Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

“tubgirl”

Huh. Why did I take that dare? I hate you, Candy.

“Safe Haven” people look like they’re trying out for “Grease: You’re the One that I Want!”

Gentleman/Cowboy is counting the days until he’s no longer Man of the Month.

Oh wow, that first cover is so very, very gay. I mean, all that sunshine “highlighting” the important bits and “Blaze” right there on the cover. Yeah, it’s flaming, all right.

I sent in a cover that made the cover snark! Wheee!

That last one, is it just me, or does that poor woman look scared of that guy? Even her body language is completely off. It’s like her lower body is trying to pull away from him. And the guy, well, he seems a whole lot more interested in whatever’s down there on the floor than in her, which, she’s probably grateful for.

Word: why75 Yeah, why do these covers get published?

Cover No. 2 looks like it could be used for the sequel to “Bend Over Boyfriend.”

Although he doesn’t seem to be too happy about the entire procedure.

Why oh why oh why did I take your tubgirl dare? Jesus, that disgusting image is burned on my retinas.

Ugh.

I just looked at No. 3 again - has anybody else noticed the guy’s rather prominent bulge?

Maybe he’s looking at the cover of Coming Undone.

I thought everyone knew tubgirl and goatse by now. XD

Also, love the lyrics.

I now spell “wrong” t-u-b-g-i-r-l, because it’s sooo just not right.

And…
Cover snark #1; is it me, or does this picture put a whole new spin on “kiss it where the sun don’t shine”? ‘Cause the location sure aint the ass for this guy.

Homo Obliviens...yeah, that’s on an increasing number of covers.

Cover #1 gives a whole new meaning to the word “tightass.” That grin looks like he’s concentrating very, very hard on not unleashing some Savage Thunder. At least, not until the girl tells him where she bought that flirty little number.

Snark is great, but did we *really* need to bring tubgirl into this?

Perhaps my screen is dusty, but I looked at that first cover and thought, “Whoa, check out those back-o-the-neck fat rolls!”

I got more of a Gabriel Byrne vibe from the last guy…

It just occurred to me, on cover #1, if the sun is setting/rising in front of them, what exactly is reflecting off his ass? That makes no sense.

That’s not a reflection: the sun is actually shining directly out of his ass.

Should have thought twice about dating your hairdresser.

Yep, it’s even a great rule for gay men.

“That’s not a reflection: the sun is actually shining directly out of his ass.”
Ok Charlene - I laughed my non-solar powered rear off at that one.

Coming Ondone (which, by the way, I first read as being authored by STEPHEN TYLER)Shame Smart Bithes, how dare you let such an incredible mullet pass without comment - wait...I asked the husband to come over and describe the awfulness that was sailor boy’s hair (I thought it was one of those mullet’s that ended in a bad permjob, like the one favored by a boy I knew in sixth grade named Andy) hubby said, “Um, I think that’s her other hand.” As I squinted, I asked, “Are you sure?” His reply, “If not, then where would her other hand be?” To which I could only snicker.

Safe Haven - Good call on the Katie story, esp. with that little blurb at the bottom “No turning back...”
And yes, Aidan Quinn did immediately pop into my brain.

Sorry, I realized I made a typo in my previous comment: “Mullet’s” to which I say - I suppose I was going to suggest the mullet (which wasn’t there after all, sob) was a living thing in posession of its bad perm.

Besides, I had to mention that in #2, C&G, the man of the month may not be gay, he’s just pissed that she refuses to do the brown shower with him.  All his buddies at the gym do that with him, why won’t she?  He’s not gay...really.

Check out the chick’s right hand in #1—to me it looks like she’s in the middle of transforming into a swamp thing.

#2 makes me think the heroine made off with a department-store mannequin in a fit of something—“he” just doesn’t seem terribly flexible.

#3-guy was just overwhelmed with fatigue and is propping himself against the door taking a nap.

Tubgirl!!?

What’s next!  Meatspin, goatse, The Gallery of Regrettable Food! ;)

I’m hearing The Village People sing “In the Navy” for the first cover.

“Jose Cuervo” goes with the second one “Who’s this girl and why’s she licking my back?”

and “Muscrat Love” for the third.  Seems to fit.

Tubgirl. See, I miss out on these things. Then I come here and have my eyes burned out. Curiosity… cat… ick.

Safe Haven: No… how YOU doin’?

I think I’ve got it: the second guy is either the cowboy OR the gentleman, not both.  The romance is actually between the cowboy and the gentleman of the title.  The woman on the cover actually only appears briefly, early in the story, before the two meet.

The chick on that last one looks EXACTLY like a 15 years younger version of my daughter’s kindegarten teacher.  Judging from the clothes they are wearing I would say that is about how old that cover is.  I wonder if she would introduce me to Aiden Quinn if I asked nicely?

Tubgirl?  No thanks, I know better than to take up the SBs on a dare. I haven’t forgotten Peter Pan.

And I liked the alternative lyrics.  They scanned so well!

Ah crap - I’m reading the cover snark while my hormones are in high gear and I think that guy number 1 has a really nice body.

Why are all the good ones gay?

Am I the only one concerned by the fact that there must be two suns on planet Blaze? How else to explain the highlights and shadows of COMING UNDONE?

Estelle is right, #2 is so Brokeback Mountain!

As for #3, I’m pretty sure she’s looking at him like he’s just told her about his plans to take over the world through Spam, and now she must find a Safe Haven!

my word is “lay65” something none of these women is actually doing with any of these men.

I think the girl in number two is the mannequin. Where is her lower body?

I’m sorry, but the girl’s hand on the guy’s neck in number one cover is wrong, oh so very wrong.

I thought the Safe Haven guy looked more like Sly Stallone before he got fat.

There’s an ad for Coming Undone over at Romancing the Blog that’s been driving me bonkers for weeks. Glad to know I’m not the only one disturbed by his shiny, shiny butt.

The man on cover #1’s butt is flashing SOS signals to get him away from Swamp Girl. You know, like in those 50’s navy flicks.

Cover #2’s man is such a gentleman that he allows his girl to get her nape-sniff turn on, even though it does nothing for him, as you can clearly see by his expression.

She: Your nape smells like baby powder… It makes me hot!

He: Psh. Yeah. Whatever. Let me know when your done so my little man can play.

And, well, cover #3 was mine, so… I’ll have to go with my initial reaction.

Man: I’m blind, so let me see if I can tell who this is by feeling up her locks.

She: Who is this man, and why is he fondling my hair? Stop or I’ll smack you, creepazoid!

Are you sure that’s her hand on the back of Mr. Coming Undone’s neck? It still looks like a very badly photoshopped mullet to me. Either that, or her hand has been slammed in more than four or five doors in a row.

And the chick’s legs on cover 2 are along the outside of Mr. Disinterested’s. She really needs to eat something, particularly if she’s going to be bumpin’ uglies with him--something in his petulant expression tells me he can take his frustrations out on her in physical fashion, rather like a three year old boy throwing cars when it’s naptime.

Book three? Yeah. Dometic violence is NOT romance. How many times do we have to tell the publishers?

Can’t get past “Losing control is the ultimate rush” out his ass.  Bwahahahahahahahahaha.  Gasp.  AAAAAhahahahahahahaha.  Repeat.

And damn you for Tubgirl.  Did not need to know that the liquid in question was actually orange juice.  However, am now bookmarking that picture for when my sons start getting interested in extra-friendly relations with girls.

Oh, great gods! I just had to take that dare, didn’t I?! And then proceeded to click on links such as ‘goatse’ and ‘eelgirl’. *shudders*

Does anyone else think guy #2 looks like a younger version of Prince Humperdinck from “Princess Bride”?
Maybe it’s just the hair…