Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

My random mammal- a mink. saucy…

although I love the snark (and really, the covers themselves deserve it) IMHO, any one who judges a book just by its cover, does the same to people.

Let me think on a title, but I know by the time I get home from work, there will be many suggestions.

The Venusian Outlaw’s Insatiable Prisoner

Didn’t much like being a mouse so I became a bandicoot. And I’m actually impressed the generator had bandicoot in there.

Not sure how anyone can equate HQ with the term bodice-ripper. Although I’m not a fan of HQ’s, so I can’t come up with any current decent ones, but I’d suggest an old Stephanie James.

The Peorian Thousandaire’s Bodacious Virgin

If evaluating fiction for fiction’s sake fails, can I suggest mud-
wrestling?

The Loadedinaire Virginial Whore

I just wanted to try the random generator:  oryx.

Doesn’t this title entice you?  Tasty Fishmongeress?  Mmmm.

The Mesopotamian Legal Consultant’s Tasty Fishmongeress

I tried the random generator:

The Samoan Hunter’s Depraved Queen

Is it wrong that I want to read this?

As for titles to suggest...hmm. I really dug Kathleen O’Reilly’s Blaze novels that came out last year, even though the titles made me wonder. The accountant one was my favorite.

The Venusian Millionaire’s Anarcho-Syndicalist Mistress

OOOH!  I really really like that title!

Oh god, have to share this one!
The Mesopotamian Merchant’s Insatiable Secretary

I have no suggestions, but from now on, I want to be known as ‘The Pacific Islander Legal Consultant’s Supine Duchess’, or ‘The Mesopotamian Vampire’s Anarcho-Syndicalist Prisoner’. I will answer to no other names.

Random mammal? Numbat.

They’re making these up.

I second Kathleen O’Reilly.  SEX, STRAIGHT UP.  I also suggest Elle James’s Intrigue, ALASKAN FANTASY.  Set on the Ididarod--great, action-packed story.  One of my favorites from last year.

If we want to go back a bit, my favorite category romance is Jan Freed’s THE WALLFLOWER (Superromance).  But I really think you should send him something current, as much as I totally adored this book.

Great challenge, Sarah.  Most of my suggestions are older books or Harlequin historicals, but I’ll check my shelves this afternoon.

Signed, The Scottish Dragon Emperor’s Supine Bride

Let’s DO go back a bit. I’ll throw any Desire title by Eileen Wilks into the pot. She’s gone over to the paranormal side of the Force now, but her romances RULE.

And I don’t need a generator—long ago my crit partner and I agreed to a title for our awesome book: THE RICH CHRISTIAN VIRGIN COWBOY’S SECRET BABY.  That’s enough for us.

I think it needs a little tweaking, as…

‘The Assyrian Paper Company Sales Representative’s Captive Automaton’

...is definitely not a Harlequin Presents, and probably not a romance at all.  Most likely a ‘New Weird’ short story published in either Strange Horizons or Subterranean Magazine.  :)

“The Mediterranean Performance Artist’s Buxom Bride.” It’s the sort of thing that we wooly mammoths enjoy.

I’d recommend “Delicious” by Julie Cohen, published in the US as “Macalester’s Baby.” Terrific book.

I think it needs a little tweaking…

Are you kidding? It’s perfect! I so want to read this one.

The Parisian Sheik’s Depraved Personal Trainer

I don’t know. Maybe I’m feeling defeated because it’s the last week of summer, but sometimes I doubt that hard core negative judgers of the genre are going to have an epiphany a la “I am Sam” (with apologies to Dr. Seuss) just by doing some reading.

But I know I speak for many when I say I appreciate your efforts!

I’ve posted twice before (here and here) about the utter inanity that is the romance novel title. They’re really formulaic: if you’ve seen one, you’ve seen ‘em all.

Okay, I’ll admit that many romance titles are redundant and formulaic, but I HATE IT when people generalize and lump the whole genre together.  There are actually some damn clever titles out there if you ask me!

Love the letter, Sarah.  Me hopes he accepts the duel!!

The titles? Don’t get me started. The contents? Not bodice ripper, not low-grade, and certainly not throwaway. Not by a longshot.

I’m in your corner, Sarah. Great challenge.

Just a question:  When did Harlequin Presents titles start getting so silly? I just pulled an old favourite Anne Mather HP down from my shelf, which lists her other titles as: “Seen By Candlelight”, “Dark Enemy”, “Chase a Green Shadow”, “White Rose of Winter”, “Leopard in the Snow” (ooh, I remember that one!), and “A Distant Sound of Thunder”, among others....

Not a billionaire baby in the bunch.  So just as a point of historical interest, when did Harlequin develop its own Random Title Generator for the Presents line, and why?

Just curious,
The Scottish President’s Sleep-Deprived Prisoner

Another vote for Sex Straight Up, by Kathleen O’Reilly, with a very close second for Nightcap.  She’s amazing at infusing her books with topical issues in a way even those biased against category romance cannot ignore:) A 9/11 widower hero in Sex Straight Up and a Deputy Mayor Heroine in Nightcap dealing with a Transit Strike...?

I just can’t wait to see what she does next !

Stacey

shewhohashope

Random mammal? Numbat.

They’re making these up.

Not making it up - the Numbat is real.

The Nordic Landowner’s Supine Slave-Girl

Goat!  That’s my Chinese Zodiac sign.  Huh.

I’m blanking on specific recommendations, but Rayanne Thayne has been fairly consistently good.  She has a new Intimate Moments out, but I haven’t read it yet.

The Albanian Prince’s Tasty Princess

Mmm, tasty!

All discerning llamas are reading “The Frankish Outlaw’s Quiet Fishmongeress” these days.

Random generator: ELK.  Hmmmmm, I used to live in ELK RIVER, MN so that’s interesting! LOL

Sincerely,
The Samoan Legal Consultant’s Lonely Prisoner

Well played Sarah!

I must put in my 2 cents for Flyboy by Karen Foley. This one is more then your average Blaze, two believe characters and a wonderful military plot.

I have nothing to add to this conversation except:

The Albanian NASCAR Driver’s Bemused Feminist

Oh my.

That is fun. These are my favorites:

The Parisian NASCAR Driver’s Unctuous Slave-Girl

The Pacific Islander Tycoon’s Bluestockinged Fishmongeress

The Nordic Dragon Emperor’s Tasty Bride

The Parisian King’s Sleep-Deprived Dragon Lady

The Slavic King’s Feminist Girl Friday

So, as The Gaelic Duke’s Bodacious Duchess, I was just talking with a few of my friends, and I was reminiscing on that link a while back with the comic about Mr. Darcy - the (very short) plot was about what married life was like for the Darcys. It was quite funny, but I couldn’t find it in the Archives. Anyone remember this?

The Maltese Dragon Emperor’s Wily Fishmongeress

O_o!!!

Hmmm, if I combine my mammal and title, I get:
The Mesopotamian Hunter’s Insatiable Love-Slave’s Orangutan.

Kinky.

OK, I haven’t actually read this, but I fully intend to.  It got a B+ on Dear Author, and I think it would be perfect for this challenge. 

If I’d Never Known Your Love by Georgia Bockhoven.  Harlequin Everlasting Love.

From the review/summary, I’d say this one couldn’t be further from a low-grade, throwaway bodice ripper. 

Whatever you select, here’s hoping he accepts the duel and gets schooled!

I tried to add a link to the review:

url=http://dearauthor.com/wordpress/2008/08/09/review-if-id-never-known-your-love-by-georgia-bockoven/]If I’d Never Known Your Love[/url]

Let me try again:

If I’d Never Known Your Love

Oh, Ilona I’m jealous!

I wanna be the Maltese Dragon Emperor’s Wily Fishmongress!

Instead I am The Gaelic Outlaw’s Bodacious Marquess

I had to share.

The Venusian Dragon Emperor’s Buxom Girl Friday

Love it!!

The Frankish Prince’s Gold-Digging Love-Slave

And here I thought I had no idea what my next novel would be. I envision imagine a woman in harem dress, with brilliant auburn hair to her waist, pitchfork in hand as she mines for that golden 24K ore. It’ll sell a million copies.

Rita here I come!

I’d recommend Janice Kay Johnson’s SNOWBOUND:  a school teacher and her busload of hormonal teenaged pupils are stranded at a ski lodge run by a scarred war veteran with issues.

I’ve always been irritated by the titles- they can make a well done story appear formulaic, even though there are fresh authors out there.

Couple of authors that come to mind-

Janice Kay Johnston tends to write heart-wrenching stories for HQ Superromance.  “With Child” was outstanding (and an award winner, I believe).  I’ve heard similar good things about “Snowbound”.

I’ll second Raeanne Thayne.  Good stories, compelling characters.

For more adventure/action, Catherine Mann comes to mind.  Some of her Wingmen Warriors series have dealt with very serious topics that face members of our military. 

I guess the question is, are you looking to break the notion with a “Blaze” type book, or one that is more romance-focused? 

The Samoan Hunter’s Sleep-Deprived Secretary- *giggle*

Um, Blazes ARE romance focused.  They just sometimes have a lot of hot sex.

I see no reason to try and deny that romances have hot sex in them.  It’s part of the package.  I hate that the only books anyone ever wants to hold up to the light are the ones that are serious and deal with issues--or the ones where the characters experience sexual tension, sexual tension, sexual tension, love & commitment, then sex.  Blah, blah, blah.  It’s very old school.  (Which isn’t to say there’s anything wrong with that...there’s no school like the old school.)

But sometimes, I like a book that’s hotter, that shows what happens to those couples who fall into bed pretty darned fast and the aftermath that follows, even if it’s all good.  It’s perfectly okay for romances to just be fun and sexy and exciting and emotional.  That’s what Blaze is to me, anyway.

I’m not knocking “the issue” books or the slow build books...I’m just saying that we shouldn’t discount one particular line just because the sex is explicit and sometimes happens in Chapter 1.

The Aztec Rogue’s Insatiable Love-Slave

Hey, who broke into my hard drive and peeked at the spoilers??

LOLOL

I have a box of Red Silhouette novels from the 1980’s that my mom gave me.  Maybe I can find something in there. :)

My random title: “The Parisian Sadist’s Unwilling Lady”

I think I need to write this book...but something tells me HQ won’t print it. :) Bondage anyone?

Okay, I couldn’t help it.  Here’s another one:

The Viking Rogue’s Tasty Bride

You know, in a way they’re actually proving the point of those titles:  that they draw attention to themselves and to the book.  How many people have picked up some of those categories based on the outrageous titles? I have.  They’re certainly outrageous in a much more noticeable way than the endless variations on passion and sin in single title Romances (every time I review a book from a certain publisher, I have to check like three times to make sure I’m writing the totally derivative title in the right way, since it’s impossible to tell them apart based on the book itself).  And the Presents titles, at least, are usually pretty descriptive, too.  I know that’s not the point of the mockery, but I doubt Harlequin is unaware of the absurdity of those titles or that it eschews that absurdity if it sells more books to people who either know what they’re getting from the title or people who are so intrigued that they have to pick up a book. 

As for recommending a good category, I think that the first Harlequin Temptation, LaVyrle Spencer’s Spring Fancy is great.  As are the old Laura London ones.  Or the old Jennifer Crusie’s.  I know there are plenty of contemporarily published ones, as well, but I am a bit hesitant to recommend one to a non-Romance reader.  I truly believe that genre Romance is a paradigm that allows its readers to understand and accept certain things that are more difficult to get and appreciate for the non-Romance reader.  And categories, with their condensed format, can be even more strict in terms of the genre paradigm.  So those books genre readers understand to be exemplary may not come across that way for readers who are not used to the genre conventions.

I never did understand what part of the health code being shirtless or shoeless in a restaurant was breaking.  It’s not like something is going to fly off a person’s chest that couldn’t be on their shirt or that the bottom of their feet is any dirtier than the bottom of their shoes would be.

Probably TMI here, but restaurants and stores get a lot of...well, foot traffic, so to speak, and not necessarily a lot of sun. Which means the floors are going to be a breeding ground for germs and fungi-people don’t like going barefoot in a gym because of athlete’s foot and there are other fungal infections that can be picked up with the feet.

Not entirely sure about the bare chest thing, but bare feet in busy places are one way to catch some yucky fungal infections.

crap, posted in the wrong one… that was supposed to be in the GO TOPLESS post.... sorry!

Awesome.  I won’t deny that some romance (and many titles and most cover art) is bad, but it’s like any genre - I read enough children’s lit, gen lit, chick lit, gardening books, travel essays, blogs, screeds, and philosophy to know that’s the case across the board.
Except those other genres tend to have better covers.  (Sorry, cover artists - I love you, and your lives are difficult, but . . .)

The Scottish Marquis’s Reluctant Personal Trainer

I know that’s not the point of the mockery, but I doubt Harlequin is unaware of the absurdity of those titles or that it eschews that absurdity if it sells more books to people who either know what they’re getting from the title or people who are so intrigued that they have to pick up a book.

To me, it’s like a “high concept” movie or the “elevator pitch.” You see that title, you know the plot. I mean, what’s more high concept than “Snakes on a Plane”?

If you’re like Robin, you pick it up for the outrageousness of it.  If you’re a fan of the Greek billionaire/secretary/mistress/secret baby plot, you pick it up because you know what you’re getting.

If (like me), you’re so ADHD you can’t tell one from the other, you’re going to look away because it’s confusing and cluttering.  (Although that brings up another issue with single titles in that their titles all blur together in my mind, too, so while they’re less outrageous, they’re no more memorable for the same reason.)

The Assyrian Outlaw’s Insatiable Marquess

Heh.

The Italian Millionaire’s Unwilling Love-Slave

I’m SO writing this book!  LOL

How many people have picked up some of those categories based on the outrageous titles?

Good point!  Some days, when I’m feeling kind of self-conscious, and there’s a hottie looking at magazines right beside me, I either won’t look at the categories at all, or I’ll pick up the ones with the most outrageous names, giggle out loud, and put it in my basket.

I think that we remember the really egregious names, and the more appropriate, less-cringe-worthy names we just don’t notice.  This is a link to a list of lots-n-lots of Presents titles, and most of them don’t grab my attention at all:

http://www.fictiondb.com/series/harlequin-presents-subscription~HPS~s.htm

Maybe it’s like the full moon causing more births myth.  It’s not that more births happen during a full moon, it’s just that we notice the full moon when births happen more than we notice any other phase.

Which probably makes more sense in my mind than to you… Sorry. Groggy today.

Oh, SB Sarah, I totally less than three you right now. Excellent letter.

The Mayan Dragon Emperor’s Insatiable Secretary

I’m sending this title to Bam. I think she’s gonna write one of these serials next.

The Indian Performance Artist’s Depraved Girl Friday

Yeah, the mockery is totally off the scale.

Yeah, that remark on his site peeved me, too.

Oooooooooh, the gauntlet has been thrown, eh? 

I have to tell you, I’ve read my fair share of historical bodice rippers.  I got through high school by imagining myself anywhere but, and historical romance novels helped a lot.  They also helped me pass history without cracking a textbook.

But the toughest thing I ever did was try to get DocTurtle to read a romance novel.  I was trying to prove that there were good ones out there.  I think I gave him something by Betina Krahn.  Unfortunately we’re talking about a man who reads non-fiction for fun.  He teaches himself foreign languages as a hobby.  He’s a mathematician, for FSM’s sake!  He couldn’t force himself halfway through it.  I wish you luck getting him to read a romance.  You’ll need it!

There’s that ‘bodice ripper’ phrase again…

Pardon me while I go twitch in a corner. :)

Since the random mammel I received was “shrew” and the random title I received was “The Celtic Cad’s Gold-Digging Countess” I have to wonder if the universe is trying to tell me something today.

Either that or someone has been talking to my ex......

OMG, my mammal is COUGAR! I started to say I’m not that old. But, sigh, I am.

The Pacific Islander Sadist’s Insatiable Model

The Turkish Paper Company Sales Representative’s Bodacious Automaton

Is an automaton like a robotic blow-up doll?

I nominate Jessica Bird’s The Billionaire Next Door.  I loved this book!

signed,
The Scottish President’s Willing Girl Friday

Here’s my title:  The Parisian NASCAR Driver’s Bodacious Automaton

Okay, but not enough alliteration, IMO.

Oh, and my animal was groundhog.  I don’t know how to feel about that, actually.

MoJo:  I think the single title situation is the worst.  I am one of those people who identifies a book by its title more than by its author, and the absolute INANITY of most of these titles astonishes me.  How is it that a book like Susan Johnson’s Forbidden can still be so distinctive, but so many of the books pouring forth from publishers currently have more words in the titles and fewer distinguishing marks.

The Maltese Dragon Emperor’s Wily Fishmongeress

O_o!!!

NOTHING CAN TOP THIS.  Ilona Andrews wins.  That is all.  *bakes prize cookies*

Not entirely on-topic, but I’m re-reading SEP’s Ain’t She Sweet, and I just read the following dialogue between Colin and Sugar Beth:

“[Faulkner]’s a man, and I have limited patience with dead white male writers. Or even living ones for that matter, you and Mr. Conroy being notable exceptions. Now Jane Austen, Harper Lee, Alice Walker, their books deal with things women care about.” She let herself rattle on. “Margaret Mitchell isn’t p.c. anymore, but that was one heck of a pager-turner. Then there’s Mary Stewart, Daphne du Maurier, LaVyrle Spencer, Georgette Heyer, Helen Fielding--but only the first Bridget Jones. Nope, Faulkner just doesn’t make my final cut.”

“Your list is a little heavy on romance for my tastes.”

“You try spending six months sitting at somebody’s bedside waiting for them to die and then tell me that the happy-ending love story isn’t one of God’s good gifts.”

I love SEP.

The Frankish Thousandaire’s Feminist Bride

Hey—Millionaires, billionaires, tycoons and royalty abound, but I’m stuck with the bride of a “thousandaire”??  I feel so, so . . . discounted.

On the other hand, I prefer feminist bride to:

The Greek Legal Consultant’s Wily Automaton

Random mammal = chinchilla.  Now all I can think about is that episode of Friends where Joey goes into chinchilla ranching, not realizing that the end result is to kill his chinchillas for their fur.

I believe it’s impossible, or, at the very least, oxymoronish to be a wily automaton.  Unless, of course, said herione is so wily she’s convinced the legal consultant that she’s an automaton.  Hmm—Harlequin Intrigue?

I think I’m settling for:

The Strongbadian Performance Artist’s Robust Princess

As a princess, robust no less, I can support my Strongbadian performance artist while he struggles to succeed in his chosen creative field.

Shoot!  My randomly generated chinchilla leapt into my screen in a random spot, interrupting my non-randomly generated comment!

The Albanian History Professor’s Depraved Duchess

yowza!!

My random mammal was a human.

Needless to say, THAT was disappointing.

Just a question:  When did Harlequin Presents titles start getting so silly?

These titles started in 2000, but weird titles aren’t new to Harlequin.  Back in the ‘40s they started out with *very* lurid titles.

The Romance Wiki’s list of Harlequin Presents by the Numbers makes it easy to see the trend.
Early ‘80s titles (no billionaires)
Late ‘90s titles (still no billionaires)
Then the crazy titles start, Blam!, in 2000.

The Mediterranean History Professor’s Unwilling Bride.  I’d rather be Darlene,

The Scottish Dragon Emperor’s Supine Bride

And my mammal is the dugong, which for us mammal-ignorant types is a kind of sea cow, related to the manatee.  So good for my ego, NOT.

I don’t read much category, and I agree that some category romances follow conventions familiar only to frequent readers.  But there have to be some that transcend those conventions, right? 

Sounds like you’ve got your work cut out for you, SB Sarah—I mean, The Scottish Trillionaire’s Feminist Duchess!

OMG my brilliant title!

The Venusian Hunter’s Sleep-Deprived Marquess

Yes! Yes! Yes! I love it!

But this valiant attempt to show people who sneer at romances that romances are more than their stereotyped cliches sounds suspiciously doomed.

I’m thinking of that idea where people form an opinion (usually mistaken for a fact) and then use whatever evidence they can to support that opinion, and dismiss any evidence that contradicts or invalidates that opinion. Such as, someone who thinks all [fill in the blank] people are lazy and selfish/crazy and homicidal/drunk and stupid, etc., and will use whatever anecdotal evidence or news stories they come across to back that opinion up, and ignore all the anecdotal evidence and news and studies and so forth that say otherwise. Or people who think all [fill in the blank] movies are stupid, or [ditto] books are vapid and horrible, or members of [ditto] political party are all spineless/evil/self-serving/stupid/delusional/etc etc etc.

It just makes me tired. But rock on, Sarah. You kick ass! Maybe this time it will be different.

Ah, SonomaLass, it’s good to be the Scottish Dragon Emperor’s Supine Bride, especially when my one true love offers to turn those who write negative reviews of my novels into charred bits o’ haggis.

OK. So one of you authors just needs to whip up a romance novel with the Flying Spaghetti Monster, a mathematician, and a few foreign languages for docTurtle. Hmmm....I wouldn’t mind reading a good story with characters like that, actually.

The Flying Spaghetti Monster’s Depraved Mathematician ;-)

Luuurrrve the comment snark, but I was seriously wracking my remaining half a brain cell for an answer here! 

From your basic Silhouette, I always thought Christine Rimmer presented lovely characters in the limited confines of contemporary romance.  From the larger books, I dare a man to not laugh at Jennifer Crusie-- Welcome to Temptation is probably my absolute favorite.  If we want to throw in a thriller or an action novel--howsabout Suzanne Brockman?  (Gone Too Far, again, one of my faves:-) Either way, I"m sure you’ll come up with something amazing to throw down with the gauntlet-- you always do:o)

Okay, I want to see Harlequin publish this book:

The Nordic Shah’s Wily Marquess -

because it so sounds like an m/m romance to me!

Anytime before [I turn] 69 will do nicely, thank you, word verification for summing up its chances!  That puts it a loong time into the future.  LOL

Signed,
Diane, aka the “snowshoe hare” <blink>

I got “The Italian Performance Artist’s Quiet Automaton” I LOVE IT!!!!!

Catherine Mann
Jo Leigh
Jessica Bird
Cindy Dees
Tori Carrington
Maggie Price
Alicia Scott (aka Lisa Gardner)
Tess Gerritsen
Suzanne Brockmann
Anne Stuart
And of course, need it even be said, La Nora

The above authors do not disappoint in the category romances

I haven’t read from the Harlequin Presents line since I did a paper on one my senior year in high school and got a C.  An effin’ C, when the teacher told us to pick any book we want and write a review on it!  It was a damned fine paper, too. 

Yours,

The Maltese History Professor’s Bemused Dragon Lady

Willa writes:

I’m thinking of that idea where people form an opinion (usually mistaken for a fact) and then use whatever evidence they can to support that opinion, and dismiss any evidence that contradicts or invalidates that opinion.

It’s called a confirmation bias, and they can be strong (hence my skepticism upthread), but if this discussion doesn’t cause some healthy cognitive dissonance in Sarah’s target, I don’t know what will.

And let me add to the chorus for Kathleen O’Reilly, especially Sex, Straight Up, but also early Crusie, especially Manhunting, and another one I have on my keeper shelf, Barbara Dunlop’s The Billionaire’s Bidding .

Okay, I went through the box o’ Red Silhouettes. :) I say try:

Cattleman’s Choice by Diana Palmer. 

This bad-boy was printed in 1985! LOL.  It’s about a woman falling for a rancher, who unbeknownst to her, has been in love with her for a while.  But, he doesn’t think he’s “high class” enough for her, so he asks her to help him become “more refined”.  It’s a great novel, and I don’t know any straight guy out there who can’t identify with feeling they aren’t good enough for a hot woman.  Even my husband agrees!

It might work!!

And because I just couldn’t resist doing it again!

The Scottish Vampire’s Captive Princess

Hey...that one doesn’t sound too bad!! :)

You know, in a way they’re actually proving the point of those titles:  that they draw attention to themselves and to the book.

I’m not sure I entirely agree with the ‘all publicity is good publicity’ premise of this, although there’s certainly something to that.

Sure, if the real titles were turned up to 11 (okay 12, they’re already at 11) and pulled from a wider set of character descriptions, to give more of the surreal mashup feel, like the title generator does it, or like we’ve all ourselves done in our heads, then I actually *would* want to pick up these books as long as the stories inside ran with the concepts.

But Harlequin Presents’ *actual* title generator seems to pick from such a narrow and restricted set of stuff, with almost everything it comes up with shouting ‘unctuous patriarchal hero, wimpy doormat heroine (and that’s the way we likes it! No “Robust” for you!)’ to such an extent that it ticks off the shade of my every female ancestor, my initial reaction to them is a deep down ‘ugh! *shudder*’.  Thus I end up getting the Blazes again instead, almost certainly missing out on some good stuff in the other lines due to my unfortunate revulsion at their mere titles.

Any ironic intent sails straight over my head.  I guess it’s because I’m English or something.

So yes, both sets of titles (real and fake) offer a surreal glimpse into particular fantasy worlds.  But a lot of the fake ones read like glimpses into fantasy worlds I might actually be interested in reading about, whilst most of the real ones imply a promise of fantasies I feel like I want to back away from slowly whilst making no sudden moves :)

Gazelle
The Viking Merchant’s Captive Feminist

Wouldn’t read that one.  I find quite a few of the newer titles over-the-top and complete turn-offs.  The only thing they stimulate is my gag reflex.

The Mediterranean Tycoon’s Sleep-Deprived Actress (which I would totally read, cause I can relate...well, I’m not an actress...and I don’t know any Mediterraneans...nor tycoon’s from that region either, but I’m always sleep deprived, so I can sorta relate)

Shrew (does this mean I look like Elizabeth Taylor? *grin*)

Sure, if the real titles were turned up to 11 (okay 12, they’re already at 11) and pulled from a wider set of character descriptions, to give more of the surreal mashup feel, like the title generator does it, or like we’ve all ourselves done in our heads, then I actually *would* want to pick up these books as long as the stories inside ran with the concepts.

I’m inclined toward Jennifer Crusie’s theory that the titles are “turned up to 11” not so much as camp but to mimic the appeal of tabloids.  “Britney’s Baby Secret” sells on the magazine rack; “The CEO’s Secret Baby” sells on the book rack.

The Scottish Rogue’s Buxom Feminist

The Parisian Pirate’s Tasty Lady

The Arabian Communications Major’s Lovely Maiden

The Celtic Paper Company Sales Representative’s Lovely Model
]
this is just way too much fun!!!

I had to go back for more (God, help me, it’s addictive.)

The Austro-Hungarian Sheik’s Anarcho-Syndicalist Fishmongeress

Seriously, this book needs to be written.

His opinions on romance might be a little out of touch… but the title generator is bringing the laughs!

“The Mediterranean Rogue’s Bluestockinged Personal Trainer”? Amazing.

A few years ago someone gave me a 70s-era Harlequin they’d found in their late grandmother’s belongings.  I cherish the title:  The Doctor is In. . . different.

nadia, absolutely right. The category romances are a training ground for all the most popular in the romance/romantic suspense genre.
You can also add to your list:
Debbie Macomber
Sherryl Woods
Susan Mallery
Linda Lael Miller
Brenda Joyce

I don’t read many categories anymore, just once in awhile for a change of pace but I do have a few by Sherryl Woods tucked away for the next time I have a doctor’s appointment. My doctor kept me cooling my heels in the examining room for 1 1/2 hours the last time I was there. A category romance fits very nicely in the old purse!

The Scottish Sadist’s Gold-Digging Duchess

I certainly hope as a gold-digging noblewoman I could pick a someone less cruel.

The Pacific Islander Cad’s Bemused Model

So now I’m confused and with a loser . . .

The Highland Legal Consultant’s Supine Fishmongeress

Lawl.  Hope he doesn’t plan to run for office in the future.

The Scottish Prince’s Feminist Bride

There we go.  That’s my title.

Also, I’m a wolverine.

A dikdik.  I’m telling you, there’s something creepy about that mammal generator.  I’ve been getting more and more heavily into writing M/M fiction lately--one out, one coming, two in the woiks.

dikdik
M/M

That’s just weird.

(Sorry, I don’t know squat about Harlequin Presents! novels, but . . . sheesh . . . “bodice rippers”?  I suppose Mr. Originality is happy to have generated a firestorm of controversy that will lead to a roller coaster of emotions.

dikdik (I just like typing it!)

The Mayan Performance Artist’s Depraved Princess

I could play with that site for hours.

Wryhag, dikdiks will take over the world someday, you’ll see!

dik dik
I just had to look it up (and it is fun to type with people looking over your shoulder) It’s a small antelope.

http://www.awf.org/content/wildlife/detail/dikdik

The Arabian Paper Company Sales Representative’s Bashful Countess

from the sea otter

Oy.

OY!!

The Highland Cad’s Willing Duchess
The Native Cowboy’s Anarcho-Syndicalist Automaton
The Mayan Cowboy’s Bluestockinged Love-Slave

Stop me please, I’m addicted!  (That second one is DEFINTELY m/m.  What’s with the cowboys?  I’m a coastal girl.)

I’ve read many a Harlequin in my life and I have to agree with Dr. T - they are all low-grade. Cheap, easy reads that it doesn’t take much talent to write. Certainly not on par with Karen Marie Moning’s highly researched and imaginative romance novels like Kiss Of The Highlander. Really, once you’ve read quality romance novels like that, you’ll never go back to trashy Harlequins ever again.

Really, once you’ve read quality romance novels like that, you’ll never go back to trashy Harlequins ever again.

Well, I dunno.... I’ve read plenty of quality romance novels.  I could start a list, but we’d be here all night.

However, there are definitely plenty of quality, well-researched, highly imaginative romances--and some of them were even those ‘trashy’ Harlequins.

This comment strikes me as a matter of taste and while I won’t tell you can’t dislike Harlequins cuz that’s not fair, I can say this comment is going to come off as highly insulting. 

Like them, dislike them, whatever, but people should be able to ready what they like without having others knock their choice of reading material.

Like them, dislike them, whatever, but people should be able to ready what they like without having others knock their choice of reading material.

Crud.  I want an edit feature.

That SHOULD have been:

Like them, dislike them, whatever, but people should be able to read what they like without having others knock their choice of reading material.

I think one of the Karen Templeton’s recent books would be good.

Signed,
The Assyrian Dragon Emperor’s Insatiable Duchess

When it comes to judging Harlequin Presents by cover & title alone, I’m guilty as charged, but then last year I happened upon a review for “The Prince’s Forbidden Virgin” by Robyn Donald and then proceeded to read the Royal House of Niroli series, and now I’m pretty much hooked on Presents. So I guess I can’t be too upset with him for his uninformed words…

I might have some reccomendations after I catch up on the pile of books that’s stacked up on my shelf.

Oh, and look at this mouthful: The Indian Dragon Emperor’s Sleep-Deprived Marquess

... I’d read it.