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Vintage Covers are Ready for Their Close Ups

The wayback machine: land of strange illustrations and cover art that led you to discover amazing writers while questioning the sanity or narcotic habits of certain illustrators.

Sarah: So THAT’S where the idea for Burning Man came from. I’ve always wondered.

Candy: That is quite possibly the strangest tan-line I’ve ever seen. It’s like reverse-goggles-farmer tan.

Sarah: It’s Evanovich’s first paranormal, about a very flexible were-jellyfish woman who masquerades as an 80’s executive while waiting for the chance to stretch her talents and entangle the man of her dreams!

Candy: Holy crap! It’s totally that annoying chick from the first season of West Wing! Except she seems to have picked up a gnarly case of rheumatoid arthritis along the way. Poor lady. My one big piece of advice for you, speaking as a person who’s good friends with a fellow young ‘un with gnarly arthritis: let OXO be thy savior.

Sarah: Never, and I do mean NEVER, doubt the power of sexxy contained in a thumb-on-the-chin Olan Mills photo pose. I have to… excuse me. Rwor.

Candy: Is somebody channeling a bit of the Hoff? The answer, I think, is YES, YES, YES.

Cover Snark Goes Vintage

Dust off Ye Olde Eyewash Station: it’s time for retro cover art, courtesy of Diane, who sent me a collection of lovely awesome books, with truly spectacular covers, which I found again when cleaning out my book-gasm of an office.

Sarah: When even the Real Doll™ rejects your attempts to reach first base, it’s time to think about rewriting your eHarmony profile, is all I’m sayin’.

Candy: Zombies are so passé. The new horror trend? Reanimated mannequins, bent on making everybody dress in ironic 80s fashions. Just take a look at the latest sure-to-be-classic George Romero horror flick, “Night of the Disco Mannequins.” They’re not set on eating your brains, but they’re definitely going to try and make your shoulderpads bigger.

And because the picture is just too great to be believed, here’s a close up:

Sarah: For a long time, I wondered where Garth Brooks got his fashion sense. And even though I know the answer to that question now, I remain as mystified as ever as to WHY.

Candy: That is possibly one of the most porntastic ‘staches I have ever seen, and that woman looks like she’s ready to knock if off his friggin’ face. I love it!

Sarah: Ah yes, Prince Joe. Prince of what, you ask? Mulletshire, obviously. In the region of Feathering Blowdryer, kingdom of Northwest Mousse.

Candy: Daaaaamn. With hair like that, His Royal Highness there doesn’t need a helmet when he goes ridin’. I suppose if it weren’t so flammable, the military would’ve looked into developing the Aquanet Forcefield a long time ago.

Amazing Art

First, from Holly comes this link to Leif Peng’s Today’s Inspiration blog,  and an absolutely amazing visual collection of Francis Marshall’s covers for Barbara Cartland’s novels. Holy smoke.

“For one thing, all the girls have ‘manga eyes’, which is a signature mark of Barbara Cartland heroines, and makes them more unreal. For another, they´re all period costumes, and his background in fashion really shines through here. He is brilliant with the clothes, I find.”

Seriously, take a few minutes and check that out. Holy smoke, is that some fascinating art. I love some of the older covers - not just the neon pink gladiators and the mullets of the 70s and 80s but the retro art on covers like these, too. Do you have favorite old covers? Mullets included?

 

 

Moning, Moning, and Night

Thanks to Dell Historicals, should you be perusing your bookshelf, unsure of who wrote this book, there’s no question who the author was:

Or maybe that’s the title: “Karen Marie Moning by Karen Marie Moning.” There’s not enough eponymous romance novels, really - which means someone’s going to come up with a pseudonym like “Spanky Thunderpants” or “His Carnal Desires” so they can hop on the eponymous train.

Thanks to Brandy for the pic, and to Books a Million for having such photogenic carpet.

Oh - that’s another good pseudonym option, especially for eponymous hopefuls: “Photogenic Carpet.”

More Cover Fun

While looking online for my favorite eBay treasure (romance cover art paintings) I found Y’ALL ARE IN A PEEN from yesterday, and today…. giant floating cats.

Specifically, women that turn into oceans where giant floating cats live. And smaller erect women howl at the moon. Or a lighthouse. Probably at the lighthouse. Stupid lighthouse. All erect and phallus-y. Here, have a look:

I don’t know if I can tell you how sad I am that this auction ended.