Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

On the ebay page: 1 bidder, User ID private. That you, Sarah?

*falls over giggling*

‘Ricardo’ the incubus?!

Auction ended early with buy it now ... $74.99, but it feels tawdry somehow to put a price on this thing we have with Ricardo. 

I don’t like the word “pouch.”

Oh. My. Goddess.  I think my brain just broke. 

Why do you do this to me, Sarah?  I had stuff to accomplish today, and now my mind is filled (ewwww) with Ricardo the Incubus Spirit Nymph! (Wait, aren’t those three different things?  Which one is he, then?)

Per dictionary.com:
nymph /nɪmf/ –noun
1. one of a numerous class of lesser deities of mythology, conceived of as beautiful maidens inhabiting the sea, rivers, woods, trees, mountains, meadows, etc., and frequently mentioned as attending a superior deity. 
2. a beautiful or graceful young woman. 
3. a maiden. 
4. the young of an insect that undergoes incomplete metamorphosis. 

in·cu·bus /ˈɪnkyəbəs, ˈɪŋ-/ [in-kyuh-buhs, ing-] –noun, plural -bi/-ˌbaɪ/ [-bahy] -bus·es.
1. an imaginary demon or evil spirit supposed to descend upon sleeping persons, esp. one fabled to have sexual intercourse with women during their sleep. Compare succubus (def. 1). 
2. a nightmare. 
3. something that weighs upon or oppresses one like a nightmare. 

So, Ricardo the trapped, enslaved (and oh-so-happy about it, I’m sure) spirit is either a hermaphrodite or an incompletely metamorphized insect from someone’s nightmare. 

Now that’s sexy!

market15--how appropo!

Ricardo had me at 7.5!  Imagine my disappointment when I realized this measurement did not mean what I thought it meant.

Oh, and by the way, that first picture of Ricardo with the shorter hair looks a bit like Milo Ventimiglia from Heroes (check out http://innerjoejoe.files.wordpress.com/2007/10/mvscans001-1.png).

Well, first I was so relieved to read not quite half way down the page that Ricardo is not a vampire!  And then to see that he is “paramornal”.  Is that a paranormal paramour?  And he comes with a recharging pouch?  What more does a girl (or boy) need?

Eeek! Warn a bitch about the scary-ass music on that ebay page! Who knew Ricardo was really a bad midi file?

Whoa, I read a little too fast in the beginning and thought you were offering me a ring that contained Colin Firth. I was all “I know what I’m getting my sister for her birthday!” Oh well. Maybe I’ll send her Ricardo instead. He sounds friendly. He’ll pleasure a straight man sexually, if you want. It’s not gay if the other guy’s a sucubus!

eBay is LOADED with similar listings in their “Metaphysical” category--haunted jewelry, diabolical dolls, magical mirrors, cursed accordions, you name it.  A lot of this stuff, which often commands pretty impressive prices, comes with stories that are paragraphs-long. 

Frankly, I don’t know whether to be amused or appalled by these elaborate cons, but they do make for an entertaining diversion.

Now I love me some Colin Firth (love!), but I’m more than a little frightened at the concept of seeing him in tight spandex trying to sing.  I’m not sure if my love is strong enough to take on that image - egads!

Nicolae, made himself known right away! “WOW” Outstanding Seller, amazing! tranquility6924 ( 29) Oct-12-07 18:16
Follow-up by tranquility6924 (Oct-15-07 19:24):
Every woman should own an Incubus, OMG thats all I can say, left me dumbfounded.

—
Yeah...that’s a direct quote from one of her “satisfied” (snort, snort) customers.

Oh, this made my entire WEEK! 

gives62...62 what?  Oh, Ricardo, the suspense!

I just can’t wrap my mind around the fact that someone saw that ebay auction and thought to him/herself--"yeah! I’ll buy it now!” It’s a scary world we live in!

talk21--yeah, I’d rather talk than do laundry today!

It took 8 hours to cast the spell “correctly”? So what...are there other rings out there with nymph incubuses that don’t have the correct spell? Is there Leonardo the incubus nymph that only satisfies himself? Or Phillippe the incubus nymph that has a headache?

This provided a much needed laugh today!

I loves me some Colin Firth, but . . . whose grandmother’s living room is he sitting in?  And what is with that lamp?

I wondered why my blog traffic was up. Thanks for the shout out, Janet and Smart Bitches! My favorite part was how resizing the ring wouldn’t hurt Ricardo’s powers.

There is a crapload of this stuff out there. I feel like I’ve tapped into the mother load of craziness to riff on. I’ve also blogged about death-trap snowmobiles from the 50s, and humorously shaped root vegetables with the power to grow your bidness.

I know Esri was too shy to tell you, but when she gets the ring (does the USPS guy have a good time with Ricardo en route? Or should that be root?) she will blog frequently about Ricardo’s prowess, so check her blog often.

And personally I wouldn’t mind inviting Colin Firth into my gorgeous facets.

(military29--yes sir!

I checked out the section the auction comes from.
There’s a Haunted Harem Jinn bottle (I think they spelled Jinn wrong) but I’m going back for the Voodoo Sock Monkey.
http://tinyurl.com/29swkc

“Ricardo” the incubus: for fuck’s sake!
Colin Firth in tights: me wants!

Janet, I’m happy to say that Sherry doesn’t miss a trick. The ring is protected en route by its “special pouch.” Presumably the UPS guy gets only a slight feeling of well-being, or possibly the urge to visit the back of the truck for some “package stacking.”

Haunted Harem Jinn bottle?  I don’t know about that.  Sounds like someone’s been hitting the gin bottle a little too hard.

Whoever is selling Richardo has never met an exclamation point they didn’t like. Wow. I like the part about invoking the power of three and clarifying that Richardo is NOT a vampire. heheheh.

Darn it, I lost the opportunity to ask for Ricardo for my upcoming birthday.  I wonder how hubby would react if I blew all our savings on the opportunity to drool over Colin Firth in person?  Surely that would be the *perfect* gift for my 45th birthday?

Rich Corinthian rubies?

A size 7.5? You’re not doing it right.

>Whoa, I read a little too
>fast in the beginning and
>thought you were offering
>me a ring that contained
>Colin Firth.

I thought the auction was for an orgasm courtesy of Colin Firth.  Now THAT I’m down with.

boys94 lol

Sorry, I can’t respect an incubus named Ricardo. *LOL* Oh wait… the red zirconia is named Ricardo? Hmm… I didn’t know people named their jewelry.

I was reading the feedback of the seller and a buyer says:

“When I put it on, my bipolar rage eased tremendously.”

Fuckin fantastic.  Ricardo’s nocturnal orgasms cure bipolar rage.  Ricardo, you are the shit!

I also read that as Colin Firth is a sexual incubus wanting to give me multiple orgasms… Or maybe that’s just what I wanted it to say.

Does anyone else use a terrible Spanish accent in their head when reading the name ‘Ricardo’?

If this isn’t a reason to want to become a big bestseller, I don’t know what is.  Oh, I mean Colin Firth, btw.

Did no one catch him shaking his groove thing in tight leather pants in WHAT A GIRL WANTS?  Oh, yeah.  I want.  I loved Mamma Mia on Broadway.  Serious fun.  Can’t wait for the film.

“Reecarrrrrrrrrrrdo… For my fahntaseee, plees to bring me Cohlin Feerth!”

Damn the smileys don’t work for me.

Well, I’d be livid if I were any kind of Faerie or Scary stuck in thrid-calss rings being auctioned off to the naive unsuspecting public.

That shit would be far far far below my dignity.

How’d she trap’em? I don’t believe for a moment that Ricardo is a power name. Nope, just doesn’t do it for me.

Did any of you read some of those spells or take a look at her grandmother’s ring? Why is she selling her grandmother’s ring? I had a grandmother like that with a ring like that, it stays in my family....

Ya’ll, it doesn’t matter what plane of existence you’re on, Mistress Sarah’s claims and products are so not believable.

But they are sure-as-hell funny.

Esri - Exactly!

I vants the Cohlin Ferth in the tight pahntssss.

Josie: I’ve contacted Sherry of Sherry’s Enchantments, asking if she’d imbue a ring with an sexual demon named “Colin.”

If she will, I’ll have a drawing for it on my blog. I thought of asking her to do Trini Lopez, but turns out Trini is still very much alive. Of course, so is Colin, but the man has to sleep sometime, right? And then he is at the ring’s mercy! Bwahahahahaha!

D’oh! That italics tag was me. Let’s see if I can do it. Testing..

And people spend money on stuff like this.  You know, sometimes I think we
DESERVE the downfall of civilization!  And then I remember to take my meds.

When I got to the part about the recharging pouch, I laughed so hard I scared the dogs.

Oh, and as far as I’m concerned, if Colin Firth will put on some spandex for me, he doesn’t have to sing!

COLIN FIRTH!!!

Swoon…

I like the fine print:
Seller is not responsible for any activities which may or may not occur as a result of the purchase of this item. [...] Finally, avoid negativity of any kind as it can also block spells & blessings.

Uh-huh. Very reassuring.

(Also, wtf is with In Loving Memory Of My Sweet Niece “Nadia”? Who makes a memorial for their niece out of an eBay page hawking a succubus/nymph in a ring? o.0)

“‘Ricardo’” is a tall, dark, and handsome as he is Latin, so one could assume his Love Making skills are Very Powerful, being a Latin Lover.”

What, what, what?

This sentence needs to be buried under heavy things so as not to frighten future generations.

Geez… I’d be pretty ticked off if I was a highly powerful incubus sexpot stuck in a ring that went for a piddly $11…

Spam word: per56 - orgasms per hour?

An incubus is also a nymph?

**giggles**

I am SO using that in a future book. The demons’ll get a kick out of that. When they’re not busy puking up a lung out of laughing so hard, that is…

ASTONISHINGLY, Sherry of Sherry’s Enchantments has a “Colin” spirit she can put in a ring for me. I think she gets to tweak his form, so I’ve given her some suggestions, and will be having a drawing for the resulting item on my website, EsriRose.com. I’m asking that Sherry post the ring as a Buy It Now item so I still get the fabulous sale page.

The “Genie” model was wearing tighty-whities—doesn’t that seem, well, anachronistic? I expect genies to be shrouded in a vague colored mist or something, not CK briefs.

I’ve got a shocking epiphany for the winner of “Ricardo”: it’s not the Incubus Spirit Nymph in the Ring that’s going to do the job; it’s the finger to which the ring is attached. 

I’m just sayin’ ...