Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

April Fools!

not to mention: frightening.....

Haaaah!

FTW!

This has totally made my day!! I laughed so hard!

Does this mean we get more lawyers as well as more bang for the buck?

It was a mashup that was meant to be. Well done Bitches [and J(h)a(y)nes]!

Hahaaaa!

Very good. I was checking from early this am to see what ya’ll had planned. :-D

I’ve got a bunch of people stirred up over on my blo(h)g too.

*snigger* Phido !

Of all things that made me laugh the most.

Holy shit guys, I nearly had a heart attack. I didn’t even read anything, my eyes just jittered across the screen, as I thought, “Wtf who stole their domain? Where’s the PINK? Did I get the URL wrong? JANDY?”

*whew*

That was evil. :P

Love it!  Thanks for the laugh today.

Ah, April Fools.  SB jokes, NASA running win 3.1, Sarkozy designing for Marks and Spencer, Heathrow returning luggage…

But hilarious! Fuckin’ vampire elephants and were duck rape FTW!
Oh Cat, I snorted at the Heathrow comment. Boy, if there’s one thing I hate about travelling to England…

“Wh-Wha?  Did I click on the wrong. . . wait. . . Dammit!”

:)

Ah, yes, April Fool’s...you bitches never disappoint.

The Were-Duck heading had me thinking of...was it Nickelodeon’s character?...Duckula - oh wait, I think that was a vampire duck.
Holy duck corkscrew penises batman! There’s a whole ‘nother sub-category just waiting to happen!

Dammit. I really wanted to read about Butch, Vishous, and vampire elephants.

I’m kinda not kidding about Butch and Vishous…

Bwahahahahahaaa!

you guys are killing me!!!! 

ty very much...I think my coffee just fried my keyboard

This is nearly as frightening as the fact that the kids dyed my white standard poodle blue today.

woof.

They also toilet papered me into my bedroom. I sent them dogfood for a snack as school today. Revenge is sweet.

woof.

AHAHAHAHAHAHA. I love the “logic” behind the launch of the wereduck line.

(Also, I would up with the khreative spellling and read the J.R. Ward books if she actually did have Vishous and Butch hook up. FYI.)

Hilarious.  I wish, though, DA was absorbed by SB since I broke DA last night.

Just curious, though, how much does the online JD cost?

That was hilarious - especially the JR Ward review. I loooove Phido and his race of beta vampire-dogs…

Dude, I wanted to read the 30 comments about wereduck weiners!  But instead I just got redirected HERE.  *sigh*

:)

Dear Bitches FTW!

Happy April!!

got the strangest email in my inbox today…

“Quack, quack! Quackety quack for a small fee quackety quack POD quack quack! Quack quackety quack you get to keep the copyright! Quack quack quack.”

hmm… methinks there is a new publisher on the market that may prove to be competition for the new line!

totally faboo - I’m dying here!!

well done!

They also toilet papered me into my bedroom. I sent them dogfood for a snack as school today.

May I steal these for use on my kids?  Might not be quite fair, though, since they haven’t done anything to me.

Ah, who cares.  I’ll do it anyway.

You had me at ‘were-duck’.  :>

LOL!

Thanks for the laughs--what a great morning pick-me-up!

Okay, I had to go back and read. How bad am I to think that EC could put out anything were and erotic??

Thanks for the laughs!

*Gasp!* *Wheeze!*

I have the “Howard the Duck” movie/soundtrack running through my fucking head now. It’s going to be a day long earworm for crying out loud!

and here I was just expecting a “sarah’s knocked up again” april fools! LOL

you bitches exceed expectations yet again.

PHIDO?
gawd its too early to wheeze and laugh this hard.

I was sleeping in on my day off and woke up to this, lol. The problem was that I forgot it was April Fools Day....boy was I confused for a moment. Don’t laugh, I haven’t finished my coffee yet.

When I read about the DAMN merge, only one thought went through my head. “Damn the man, Save the Empire”.... thus followed immediately by “But it’s Rex Manning Day” and a multitude of other Empire Records quotes ;).

Again, remind me to finish coffee before coming on this site, lol.

I finally find a link to a posting about why Porcupine Furries get no love and it leads nowhere.  What kind of April Fool’s Day Prank are you running?

You have gone too far!

I will throw you in my trunk…

*SNORFLE* *COUGH* *CHOKE*

*prepares bill for said new keyboard to be sent to Dear Bitches*

Ya’ll win. *hands intrawebs*

Oh if only. Hint hint to J R Ward!!

DAMMIT.  Now I am trying to figure out the mechanics of elephantine vampirism.  (Can they feed from 8 feet away, or do they have to carry you up to their molars, and how… DAMMIT.)

Nice one. No doubt some eager author is penning a wereduck fantasy as we speak.
It’s true about ducks, of course - they have penises, and drakes can be very violent.  Cassowaries and swans have penises, too.
Remember Leda.

Dammit

I was all excited about Dear Bitches....

Holy Fother Muckers, bitches.

My brain twitched and latched onto the JR Ward entry which I blazed through and said Lover Saved, how the hell did I miss that ANNNNNDDDDDD then I remembered it was april 1…

got me

thanks for the laugh

Does this mean we get more lawyers as well as more bang for the buck?

Darlene, I think it’s more bang for the duck. What a great send up, SBs. Must go back and read more.

You had me at Dear Bitches, Jarah and Jandy!  Then the wereducks and elephant vampires got the rest of me.

gone34

I believed the EC article could be true, too!  Hey, if you can have a were-tree (someone on one of the loops said that)- why NOT a were-duck?????

Too too funny!  Thanks for the much needed laugh!

Would vampire elephants have their fangs in their mouths, or - at the front of their trunks? I guess that wouldn’t be anatomically correct, but, oh, the possibilities!!!!

Word verification stood36 - the vampire elephant stood too close to me for comfort...

Ladies,

I had a moment of supreme panic (until I remembered the date!), then my naughty bits practically burst into flames at the idea of Vischous and Butch finally consummating their man-love (you’re such teases!).  And, finally, I laughed myself silly over Phido. 

Y’all are the bestest!  And don’t think I won’t forward that letter to JR Ward for a future book idea, true.

Oh - and were-ducks as “sexy fowl beasts”

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  *wipes eyes*

I was raised to appreciate a good pun, so ladies, BRAVO!

[eyes wide in alarm] “Were-duck?!”

[pointing into forest] “There duck.”
[pointing forward of cart] “There castle.”

“Why are you talking like that?”

[uneven shrug] “Thought you wanted to.”

That should SO come with a spew alert.

Aw...I was looking forward to ‘Year of the Penguin’!

1:30am, feeding the 4mo old to sleep, while checking the Bitchery....

My shaking, while trying to stop myself from doing some form of a yelping cackle, woke her back up.

Were-Ducks and Vampire Elephants-Fucking brilliant!!!

Count me in as somebody who TOTALLY BOUGHT that Ellora’s Cave would put out were-duck erotica.  The obligatory crappy cover art alone would be something to behold.

Titles for new line of Were-Duck romances:

Fowl Play

Artemis Fowl’s Younger Brother

Okay, I’m stopping here.  I seem to be on a Gene Wilder kick, today.

taken62—must-resist-pun-impulse

*snort*

Love the JR WARD review. That’s a book I might be willing to read . . .

Reforming a Drake
Once a Drake
Never Romance a Drake
The Perfect Drake
The Dutiful Drake
Drakes and Rogues
This Drake of Mine
Notorious Drake, Innocent Lady
The Drake’s Revenge
Mallardy and the Drake
Mallardy in Love
In Mallardy’s Chambers
Mallardy’s Revenge

Too funny. Wouldn’t elephants work out better though? Just saying

Absolutely fabulous! Had me in stitches! Thanks for a great laugh, ladies! :-)

LOL Miri - actualy I keep hearing Ducktales (Woo Hoo). Holy Hannah Montana, I am never going to be able to look at ducks the same way.

Thanks Bitches - you guys rock so hard you should have umlauts.

OMG I LOVE you guys.

Srsly.

I LOVE that version ^^. It’s so spot on. Your two blogs are the only romance blogs I read regularly. Actually I just came from them and was thinking I had hit the wrong bookmark *hearts*

Ah.
Mah.
Gah.

Totally fished in. For at least 30 seconds.

(until I saw the eyeglasses)

Too funny. Wouldn’t elephants work out better though? Just saying

Ask, and lookit what happens -
Synopsis for My Lady’s Rogue:

New to London, Mr Oliphant quickly became the Explorers Club’s latest gossip fodder.  It was reputed that his memory [and his member] were as long as his trunk.  And his trunk was proof-enough that Mr Olipant were a well-travelled gent, indeed. 

And Mr Oliphant was a rogue at heart who loved having his ivories tickled. 

But there was a mysterious attempt on his life.  Would he discover the plotter’s identity in time - and find true love along the way [or at least deflower her] - to prevent himself from becoming the newest resident of the Oliphant’s graveyard?

hell76 - yer joshin’ me, right?

Perhaps this trend will carry into other lines?  From Harlequin:

The Drake Tycoon and His Mistress

Marrying the Mallard

The Pachyderm’s Promise

The Desert Elephant’s Baby

spam blocker: high 12 - but I could only think of 4

Where do Italian vampire elephants unlive?
Tuskany
[and can you imagine the size of the coffin for the required dirt-naps]

Where do vampire elephants go for dental repair? 
Tuskaloosa
[probably would have to pay through the nose for those costs; and what would a grill look like on a vampire elephant, any way?]

stage92 - at this stage it’s too late for me,… save yourselves, run away, run away, ah-hhhhhh, scream, scream, run away

It is so hard keeping a straight face here at work after reading the April Fool’s day page.  Snort, that was soo hilarious.

Hysterical!!!

The main thing that propelled me out of bed this morning was to see what you ladies had done to the site this year.

:)

... corkscrew ... OMG ...

saw22: my eyes! my eyes!

I can’t wait for Phugeddaboutit’s book!

Bitches, we forgot those She-Who-Shall-Remain-Nameless-But-Her-Initials -Are-CE classics -

Savage Tusks

Savage Trunk

Savage Mallard

Running Drake

Thunder Duck

Were-duck.

Three days ago someone linked me to an article referred to in the Annals of Improbable Research magazine on homosexual necrophilia in the duck.

They’re stalking me, I swear.

The scary thing is that I actually might have bought the BDB spoof if it hadn’t been preceded by the were-duck piece.

Thanks for the laugh and Happy April Fools Day!

“Collections of Rather Fowl Poetry”,
by the Dead Duck Society.

Dammit, dammit, dammit.  I’m not gonna get any real work done today, am I?

Eeeeeeebol… and oh my gawd so funny!

“It was a duck and stormy night.  Suddenly a shot rang out!  A door slammed. The maid screamed. 
Suddenly, a pirate ship appeared on the horizon!
While millions of people were starving, the king lived in luxury. Meanwhile, on a small farm in Kansas, a boy was
growing up.”

Mr Oliphant, the Duck of Earl, closed the novel with no small amount of disgust that anyone would allow a were-beagle access to a typewriter.

(I’m shocked nobody asked me about the anatomically correct animal penis dildoes. SHOCKED, I tell you.)

Candy, there’s no need to ask - my brain has already been scarred on a previous occasion. (For the curious, though, you can follow this seriously NSFW link: anatomically correct animal penis dildoes. I take no responsibility for those who click.)

On a happier note, I love the were-duck titles. Hilarious!

OMGWTFBBQ!!!!!! Danielle...that’s just… *scrubs eyes*

What does it say about me that the thing I found most disturbing was the :)s, typos, and misspellings?

you and April fools are the best combination since .... ever, ever.

if i’d had that animal dildo link this morning i coulda used that for an april fools link with my prayer/ bible reading group!

(if i belonged to such a thing LOL
be worth joining one just to pass that link along and watch satan giggle.)

OMG!  I remembered it is April Fool’s Day (it is my sister’s birthday so I actually always remember) and I was reading along, giggling at the joke but maintaining my composure.  I almost made it through to the end but for some reason I just didn’t see “Phido” coming and THAT is what made me shoot tea through my nose.  Ouch.

Crap. Just the day that my computer decides to purge itself of all my links. I had one that, no joke, was titled ‘homosexual necrophiliac duck rape’. The article it lead to was a somewhat dry scientific writeup on, er, pretty much what you think it’s about. It even won a Ig-Noble a few years back.

No wonder ducks have the reputation they do.  Here’s that article:

http://education.guardian.co.uk/higher/research/story/0,9865,1432991,00.html

Sorry, you’ll have to ‘cut and paste’.

That’s the bunny. The link I had went straight to the scientific paper, though, and showed the hot necrophiliac duck action. (that’s a big LOL there, btw, for those of you who haven’t seen birds mate) The living partner had chased the dead one into the side of a building (which is why he was dead) before assaulting it.

/random unrelated thought, didn’t Zeus seduce one of his many girlfriends while in the form of a swan? There’s your mythological precedent for this kind of ‘romance’ right there!

Ok, I have to admit my gullibility. Of course, I skipped to the JR Ward review and thought, “Hmmm...maybe she saw the light and realized 2 men with that much sexual tension MUST have sex!” When I read about the were-duck, I knew something was fishy. But it wasn’t until I started reading the comments that I remembered it was April Fools.

I went to the past April Fools pages and this year’s is by far the best! The mantitty scared me, the bunnies scared me more, and the Chink-n-Jew page just seemed odd (though still funny-I like people who can laugh and joke about their own culture/ethnicity).

Silver James - I think the typos just make it worse, really. Would it be so hard to run the text through a spell-checker?

Also, I am glad someone else linked the necrophiliac ducks. *g*

Platedlizard, I believe swans, like ducks, are some of the few birds that have penises. Hmmm.
(Of course, Zeus once appeared as a shower of coins, which - I really can’t see how that’s supposed to work.)

...look, there’s only a few times that you can share an article about the evolution of birds’ penises, so I’m going to go ahead and link it. (Probably work-safe; all the pictures are work-safe and there are scholarly footnotes and everything. On the other hand, it is about the evolution of birds’ penises, so.)

“Lover Saved by J.R. Ward”

LOL!  vampire elephants - most excellent.  :)

Emerging from RL to mention Enslaved By Ducks, by Bob Tarte. Not a romance, except in the sense that avian love waddles down many a rocky road on the way HEA, and in the sense that it’s a heartwarming book.