Vampire haiku:
It’s like man-titty haiku
with sharper nipples.
I have dragged author Jennifer Rardin over to this here site, probably kicking and screaming but it’s virtual so maybe she’s got a big flamethrower aimed at me or something, in order to announce a really kickass contest. Originally I suggested that I’d give away a shiny new copy of Once Bitten, Twice Shy since I have two, but then Alex, Jennifer’s publicist, sweetened the pot and said, ‘How about a Year of Vampires?’ And I exploded with jealousy and said, ‘Hell yeah!’
Here’s the deal: in the comments to this entry today until 4:00 pm Pacific Time, post a haiku (up to two 5-7-5 stanzas, please) of your own creation about vampire heroes. Hate them? Love them? Feel the need for raunchy vamp haiku? Bring it on, and post it here.
Jennifer will judge the best one, and Orbit books will send that lucky winner A Year of Vampires – every book in Rardin’s series as they come out for the next year. That would be Once Bitten, Twice Shy
So – bring it on! Post your poetic tributes to the vampire hero here, and Jennifer will be judging your creative efforts.
Thanks and graceful curtsies to Alex Lencicki, Orbit Books, Jennifer Rardin, and vampire heroes for being every-damn-where.
Vampries have parts
That are long and very white
And I don’t mean teeth
I am a vampire
My big part is not so white
You want to taste it?
Stop staring at
That juicy young thing and
Bite me already
Undead you may be
But I bet I have enough
Blood for both of us
A vampire bites me
I come twice as he does it
Come back, I have more
Damn, now I’m one too
I want a man titty slave
Where shall I bite him?
Fiends? Fangs nibble necks
Head turned, long soft throat exposed
Skin broken to bliss
Friends? Futile struggle
Hot, vile eyes gloat as blood drains
A sneer, mocking life
Gwynnyd
Bite me in moonlight
Sorry I just ate garlic
To bad hungry again
Fangs erupt
In carnal anticipation
Eternal embrace
~ * ~
Joined as one
Two souls collide
Crimson ties
“Come get bit!” they said
Endless sex, days free for soaps
Plus no morning breath.
Hickies getting bad
Anemia as STD?
Damn your eyes, Anne Rice.
Must think emo… Dark Dark, I call upon the power of Goth… yes! yes! Black Lipstick! I feel like Robert Smith! Fassssscccccinaaaaation Streeeeeet…
Dark lovers passion
Fangs pierce deep into my soul
All is fading now
so sick of vampires
i just might puke puke puke puke
i just want to puke
~~~
(all the same, teddy’s poem is beautiful…)
Spikey Fangs
Ripped abs and hard cocks
Suck what?
Big bad vampire males
Angsty emo tears, oh my!
Gotta love ‘em, true?
LKH no more
Remember Anita Blake
The sound of sucking
I’m horrible with Haiku, but here are my efforts:
Blood all around me,
Waiting for sweet surrender
I lie in his arms.
**********
Vampire lover boy—
Anita Blake, who’s that b*tch?
Forget her, take me!
Oh, golly! What a field of contenders! Let’s see. . .
Stalking silly girls
In darkness, ending their lives
I miss eating fruit
Should have worked out more
Now deathless and eternal
doughy midsection
Sex with the undead
Makes for pleasure all night long
And tastes like iron
Vampire mantitty
Cold white flesh makes me quiver
Like type A? Bite me!
You bit me, so hot
Now we’re bound—eternally
Fuckity fuck fuck
You kiss my bite, baby
Now let’s go find some dinner
Tasty tots, perhaps?
Hard drinking lover
with sharp pointy teeth and black
leather pants, you dig?
My neck he doth prick
But I am juicy elsewhere
Come, I want some dick!
Picky about vamps
Before I sink into them
They gotta have teeth
What I want to know
Is when the vampire men
Said “Emo is cool”?
If my bloodsucker
Always cries more than I do,
Pass me the garlic.
Immortal villian
Bite clouds your mind with darkness
Blood drips down neck
Fingers entwined and
Legs wrapped ‘round your waist. Teeth at
Your throat. Impale me!
((Can we post more than one entry? If so…))
The sexy male vamp
Falls for the all-powerful
Magic va-jay-jay.
Much sexxin’ ensues
The blood and man-juice are thick:
All hail the true mate!
My vampire lover,
Afraid I’ll never see you—
I work the day shift.
ok my poetry sucks (lol)!
Darkness falls, I wait
My vampire will soon be here
I can has hickey?
I’ve got another one, a series even.
Cheer up emo kid
Fake vampire fangs aren’t cool
Real deal is better
Black clothes and make-up
Do not make you a vampire
You must be undead
The angst and dark pain
Is a very good start though
Next step, blood sucking
I like this game.
Dracula, Jean-Claude
Edward, Vayl, Nick Knight, Kisten—
All are sexy beasts.
Oh, blood sucking man
Your angst is a real downer
Please, go get some sun
His eyes speak “Undeadâ€;
His mouth is crimson; his pants—
Nosferatu Lives!
If I loved undead,
I would lose my best heat source;
Undead skin is cold.
I don’t have to fear
When my boyfriend bites my neck;
He ain’t got no fangs.
Whoa, these came out more emo than I anticipated!
**
He is old pennies
and undead dust in my mouth:
Haemovore fetish.
**
Moonlight birthed your sin,
sunshine immolates my shame:
Liminal outcasts.
**
And an extra for the lols, not to be judged . . .
Vampire boyfriend,
please find an undead dentist.
I’m sick of “love bites.”
Cowboys, shieks and Dukes
Are antique heros. Give me
Wang Everlasting.
::longer38! OMG
::
Oh lame emo boy
Trent Reznor would kick your ass
Don’t wear manliner.
my spamcatcher is: COLD83
cold… like a vampire’s undead flesh.
Dang, I don’t envy the judges of this contest! Too many wonderful entries!
Oh hey, sweet thang, I
got your wooden stake right here…
Get lost. Vampires suck.
When it comes to international poetic styles with high potential for satire, and limited syllable counts, I prefer limericks to haiku (it’s so much easier to write about Nantucket). But I’ll do anything for free books. Here’s my stab at haiku:
Mate!” “Fate!” “I’m a beast”
Vampire conversation is
Limited, at least.
Sure, he is high strung
But his great salvation is
He’s rich and well hung.
________________________
And, here’s an extra written in my preferred mode of poetic expression:
There once was a moody young fellow
Who wore black and was never mellow
He got bit by a vamp,
Then sucked blood like a champ
Shouting “Mate!” when a girl waved hello.
Poetry was never a stong suit.
ma petite, ma petite, ugh
words that make me look for a stake
Angel was way hot, though
Broody, moody, pale,
Half a pound of eyeliner?
That ain’t no vampire.
Vampires are kick-ass.
They crave blood, not attention.
(They crave virgins too.)
Virgins, listen up:
Perhaps if you’re fortunate
You’ll get sucked by one.
Vampires like the blood.
Equal opportunity
suckers too. Oh yes.
Oh, Mr. Vampire!
Please, show us your long white – fangs.
We all love long things.