “Duncan enjoyed her joy??!”

Candy: And nine months later, little elves emerged, a by-product of Duncan enjoying the joy just a leeeetle too intensely to remember to put a stocking on Santa, if you know what I mean.

Sarah: Over Christmas weekend, my dog Logan was constipated to the point that on 12/24 a trip to the emergency vet was required. He received two mammoth enemas and, according to reports from those present, he made that same face. The one on the right, I mean.

Candy: Dude’s Solstice Craving is some Metamucil, or maybe some bran. He has an inner beast, and his inner beast is severely obstipated.

Sarah: All together now! Tie me kangaroo down, sport! Tie me kangaroo down! It’s too small to give me some head, Fred, so tie me kangroo down!”

Candy: You have to admit, it’s really cutting-edge and brave of Harlequin to publish a romance about a pre-op tranny getting her greatest Christmas wish. Though I wish she’d hooked up with somebody who looked a great deal less smirky and greasy.

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Categories: Covers Gone Wild! (Non-Snoop Dogg Edition)

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