Dirtyquantummechanicsjokesdoneright

by Candy Wednesday, September 26, 2007 at 09:35 AM

Today’s Questionable Content made me laugh so hard, I’m pretty sure I herniated something--but then, I’m a sucker for stupid quips involving Schrödinger’s cat.

(Any of you who want to write a romance novel with a geek hero and need research on how nerds think and operate, but don’t happen to have live specimens handy, you could do worse than check out the archives of Questionable Content. Also, XKCD.)

Some title ideas for nerd porn erotic romance:

Physics
The G-String Theory
The Rake’s Superpositioned Eigenstates
Entangled Beast
Collapsing the Virgin Mistress’ Wavefunction
His Supercollider

Biology
Unnatural Selection
Descending His Manhood

Chemistry
His Latent Heat

Mathematics
Populating Her Null Set

General Scientific Principles
Shaving with Occam’s Razor
Karl’s Popper

Damn, I can’t believe I’m not coming up with more for chemistry and biology. Updates as they’re warranted, and post your best (for certain values of “best,” anyway) efforts in the comments.

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Comments

Picture of Jules Jones Jules Jones said on...
09.26.07 at 10:23 AM |

[snickers]

I’m tempted to steal some of those titles…

security word: perform12—no further comment necessary

Picture of Lucinda Betts Lucinda Betts said on...
09.26.07 at 10:31 AM |

Gene Poole wrote Originating the Species…

Picture of --E --E said on...
09.26.07 at 11:40 AM |

Avagadro’s Laboratory Adventure--an orgy of 6.02 x 10^23 strippers and the man who loves them.

Planck’s Constant Love--Energy isn’t the only thing that comes in discrete packets.

Apparently I’m better at coming up with pun-related plot descriptions than actual titles. This is how you know I’m an actual geek.

Picture of plainjane said on...
09.26.07 at 11:43 AM |

Weird...this is the 2nd time this week that I’ve run across Schrodinger’s Cat.  First was on the I Can Has Cheezburger site and now here.  My two favorite sites!

Picture of EAP said on...
09.26.07 at 12:09 PM |

The Billionaire Boss§s Big Bang

Sweet Savagë Plate Tectonics - Their earth moved, in slooooow time.

Rotordynamics from the Heart

The Virgin Sheikh§s Archimedes Screw

(apologies for wonky punctuation—+čžř/(! Czech keyboards)

Picture of Joanna said on...
09.26.07 at 12:17 PM |

What about “Dawrin’s Damsel: Ape Misbehavin’”?

*snert*

Picture of Joanna said on...
09.26.07 at 12:19 PM |

I meant DARWIN, not Dawrin...stupid keyboard on the stupid ancient computer at school!

Picture of KeiraSoleore KeiraSoleore said on...
09.26.07 at 12:44 PM |

Loved, loved those quantum physics comics. What a hoot. And your romantica titles? Har, har, har.

Picture of Kay Webb Harrison said on...
09.26.07 at 01:06 PM |

Um, there is a book called “Unnatural Selection.” It’s a mystery by Aaron Elkins, part of his Gideon Oliver, the Bone Doctor, series.
Kay

Picture of Becca said on...
09.26.07 at 01:27 PM |

Have you seen LOLTheorists?

http://community.livejournal.com/loltheorists

make sure you page through the archives: some of the best ones are hidden on interior pages.

Picture of Sara said on...
09.26.07 at 01:42 PM |

Well, there’s this nerdy, NERDY Biochem joke: If I were and enzyme, I would be DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes

Cell Bio: Is that an actin filiment in your cytosol, or are you just happy to see me? 

Math: I wish I was your derivitive, so I could lie tangent to your curves

Organic Chem: Allosteric inhibitors do it from behind

Annnd… that’s all I can remember right now. As for titles, they would take more work for me to think of right now, and I need to go study pharmacology!

A *great* nerd comic: http://www.phdcomics.com

Picture of Teddy Pig Teddy Pig said on...
09.26.07 at 01:43 PM |

Confessions of a Möbius Stripease

Picture of Vienna Mars Vienna Mars said on...
09.26.07 at 02:12 PM |

I’m an astronomy buff, so…

Hydrogen-alpha Males
Aureola Borealis
Oh Be A Fine Girl, Kiss Me (this one just writes itself!)
A Degenerate Matter
Gravitons of Fun
The Duke’s Excited State

Picture of Ann Bruce Ann Bruce said on...
09.26.07 at 03:22 PM |

Hey, come there’s nothing about slave and master servers?  How about the dongles?  C’mon, people!

Picture of memorycharm memorycharm said on...
09.26.07 at 04:38 PM |

Don’t forget astronomy!  His Very Large Array

Picture of Yvonne Yvonne said on...
09.26.07 at 04:42 PM |

Oh Becca! LOLTheorists!
Sparkles, balloons and stars, you made my sad day better!

kthxs,
Yvonne

Picture of Guppy06 Guppy06 said on...
09.26.07 at 04:53 PM |

You mean nobody’s mentioned “quantum tunneling” yet?

Picture of chur chur said on...
09.26.07 at 05:08 PM |

Well, these actually are titles from my Chemistry textbooks and my friends and I always thought themn naughty:

Heat and Mass Transfer
Mecanica de fluidos (sounds better in Spanish)
can’t remember the others right now, I’ll consult with my pals…

chur

Picture of Jenny Jenny said on...
09.26.07 at 05:37 PM |

Oh. My. Word.

I am very glad I wasn’t drinking anything, because it would have come OUT MY NOSE.

Now I’m trying desperately to come up with my own…

There are always the standard “do it” jokes:

Physicists do it a quantum at a time.
Physicists do it at the speed of light.
Cosmologists do it in the first three minutes.
Mathematical physicists understand the theory of how to do it, but have difficulty obtaining practical results.
Quantum physicists can either know how fast they do it, or where they do it, but not both.
Particle physicists do it energetically.
Particle physicists to it with charm.
Aerodynamicists do it in drag.
Astrophysicists do it with a Big Bang.
Astronomers do it all night.
Astronomers do it in clusters.
Astronomers do it on mountain tops.
Astronomers do it with white dwarfs and red giants.

I’ll add:
Medical physicists do it in fractions.
Medical physicists do it on the table.
Medical physicists do it with doctors, nurses, therapists, dosimetrists…

(Word ver: for68 - so close, yet so far!)

Picture of Jenny Jenny said on...
09.26.07 at 06:05 PM |

And, oh, this comic kills me:

http://www.angryflower.com/schrod.gif

Picture of Jenny Jenny said on...
09.26.07 at 06:06 PM |

Oops, that was just supposed to be the URL to the comic.  Weird.

It’s from http://www.angryflower.com/

Picture of Wry Hag Wry Hag said on...
09.26.07 at 08:46 PM |

* Foucault’s Swingin’ Pendulum
* Tomita and the Testicle Accelerator (I think this is manga yaoi BDSM, but don’t quote me on that.)

Picture of Sally said on...
09.26.07 at 09:20 PM |

A few chemistry (more specifically, spectroscopy) titles:

-Stimulated Emissions

-In Her Excited State

-Vibrational Relaxation

You missed a major source for research into nerds: http://www.phdcomics.com
This qualifies as the lifeline of dejected graduate students everywhere.

Although XKCD comic # 289 does qualify as the best comic on nerd romance I’ve ever seen…

Picture of Sally said on...
09.26.07 at 09:29 PM |

Oops; I see that Sara had already given the phdcomics link-sorry! 

BTW, Catherine Asaro, who is trained in chemical physics and writes SF/romance, has a whole bunch of chemistry terms woven into “Quantum Rose”.  And she provides a commentary at the end to explain them.  I wasn’t personally thrilled with how it worked out in that book, but it was an interesting effort.

Picture of Sally said on...
09.26.07 at 09:53 PM |

Also,

Electric Attraction

Bound States (Love in the Potential Well)

Charged Interactions

Rainbows and Glory: A Rotational Romance

Hot Fusion

Hmmm.  Better go now; I’m enjoying this far too much…

Picture of Sally said on...
09.26.07 at 10:55 PM |

Erk; I can’t help myself.

His Dominant Genes

Flash Point: Their explosive chemistry

Triple Point (menage a trois)

State of Confinement (The lover in the box problem)

Top and Bottom: A quarky romance

Picture of Lucinda Betts Lucinda Betts said on...
09.27.07 at 04:56 AM |

The Sexual Lives of Savages. Oh, wait. That’s already taken.

Picture of Manon Manon said on...
09.27.07 at 06:14 AM |

Nobody’s mentioned combustion yet?

Wikipedia lists a whole series: Complete Combustion, Turbulent Combustion, Smoldering Combustion…

Picture of Charis said on...
09.27.07 at 06:21 AM |

For math: Taylor Expanded

Picture of jocelynnesimone said on...
09.27.07 at 12:42 PM |

How about for linguistics? Afterall, we are all ‘cunning linguists’… har har

Voicing her Fricatives
Grimes’ Lay

And… drum rol…

Sin Tactics

Picture of jocelynnesimone said on...
09.27.07 at 12:51 PM |

And one more because I can’t help myself…

His Underlying Form

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