Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

By the expression on her face, her joy was not unconfined. LMAO

“American Dads do it at the table!”

“Surprise?
Oh yeah, he surprised her alright...”

“Jim held onto her for dear life… any minute now the news that he’d broken the dishwasher was going to sink in.”

“It’s Shake and Bake...and I helped!”

‘Stuff the Turkey’

Talk to the Turkey because the Face ain’t watching.

Little Cindy once again tried to cope with her parents’ love of kitchen sex by staring blankly at her handicrafts.

“call21” --- maybe its her therapist’s number.

Mmmm....giblets

They’re making me eat raw pumpkin?

Staring at the paper turkey should put me into a trance...I hope

They always tell me no tickling at the table...hypocrites.

Bad Photoshop brings the family together for Thanksgiving!

Alternate title: Cannibal Holocaust Thanksgiving Special

Daddy’s Girlfriend: The Other White Meat

“able63"- I am patently unable to come up with something clever before my 63rd cup of coffee, which is why these are all rather lame.

What-what in the butt-butt, Thanksgiving style!

“Not at the table, Jack!”

“Guess what, my little princess? We’re going to eat your new Mommy for Thanksgiving!”
“Yay!”

(My captcha is hour19. Guess dinner starts at 7pm!)

“Don’t be scared, Mr. Paper-Plate Turkey. Sometimes when a daddy loves a mommy very much, he gives her a special kind of hug. And when he hugs her from behind like that, it’s a VERY special kind of hug.”

“The Heimlich Maneuver Has Never Been This Fun!”

“American Zombie Girls and the Sex Addict Parents who Love Them”

“Surprise Backdoor Lovin’: It’s What’s For Dinner”

“Good Thing Our Kid Is Deaf, You’re Screaming Kind Of Loud Honey”

“Not On The Good China!”

“.xV1agR4_BUYNOW_H0Tx4m3r1cN_MUMZ bast3_teh_TURKEYxxxNEWPR3SCR1PTIONS”

...and I’m out.

I can’t caption that! When I clicked below the fold saw....it, I actually had a convulsive, full-body shudder of revulsion and horror! Oh, my stars!! It is beyond going from bad into good...it’s swung round back into bad, BAD.
How can someone buy that?! Must be blurbs at work…

Egads!

The Paper Turkey God and its American Sex Show.

(For the price of a pumpkin pie, the zombie child will eat their brains afterward!)

I am so sorry, Miss Jacobs. No one deserves that cover.

(Aaaah! Verification word: children58. The zombie children are multiplying!)

Butterballin

No clever captions here. Is it just me or does that look like it could be the teenage babysitter from next door??

Is that a drumstick in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

Daddy says, it pops when it’s ready!

The TURKERY!  You’re Supposed To Stuff The TURKEY!

Stuffing the turkey, saving its life!

Look away, paper turkey friend, look away!!

Good news, Mr. Turkey! This never lasts longer than 2 minutes and then they let me have extra dessert.

“Sam, honey, I thought you said Lilith was dead.” (for Supernatural fans only)

This just reminds me of the best dirty joke I was ever told in grade school. A Thanksgiving-based narrative, the joke wasn’t good coz it was funny--not by any adult standard--but because it had cussing, which is the hallmark of fine humor when you’re eight.

And now I won’t tell it. I’m enigmatic that way.

Here’s One I Made Earlier- The Billionaire Taxidermist’s Virgin Wife’s Thanksgiving Surprise

Butterballin

LOL Teddy!!!!!

And that cover is frightening! So sorry for the author of that one.

Child: White meat or dark meat, Daddy?

Daddy: Oh, I think I’m a breast man, myself.

Do I Have To Wear This Dumb ‘American Dads’ Badge All Day?

I Think We Are Going To Need More Napkins

“Where’s the whipped cream Daddy?”

“Coming right up sweetheart!”

The kids table will never be quite the same

So that’s what ‘horn of plenty’ means.

Sam

“I gave Daddy one of the blue M&M;’s out of my table favor because it had a “V” on it instead of an “M” - yeah, I found it right here, in this one.”

Single Mom whose biological clock was ticking a few years ago: “I think I preferred Thanksgiving when it was just me and the turkey baster”

Turfucken for dinner again??

“Pssst.  Susie.  Down here, on your hand!  Yeah, it’s me, your friend Mr. Gobble.  See that big carving knife over there?  Could you be a good girl and bring it to me?  What?  What am I going to do with it?  Um...I’m going to help Daddy finish up some breast meat.”

I’m still mopping up tea from the keyboard.  Lorelie started it with the “what-what in the butt” and Teddypig finished it with “Butterballin”. 

Can’t think of a better way to start off my Monday with some tableside Thanksgiving buttsecks.

“It’s Shake and Bake...and I helped!”

Lisa Hendrix FTW!!!! (Even though I don’t get to vote.)

1. American Dads Watch Football on Thanksgiving While Their Skeezy Bachelor Buddy Bum Rushes the Mrs.

2. “Thanks for bringing the appetizer honey.”
“Yay! Cocktail Weenies are my favorite!”

3. Hmmm, I guess pork is the other white meat.

Thank God the Turkey leg is greasy or Clare wouldn’t be able to sit properly until Christmas.

“...can’t look to the left can’t look to the left can’t look to the left never ever ever ever look to the left can’t look to the left...”

(But methinks Teddy’s “Butterballin’” wins.)

I can’t caption it. I can’t top “Butterballin” or “Stuffing the Turkey, Savin’ ur life!”

Cindy realized with dismay that the dead bird on the table wasn’t the only turkey attending Thanksgiving that year.

Stepford Family chooses paper turkey for Thanksgiving!

I’m not sure what’s funnier--the cover itself, or the fact that I’m actually reading this book right now.

captcha is “comes76”...I’m not even goin’ there

I can haz wishbone?

Unfortunately for me, I can’t relate to most of these entries because :

1) there are 4 children in the book

B) the guy on the cover isn’t the “Daddy”

Sorry

Is that a drumstick in your pocket or are you happy to see me?

Turkey turned out kind of dry?
Like colored construction paper you cry?
Housewives need despair no more –
Backdoor loving, holidays galore,
There’s nothing this miracle elixir can’t do
Happy Thanksgiving from us to you
Burma Sauce!

My husband’s contributions:

Garlic Breath, Paper Turkeys and Other Repressed Thanksgiving Memories

Humpin’ at the Kids’ Table

“Stare at Mr. Turkey Until I Say You Can Stop”

Teddypig, you’re brilliant.

If I wish upon this turkey my real parents will come and take me away.

I love Lindz’ “Daddy’s Girlfriend: The Other White Meat”...that one literally made me laugh out loud.

Butterballin is a close second for me.

Darn you Becky for taking “stuffing the turkey, saving its life”! *shakes fist*

Susie had been in a glass eyed state of shock ever since the grown ups started playing the “sit on my lap” game.
----
“Would you like some drippings with your stuffing?”
----
Little did they know that the child ghost that haunted their new home was a total perv.
----
“What’s that, Turkey? You want me to wish them into the cornfield?”

I can’t top TeddyPig’s “Butterballin”. I’m not even going to try!

Now THAT’s a unique place to put the drumstick!

Honey, has anyone ever told you that you smell like .... turkey? Delicious, delicious turkey?

American Dad puts the pumpkin in her pie for Thanksgiving!

Benny! You never told me you had a kid when you were 12! It would explain the umm...oddness, with you not being fully umm… developed.  oh, she isn’t yours.  Is that why she looks photoshopped? (said in the stereotipical head chearleader ditzy voice, to go with the smile)

A Very Alien Thanksgiving

Dirk hoped that surprise buttsex would distract Lenora from the aliens stealing the pumpkin pie and the centerpiece...but he was wrong!

Between the tryptofane in the turkey and the magic mushrooms in the stuffing this was going to be one heckuva Thanksgiving.

Nothing says Thanksgiving like a nice grope in front of the kid!

“And yet they wonder why a disembodied turkey head is my best friend.”

Questions, questions, always the questions!

1. Why is there no actual Food in the picture?
2. What is the child’s right hand doing?
3. Why are they having obviously faux pumpkin?

No, II am wrong, there is butter on the table! So it is, in fact, Teddypig FTW! “Butterballin’”!!!!!

Um… what’s with the Pirate Shirt sleeves on daddums?  And mom looks like she’s wearing a unitard.

It’s a vegetarian ballerina holiday!  Just pumpkins, pumpkin… the only meat at this table is hidden up mommy’s tutu.

Everything would be all right, Dr. Turkey Head assured her. Just a bludgeon from the handy gourds on the table and all the noises during the night would stop…

Little did her parents know but Cindy-Lu had decided to take matters into her own hands. . .

Honey, I don’t think it’s a good idea...yes, I know she’s blind, but still....

“In this house, we like the stuffin’ in the turkey, hon.”

“You bad boy, you!”

“They’re at it again? Go to my happy place. Go to my happy place...”

For this Thanksgiving, I’m thankful that I can photoshop better than the people that made this cover!

Giblets!  Not only do they make wonderful gravy, they also look like silly man bits!

Just a follow up to that comment, my aunt thought for years (into her 50s) that the neck of the turkey that they include in the giblet bag was actually the turkey’s penis.  She had these notes on her recipe card that had a drawing of the neck labeled “penis.”
She’s really conservative, which makes the whole thing hi-larious.

Celebrating their first Thanksgiving on as Americans with the traditional turkey might not have been a good idea. The chemical in it that makes human men fall asleep watching football has a very different effect on their species.

Or my favorite Buffy quote: Happy ritual sacrifice with pie!

I’m horrible at captioning, so I’m just going to list my favorites: Teddy pig’s “Butterballin”, Shiloh’s “Is that a drumstick in your pocket or are you just happy to see me” (very Mae West), and Jessica Anderson’s “I can haz wishbone?”

spam word: piece28 He’s certainly getting a piece and maybe on the 28th he’ll want leftovers

“I’m so glad mommy didn’t have to work at the strip club this Thanksgiving! But who is that guy?”

“Honey, I told you that is not the correct use for the turkey baster!”

And a more *cough* serious caption..."He’s getting ready to gobble up a special thanksgiving dinner.” Okay it wasn’t serious.

“Just a little while longer....I can just see the headline ‘the Texas Turkey Baster Massacre’ - the cops will never suspect a sweet little girl like me....”

My mind immediately went to cannibalism rather than sex, so I’m voting for “Daddy’s Girlfriend: The Other White Meat,” which is much better than my own lame attempt, “Yes honey, this year we’re stuffing Mommy!”

Teddy’s my fav, but I’m gonna try anyway…

“Daddy’s got the big prize, but I still have 7 more chances to win!”

Yeah, Teddypig has got this one wrapped up but I still have to put my two cents in.

Daddy has a Thanksgiving surprise for both of his girls this year.  For little Sally it is a paper turkey, for Mommy...BUTTSECKS!!!

My first thought upon seeing this was the same as Lorelie’s “What-what in the butt”

Becky A’s “Stuffing the turkey, saving its life!” made me lol. 

I vote that Teddypig wins hands down with “butterballin”

And Geronimo strikes again…

My word is can84, but I don’t think I even want to…

Turfucken for dinner again??

Between that and Butterballin, I will never be able to keep a straight face at T-day dinner.

Child:  “Uh oh Mr. Turkey!  Mommy’s Boyfriend is gonna play Hide The Giblets again!”

Man: Mwah!  Holidays make me hornky!
Woman:  Yay!  X-rated groping in front of a child!

Turkey:  Officer, THEY DID IT!!!

Thinking the kid is happily playing with her toy turkey they are unaware that there is actually a hidden camera in the toy and they will later be on You Tube.

Poor, blind Emily—little did she guess how big sis and brother celebrated Thanksgiving!

Funny...looks like she’s showing her paper turkey to someone. Maybe the other tree kids--or the aunts and uncles?

“Hey!  You invited the Waltons to our anal sex shoot!”

“I do not make sounds like a turkey when we have sex!”

“Holly’s show-and-tell project on turkeys is so much better than her condom demonstration!”

Pumpkins- $15
Paper turkey - $5
Turkey- $25
Sex before dinner- Priceless

“Little Girl: My picture was taken off a Little Golden Book cover!”

“Dad came home and all I got was this paper turkey, I didn’t even get a t-shirt!”

“Mmm mmm good, mmm mmm good, thats what paper turkeys are, mmm mmm good!”

Butterballin’
We’re having ham at my house and I thought that was suggestive…

“Save a turkey.Stuff a housewife.”

Jeremy misheard when Miranda told him to “de-bone the tail” As “bone my tail”, and Dayna told him he won the “boner prize”!

Bone Appetit!

“Why is there pork in my tail? and other stories of Thanksgiving Horror!”

“Tom gets ready to produce his special sauce for the table”

“Bone In Turkey- Yer Doin it Wrong!”

get your hands off my mom u big turkey