Here’s a snippet of an e-mail conversation that started out about the weird periodic outages Smart Bitches has been experiencing on the West Coast. It quickly degenerated into… well, you’ll see.
Sarah: I will email Esosoft and ask about the outages. I know I was online yesterday at about 7.40 EDT, which would correspond to 4.40 PDT, and didn’t have a problem, but I wouldn’t bet the farm that the times coincided exactly. Anyway, I’ll email them. Weird, I tell you.
Candy: Heh, I wonder why it’d be OK on the East Coast but not on the West? I’d think it was due to fuckery on my company’s end, except it’s happened to me at home, too, and other Esosoft sites aren’t down.
In other gross news: I just put on my jacket ‘cause the office is motherfucking COLD, y’all. And I think Eric drooled all over it last night because I smell cat spit.
Let me repeat that: I’m at work, and I smell like cat spit.
Sarah: You smell like cat spit? I smell like Oliver love rubbing drool, too, because he rubbed his face all over my sweater and now it smells like him - and has a looooot of orange hairs on it in places I can’t reach. GAH.
Cat spit. Very sexy. I bet Hermes stocks it in eau de parfum.
Candy: Yeah--cat spit is one of the most potent aphrodisiacs in the world. Casanova used liberal applications of it together with oysters and the like to seduce women.
Sarah: I seriously think, to delve into the off-color for a moment, that you need to market yourself with the married woman-cat spit combo. The musk of the illicit with your marital status, coupled with the unmistakable allure of cat spit, and you’ll have to beat the men away from yourself with a stick. A big one.
Candy: To make your off-color comment even more off-color: What kind of a stick? Is it fleshy and throbbing?
Sarah: Hee! Well, it depends on the individual you’re trying to beat off. He might come with his own stick, though!
Candy: Mmmmm, duelling throbbing sticks… Like duelling banjos, only with less creepy, inbred hillbilly idiot savants!
Or so I’d hope, anyway.
“you need to market yourself with the married woman-cat spit combo. The musk of the illicit with your marital status, coupled with the unmistakable allure of cat spit, and you’ll have to beat the men away from yourself with a stick.”
And it should definitely be called Forbidden Pussy Juice!!
*giggle. snort*
I just sprayed coffee over my monitor again. I want to just sit and watch you guys type back and forth.
I have one cat- out of three- that drools. Perhaps I can milk him for cat spit to add to my illicit odors?
Oh crap, I just noticed the double-entendre in this gem from Sarah: “it depends on the individual you’re trying to beat off. He might come with his own stick, though!”
Haaaaa.
Yeah, no kidding. Dude who wants me to beat him off better come with his own goddamn stick.
ROFLMAO
Ooph.
But all the men you’d attract would be named “Tom”, and they’d have barbed penises, too (or didn’t you know that about male cats? Rrrroowr!)
Doug: I’m telling you, you have a career in erotic paranormal romance.
Why doesn’t anyone listen to me, dammit?
Cat spit? Here I envisioned the SBs using their work time to come up with a cure for zits or work out an alternative energy plan or figure out why the toast always lands jelly side down.
And you’re talking about cat spit. I feel so disillusioned now.
But at least I know I’m not the only one experiencing flickering Internet service today. Sunspots? Bad Karma?
I’ve only ever had one cat that drooled--a female Persian who liked to watch the hubby and I make the beast with two backs. She’d sit on the dresser and watch… and drool. I’m talking puddles, y’all.
Freaked me the fuck OUT. I made dh get rid of the damn nasty thing. If I’d only known there was such a market for hot, sexy cat spit! Alas for the wasted opportunities…
Damn, I’ve got a loser cat who never drools. Bloody bastard. It’s on purpose, I’m sure. No way the lousy bum would contribute anything at all to the well-being of anyone in this household.
We’re still debating why we love him so much.
Hairball. Bag o’ dander.
Stef
OMG!
At least you don’t have cat butt art on your carpets. Yep, we call it Emma art. Long haired cats I tell ya, never again! I don’t get it because she never did it and then all of a sudden, I’m cleaning butt streaks off my carpets every freaking day. I’m getting hardwood floors - that’ll fix her wagon.
Amy, I hurt myself reading your post. Our cats run for cover and if they don’t they get tossed quickly. No standing around gawkin’. Run, run for lives!!
CindyS
A website that reviews romance novels from a couple of smart bitches who will always give it to you straight. No bullshit. No gushing--unless the author really deserves it.
Am I the only one who REMEMBERS “Murphy Brown?”
I loved that show, Silver, and my hair proves I was around to watch every new episode. Don’t let these youngsters get to you. :)
From Nathan's Bukkit
I feel like I should be dabbing away a line of dribble from the side of his mouth in that first picture, bad artist! *newspaper smack* I read and loved all the books, but this movie makes me cringe baaaad. …
From Creepy Stupid
I’m with Lyvvie about the Love’s Baby Soft ad: that was seriously creepy in a someone-call-DCFS-right-now way. OTOH, I really enjoyed the hypothetical letters from Edward to Sarah. What a hoot.
From Creepy Stupid
Sarah, at least it’s not like an orange on a toothpick, but I’m sure you’d be able to dig some of those covers up, too.
From Nathan's Bukkit
I remember my mom watching Murphy Brown. *g*
*ducks whatever Silver throws*
*throws a feather pillow at Lorelie* Hey, I’m older than dirt and I EARNED every one of these silver hairs on my…
From Nathan's Bukkit
Candy said on...
CindyS said on...
08.17.05 at 09:51 AM |