It’s the last cover snark of 2006, and we Smart Bitches have braved the seared retina of cover horrors to bring you one last dose of art department madness. Have a happy and a healthy mantitty new year!
BevL forwarded us this piece of majesty with the following commentary: It’s just not right. And since I can’t put my finger on what exactly it is about this cover that makes me curl my lip up and cringe, I figured I’d bring it to your attention and maybe you and Sarah can put it into words.
We’ll sure as heck try.
Sarah: Bugman’s got a brand new ass - on TOP of his old ass, and he didn’t get a new pair of spidey pants to go with it. What a sad Hanukkah for Bugman.
Candy: Justin Timberlake, high off his ”Dick in a Box” success, is tapped to play Fairy in a Closet--except he misunderstands and dresses as the wrong kind of fairy.
Kathryn went above and beyond the call of duty to bring us a scan of both the front AND the back of this fine cover art she found in the book drop of her library.
Sarah: Apparently the grinch made good by setting off a paintbomb in the fireplace. By the vacant look of those two? I’m hoping the paint is highly radioactive.
Candy: Nothing says Christmastime like toasting marshmallows in the glow of a thermonuclear blast in the fireplace.
Kathryn also asked us to pay particular attention to this oddity, which I isolated in Photoshop so we can all share in the holiday horror:
Sarah: There are. No words. Except these seven: PUT THAT DICK BACK IN THE BOX!
Candy: Dude, his cock is so huge, it has to be strapped down near his shoulder. Size queens, take note of this man.
Sarah: We don’t as a rule snark cover copy, but wow. The art department clearly hit the same spiked nog as the copy department when this egg was hatched. “Duncan enjoyed her joy??!”
Candy: And nine months later, little elves emerged, a by-product of Duncan enjoying the joy just a leeeetle too intensely to remember to put a stocking on Santa, if you know what I mean.
Sarah: Over Christmas weekend, my dog Logan was constipated to the point that on 12/24 a trip to the emergency vet was required. He received two mammoth enemas and, according to reports from those present, he made that same face. The one on the right, I mean.
Candy: Dude’s Solstice Craving is some Metamucil, or maybe some bran. He has an inner beast, and his inner beast is severely obstipated.
Sarah: All together now! Tie me kangaroo down, sport! Tie me kangaroo down! It’s too small to give me some head, Fred, so tie me kangroo down!”
Candy: You have to admit, it’s really cutting-edge and brave of Harlequin to publish a romance about a pre-op tranny getting her greatest Christmas wish. Though I wish she’d hooked up with somebody who looked a great deal less smirky and greasy.
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