You all know why I am linking to this page. Yes, because I am all about Star Jones.
Wait, no, no I am not. She scares the shit out of me. If I was at one end of a dark alley and she were at the other, nothing except Chuck Norris on my right would compel me to walk into the alley. Wait, do alleys have two ends? Or is an alley really a dead-end concept? Either way, it’s not Star Jones or Paula Abdul I’m linking to.
It’s this:
The Fabio versus George Clooney fight may finally be over, as gorgeous George admits potential defeat. It all started last November when the two men shared some choice words at a Beverly Hills restaurant. Later Fabio told Details magazine, “(George) laid a hand on me, so it would have been self-defense if I had beaten him down.†The 6-foot-3, 230-pound romance cover boy insisted, “I could have f—-ed him up. Oh my god, I could have beaten the s—t out of him.†In the upcoming issue of Esquire, George responds. “Yeah, that’s probably true.†He said, “(Fabio’s) a big guy. There is a moment when you are actually in the argument and you’re thinking, ‘If I do get beaten down by Fabio, that will be far worse than the pain. I wouldn’t shake that.’â€
Graceful curtsey to Diane for the link.
And, in news related to Urban Fantasy, I hear word that Romantic Times has invited a UF author, Ilona Andrews, to participate in their Ask the Author series – which is, according to my knowledgeable source, ‘a sure sign of the inroads UF is making into the romance-reading public.’ Visitors can ask questions in the RT forum though you have to register first. Either way – the Urban Fantasy, it is everywhere. I’m still pleased about that.
And finally – oh joy, oh joy, oh what the crapping damn, the Harlequin Romance Report for 2008 has been released. This year: Confessions! Devoted to the “secrets of men and women around the world.”
I have to say, there are few things that befuddle me more than Harlequin. On one hand: every title is an eBook. That’s hands down smack your grandma brilliant.
On the other hand: they release reports that seem to invite and involve the reader in the business of romance in such a way that almost demands the reader relate personally to each and every item that emerges from HQ HQ.
Most publishers who issue a “report” preface it with the word “annual” and probably use words like “EBITDA.” Harlequin? They want to know if I receive sexually explicit text messages, or if I let myself go while in a relationship, like refraining from shaving my legs. According to their own description, the report is
intended to engage readers and the broader public in discussions about where romance is headed. The Report is distributed worldwide and presented in true magazine format complete with colour photos and articles covering topics such as hot travel destinations, celebrity rankings and romantic tips and advice.
What the…? It’s as if Harlequin is a full body experience, in addition to (or instead of) a corporation. They have the fiction issues each month, and now, alongside those books, there’s the nonfiction invitation to confess and participate in their version of the annual report, which alerts readers to the top male celebrity tell-all books we most want to read – number uno being Perez Hilton. (Oh, HELL no.)
After that side trip to the bizarre, there’s more: like the playlist of confessional tunes (and, also, Lindsay Lohan has a SONG? Oh, HELL no, hell NO.) which, if purchased, benefit Big Brothers, Big Sisters.
I think Perez Hilton might best symbolize the bizarre cat-chasing-its-tail logic of the entire HQ Report enterprise, which is one big what-the-fuck to me. He’s famous because he’s one of the people making celebrities more famous. He’s a celebrity because he reports on celebrities.
So as romance authors slowly become celebrities in their own right, Harlequin takes that increase a step further and brings readers into the limelight, even virtually. Harlequin readers don’t just read romances. Harlequin’s efforts to involve readers in multiple romance purchases, from music to paperbacks to ebooks to podcasts with editors, and in multiple venues of interacting with the publishing house not as place of business but place to hang out virtually, reinforces a primary involvement on the part of romance readers who previously (unless they review romances online, ahem) were largely a passive audience. With the HQ report, readers become more than readers because they read.
If the whole package weren’t so damn silly, it’d be brilliant. Or perhaps it’s brilliant merely because of the silly alone. Harlequin positions itself as The Central Location for everything romance. I just wish that the silly weren’t piled on like 6” of icing on a 1” cake. If the HQ Romance report were plotted on the New York Magazine Approval Matrix, it’d probably be far far left and far far
down
up: Lowbrow and Brilliant. Or maybe despicable.
Because I am embarrassingly proud of my man-titty photoshopping skillz, I just have to post my homage to the Fabio/Clooney chicken fight. I hope this link works…
You know, that’s actually a pretty classy response from George. Sounds like he’s laughing at himself and the situation in general.
my word: serious39. The spam filter is a person, isn’t it? One with his or her own bizarre sense of humour.
OMG Victoria! I’m jealous! You got mad SKILLZ, gurl! Srsly!
That pic made me snort my sweet tea!
I’m glad their drama is over. I’m also happy for Star Jones. Srsly…keeping a man for 3 years must have been difficult for her (although it sounds like he was only in it for the money). I’m happy UF is making inroads into romance…so long as it steadily improves the pool of great writers I have to read from. And lastly, I’m happy for the conglom that is Harlequin, even though it frightens me beyond belief.
I avoid Harlequin, although I’m sure I read books published by them (I don’t read the little Harlequin Presents, though…they’re just way too short), because they’re just SUCH a symbol of the old-school bon-bon eating housewife stereotype to me.
Am I the only one? According to my spamword, there is evidence to the contrary…evidence59.
RSewie, I’d be even more impressed with myself if I’d remembered to photoshop water into the space under Fabio’s arms. Ah, well. Despite my skillz, I am a mere mortal. The Clooney nipplz distracted me, I think.
S’ok, though! I thought they were leaning on a rock or something on the beach.
Damn distracting man-titties!
Victoria…wow, thanks for sharing those mad skills. I can’t figure out how to instert a pic, much less phototshop one.
RSewie…so relieved to know I’m not the only reader who finds Harlequin scary.
So Big Gay Al got caught?
Slick, Vic! So lucky for me I can’t afford Photoshop. A toy that much fun is bound to disrupt work and sleep patterns…big time.
Thank you so much for mentioning me and RT shindig!
Victoria: Oh. Dear. God.
On a vaguely related note, has anyone been to HQ HQ? I was wondering if they have a factory outlet type store there, where you can buy back issues that didn’t sell for cheap or something, cuz I am highly broke.
spamfilter: zebra23 wait, I didn’t know Zebra was a HQ line too? Do they own EVERYBODY?
Well, I write for Harlequin (yes, even Harlequin Presents!) and the Romance Report bewilders me. It’s so glossy and big and pretty looking, and I don’t even get what it’s for. The first time I received one I was expecting sale figures and market news, not ‘What’s Hot and What’s Not’ about sex and romance. It looks like it costs quite a bit of money to put out, so its purpose must have been researched and documented as being useful… I guess.
Kate
Nope, Zebra is Kensington, the last big, independent NY publisher.
Sigh. A self-deprecating sense of humor. While Fabio sounds like an eight-year-old.
I heart Clooney.
Victoria… all that man-titty and George Clooney’s nipples definitely distracted me from the lack of under-Fabio-water. I didn’t notice it until you mentioned it. The photo is brilliant. I am still hyperventilating from laughter. Thank you for sharing it!
I’m so glad I’m not the only one who’s a complete sucker for self-deprecation. A completely normal man can become an irresistible sexual being to me with just the right amount of self-deprecating humor. Mmm.
Wry Hag, YES… stay away from the Photoshop! You wouldn’t believe how much time that sucked out of my life, though it was all fun. I’m currently trying to resist the urge to Photoshop Fareed Zakaria into some hot Pasha garb. Rowr!
Thank you, SB Sarah, for giving me a place to share my wasted time with the world!!!
I was weaned on Harlequin/M&B, but so few of their books call to me, you begin to wonder if these surveys scew the themes to their books and as only those willing to respond must be slightly… I can’t think of a polite way to say it, is this the underlying reason for the quality of the house’s books.
Also SB Sarah, thanks to you and Candy for the lovely blog, and I get left and right mixed up all the time, but if something is far far left and far far down in the “NY Magazine Approval Ratings” wouldn’t it be despicable and lowbrow?
word shall92: shall read my way through the next 92 comments? Only if I get no sleep.
Oh come on! Sheik ur booty.
You know you want to be George Clooney’s secret baby… I mean, Secret Sarah.
George…
Grab his flowing locks.
Give one good yank forward while you deliver a solid upperpunch to the nose and then a couple of kidney shots to finish him off
Viola.
Fabio’s is your bitch.
Worked for me in the fifth grade against Douglas Spensor.
The little creep.
I was just at the HQ confessions site.
It’s sad, not spicy. I need a shower now. (not in a good way)
Though, damn, I wish I read spanish!
Victoria, I bow to you!
Jeez, you ought to send that to Clooney. I bet he’d laugh his suave and classy ass off.
Victoria the Fug Girls at gofugyourself.com are HUGE Clooney fans and I bet they’d love to have that pic too.
I’m with Kate…the HQ Report is very confusing. Is it a magazine, is it an actual report? It seems like it’s trying to be something of a newsletter about the HQ reading community, but wouldn’t there be a better name for it? Although, as we’ve seen with cover snarks, titles have never really been HQ’s strong point. Maybe we should make some gentle suggestions for a different title.
Victoria, I bow to you!
Gah! Nora, can I put that on my next book? ROFL
Thanks, everyone. You’ve all made the wasted hours worth it.
Btw, after all the copyright issues, does anyone know if this constitutes fair use? Not that anyone on the web seems to care much about this stuff these days, but I bet there are some experts here.
Btw, after all the copyright issues, does anyone know if this constitutes fair use?
Er, I meant the Photoshopped pic, NOT stealing Nora’s props for my own nefarious purposes.
Aaaannd Clooney wins my heart once again. Damn the man for being so self-depracating and charming.
God Clooney is a class act, and funny as all get out. Fabio? Not so much.
Always 84? I hop the hell not!
Victoria—brilliant!
And on the subject of Lindsay Lohan singing… I have no idea how much of the recording is improved in the studio engineering, but she did a song for the remake of Freaky Friday that I lurve. Yes, I confess, I like a Lindsay Lohan song! ::shame::
Come on, the studio hired really good songwriters and studio musicians. I’m not digging it for the singer.
Love love love the picture, Victoria!
I heart George Clooney, too! I just read some more excerpts from his Esquire interview. I can’t decide which of these three are my favorites:
or
You can see the whole blurb (not the interview) at http://entertainment.msn.com/movies/hotgossip/3-10-08_3