Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

Well, the UK cover model is painfully thin and the guy is a little ... hirsute, but I do take your point, Sarah. I’m in the UK and I’ve noticed that our covers (by and large: the exception for me is the Black Dagger Brotherhood series) are better. Combined with what they’re doing to the titles… I don’t know. There are some rather unflattering conclusions that could be drawn, which I’m trying to avoid because I don’t think they’re right or fair.

I know covers are a hot topic, and we’ve been over this before, but I guess I want to say that I take your point and I find it kind of sad too.

Onto the book: I’ve been reading a couple of Presents recently and really not liking the old-school feel to them. But I think authors like Julie Cohen, Natalie Anderson etc are bringing a younger, slightly more contemporary tone to the line and it certainly appeals to me.

You’ve convinced me to actually buy a Presents—I don’t think I’ve done that since I was a teenager.

I 100% agree with you about the titles, Sarah. I especially “love” the US cover with the window and the rolling green hills and fields that extend beyond the luxuriously made bed.

If the book takes place in Manhattan in the great aunt’s apartment...well...yeah. No rolling green hills. You couldn’t even lie and pretend it’s central park. Because it’s not.

So red man-hands + humungoid thumb + World’s Most Likely to be Mugged Cab Driver + strange bizarro world Manhattan = horrible cover.

I’ve been reading a couple of Presents recently and really not liking the old-school feel to them. But I think authors like Julie Cohen, Natalie Anderson etc are bringing a younger, slightly more contemporary tone to the line and it certainly appeals to me.

But Meriam, this isn’t from the Presents line. The M&B Modern Heat/Harlequin Presents Collections novels are a separate line which is being sold in a strange way so that at times the books seem to be disguised as M&B Moderns/Harlequin Presents even though they aren’t.

I’m not sure what the marketing strategy is behind that. The guidelines for the line are here.

But Meriam, this isn’t from the Presents line. The M&B Modern Heat/Harlequin Presents Collections novels are a separate line which is being sold in a strange way so that at times the books seem to be disguised as M&B Moderns/Harlequin Presents even though they aren’t.

Yeah, I know in the UK authors like Cohen and Anderson (and Napier?) etc have a separate (but difficult to tell apart) line… but aren’t they being sold as Presents in the US? It’s confusing.

Yeah, but look at the arms on the UK guy!!  That’s a lot of hair.  And frankly, they look like two teenagers necking.  Never a pretty sight.

I get your point about the US chick’s hands, though!  Whoa!!  Freaky.

Interesting analysis, as usual.  I confess, I don’t read a great deal of category romance. Thanks for tipping me off to a writer I’ll want to check out!

The US version’s dude has biceps way out of proportion than the rest of his body, like implants OR he is a lefty and was alone for many years before he “took” her.

The UK cover seems a little YA reminisent of “Sweet Valley High” type books but it is colorful and I think his hairy arms are sexy, shows he has TESTOSTERONE and doesn’t spend half his paycheck for waxes.

The synopsis sounds interesting enough to read. I rarely buy harlequins new because I’ll read one in 30 -45 minutes and it doesn’t seem worth the retail price , I get them at the UBS for 90 cents. Yes, I am a cheapass.

I haven’t bought a category romance in over 20 years and I wouldn’t even give this book with this cover and this title a second look until I read your review.  Now I’m definately going to be on the look out for it.

One other thing about the cover, I notice that the UK version is done in primary colors and sharply-defined lines and the US version is all pastel and soft focus.  Is that because in the UK it’s marketed under the Modern Romance Extra line while the it’s marketed under Harlequin Presents/Nights of Passion line here?  That is, is it a function of the visual shorthand that the publishers use to identify its various lines or is it just another layer of chiffon from the US publisher’s marketing department?

but aren’t they being sold as Presents in the US? It’s confusing.

In the US I think they’re being sold as “Presents Collections.” And yes, it’s really confusing because (a) they’re not collections of previous HP novels, and (b) they’re often re-titled to give them a more HP-type title.

I dunno. The US cover is clearly a generic throwaway. However, the UK cover looks like another case of the junior designer stealing people’s Flickr photos.

Plus I don’t see any short, blond hair here either, only long dark hair. And that’s just the forearms.

The guy on the U.S. cover looks like Brad the Cad Carlton from The Young and the Restless. Guess Zoe drove her cab all the way to Genoa City, Wisc.!

And I haven’t read a category romance in a few years and am seriously tempted to pick this one up, even if the heinous cover will make me weep with shame.

I’m not wild about the UK cover, but the US one reeks.

another case of the junior designer stealing people’s Flickr photos.

Except that the Flickr photo was apparently licensed for commercial use.  Sounds like the photographer didn’t read the user’s agreement.

I love the UK cover. Reminds me of people I might actually know, with haircuts they might actually have, body porportions they might actually attain, body hair they might actually NOT wax, in an awkward, passionate embrace you might actually see on any city street.

OK, you get my picture.

The US version might as well be titled, “My Boss’s Secret Baby” for all it tells me about the book.

(sad face)

The man on the US cover looks like he has some tits of his own

Wow, your review makes the book sound really interesting and I might buy it, but if I had just glanced at the book in a store, I would never pick it up.  I dislike submissive heroines, and the title would totally put me off. It’s set in NYC? By the cover I’d guess some ranch in the country.

Rebyj, you killed me with this:
The US version’s dude has biceps way out of proportion than the rest of his body, like implants OR he is a lefty and was alone for many years before he “took” her.

I am snorting with laughter over here. It’s elegant, classy, and y’all oh, so kill me.

Maybe the red hands are symbolic of her hard-working life… Don’t know.

Bailey

I would never buy a book with a title like this, or even glance at it more than once because I would start gagging. It smacks of “billionaire scoops up his 25-year-old virgin secretary.” BARF.

What were they THINKING?! Honestly, how is any half-brained reader supposed to find the good ones in the Harlequin Pile o’ Tacky when they get names like this?!

Glad to hear it doesn’t suck the way its title does.

M&B and Harlequin routinely reuse their own and each other’s cover art, at least in the Historical line (so presumably in other lines too). Sometimes the cover image is pretty unrelated to the book.

Better like it was kidnapped by hot Vikings and rowed swiftly across the frozen seas to Betterland and crowned queen of all of greater Betterlandia.

This tickled me to no end. Le sigh. A good laugh is always a great thing.

I’m sold. I want to read it too but you know what, I don’t know if I would have picked it up seeing the US cover.

Not that I have anything against Presents books. I love them but the US cover didnt do much for me.

Then again the heron on the UK cover looked like he was half werewolf. *shrugs*

*There isn’t a heron on the UK cover. I meant hero. (slinks away)

“That’s what I like about it. I know very thin women and I know hairy dudes, and it’s so shockingly refreshing to see real-looking people on the cover.”

and

“and I think his hairy arms are sexy, shows he has TESTOSTERONE and doesn’t spend half his paycheck for waxes.”

AMEN!!  I was going to say that my hubby’s arms look like that (except his hair is blonde, but still, there is a lot of it!) It’s refreshing to see a man that actually looks like a person I actually know LOL.  I know there are guys out there that are not hairy (no chest hair etc My mom’s whole side of the family is like that), but are ALL guys like that? Because according to romance covers no men have chest hair, arm hair, or leg hair??!!

I’m partial to guys with a little hair on them, and it’s nice to see it on a romance cover once in awhile! *wink*

Emma, now I want to read the book about the wereheron....

And count me as another “would read based on Sarah’s review, but would never pick up in store (or even library) based on the title alone”.

If I were browsing a book store, I would probably pick up a book with the UK title while snorting derisively at the US title.

Agreed that the US title sucks soft-focus cotton balls. I’m so tired of Harlequin treating us like we’re idiots and giving us these passive-heroine titles and covers. Cinderella is a fairy tale, not a biography.

And I second the motion that the models on the UK cover actually look like real people—I like that cover much better for that very reason. If the exchange rate weren’t so scary, I’d totally buy this book from amazon.co.uk. As it is, I’ll skip it entirely because I don’t want Harlequin thinking I put up with this crap.

The US cover with the thumbs? Clearly Sissy Hankshaw has escaped from Even Cowgirls Get the Blues. Better call Thursday Next. :-)

Castiron- Just for you my next shifter book is going to be about a flock of wereheron. LOL! Okay, so maybe not exactly a flock and maybe not exactly wereheron. How about dragons? Dragons are close to heron aren’t they? They both have wings, they both fly...Okay, I got nothing. *slinks away*

Thing is ... will I remember it well enough to buy it when I see it at WalMart?  One “Presents” cover is just like the other ... and like the other, and like the other.  OK, maybe it’ll be conspicuous by its lack of “greek” or “italian” or “secretary” or “boss” or “secret” or “baby” or “billionaire” in the title.

AAAND another vote for the UK cover over the US cover.

I would never have picked up the US version of this book, both the title and the cover are appalling. OMG her hand!
I think it’s a damn shame that what sounds like a fantastic story is doomed to be passed over because of the way it’s packaged.

Bad, bad harlequin.

You’re not trying to convince me to buy a Harlequin, are you Sarah? No, you’re not because I haven’t bought one of those in almost a decade. Nu uh. Not me.

But...well...it will be *forever* until Kleypas releases her next book so I could do with some filler…

I wonder if Canada gets the UK version? Probably not. :/ I’ll have to wrestle up some wrapping paper for that humdinger of a cover.

Arethusa, you could buy it as an ebook, if you like ebooks, that is. And that way you wouldn’t have to worry about the cover.

I’m sold, but I’ll cry as I hold that hideous cover in my hands.

I don’t read M&B usually, but picked this up on a recommendation and you’re right. Its well worth reading.

No one seems to have picked up on the double pun in the UK title - yes, she is “driving” in the cab, but he’s a park ranger, hence the “wild”.

One almost needs sunglasses to look at the UK cover, it’s so bright, and I don’t care for ‘scene from the book’ covers anyway (which is one reason why I hate nearly all category romance covers); but it is certainly still far, far more acceptable than the other. 

The book does sound good, and this demonstrates yet again that, since covers are ultimately merely packaging, they must never be taken into account when choosing what to read.  There is always the good old brown-paper cover if they are too humiliatingly repellent to look at.

I read no category romances at all till I was in my 40s, because I was too embarrassed even to pick them up.  After that, I didn’t care one way or the other - which is just as well considering the general standard of cover art.  It is usually just a little better here (UK) than in the USA from the purely aesthetic point of view, but the basic concepts behind the ‘wrapping paper’ of romances are still founded on a perception of the reader as a fairly simple-minded, uneducated and immature female.  This, as we all know, is not only rude and patronising, but also plain wrong.

Romance is already one of the most popular types of fiction.  I think the publishers would be surprised to see how many more readers would buy it if they went in for more dignified and attractive covers.

Hmm, can’t say I like either cover all that much, but the US one is worse, IMO.

It’s the title change that ticks me off—so much so that I will NOT buy the book in the US, even though I really want to read it.  I will ask a friend in the UK to pick it up for me and save it until I’m over there for summer, or failing that I will wait and buy it used so that Harlequin doesn’t get my $.  And then I will read it at home in private, because I don’t want anyone thinking I enjoy passive heroines (hate ‘em), which is that that title screams.

*which is WHAT that title screams. (sigh)

I was tempted to enter the Harlequin Presents contest because the prize is so good, an editor for a year. But I can’t bring myself to read that many of them, because the titles make me want to vomit.

If the heroine is a cabdriver, she presumably doesn’t have polio, so why is the woman on the cover of the UK edition holding her hands in that weird position?  Carpel tunnel syndrome, perhaps?

Laura, thanks for the link! I do, indeed, rock the ebooks.

Thanks for showing us there are some great reads out there in category, Sarah.  I also prefer the UK title and cover.  Nothing wrong with a guy who has hairy arms!  I’m kind of partial to hairy legs, too.

Take a look at the girl’s hand on the British cover.  Doesn’t that thumb look weird?  Sort of like it’s growing out of her palm or something.  I’ve been staring at my own hand, trying to get it to look like the model’s and now I have a cramp :)

Word:  been46 Yes, I have, don’t remind me how long ago

Sandy D:  OMG so funny! Clearly Thursday Next is slacking on the job. Maybe she needs to access her footnoterphone, hail the Cheshire Cat, and find out who else has escaped their covers.

I know previous discussions revealed that publishers look to category sales statistics as proof positive that these covers/titles sell. Ima think maybe that’s code for “sell as well as they did back in the ‘60s,” or “sell as well as slapping them in brown paper bags” or “sell as well as can be expected since we’re too lazy to do any real market research.”

My heart goes out to the authors, who deserve so much better. To have written something good, with care and skill, and have it packaged so inadequately is insulting.

Castiron wrote: Emma, now I want to read the book about the wereheron....

And I have just the title for it:  Wish You Were-Heron.

men81 --No, I want them a bit younger, please!

Regarding the weird angle of her right hand in the UK cover, I immediately thought that her hands were wet/dirty (from washing the cab? car? something?), and that she was embracing him while trying not to get crud on his shirt. Makes any sense to anyone besides me?

Relatively new reader here. Loved your review, though contemporaries aren’t my bag. That title change is heinous. The publisher must think U.S. readers are submissives.  And sure, some of us are, but couldn’t Harlequin at least pay SOME attention to the content of the book they’re trying to sell? 

Not to nitpick, Sarah, but I think you inadvertently twisted the standard writerly advice “show, don’t tell” around during this bit: “Cohen is particularly strong at telling, not showing...” ‘Cause this would usually be a *bad* thing in a writer.  From your glowing review it sure doesn’t sound like Cohen suffers from this problem! 

Anyway, thanks for creating such a smart, funny site.  As I dig into your archives, I’ve been falling deeper and deeper in love with your reviews and commentaries.  You’ve made me fall back in love with the genre; what better compliment can I give?

OMG< it was worth having them change the cover just to read Sarah’s review!  I lurrrved reading it, laughed my freakin fanny off, and am begging you please please please, PLEASE send this to Harlequin immediately, including every comment on this website.  Even if we (you) don’t know anybody there in titles, I’m guessing the letter will make the rounds if for no other reason, than to give the workers a big guffaw!

I also avoid series romance like the plague (except backlist for Nalini Singh).  But, if Sarah likes it...I’m willing to try.  Bet I can get a copy from PaperBackSwap.

Romance publishers are beginning to remind me of the movie “Major League”.  Where the new owner does everything she can think of to make her team to lose big, because if attendance gets really low, she can move the team to a warmer city with a new stadium.  So, what’s the prize if publishers can drive off huge numbers of romance readers?  Do they get to switch to (their beloved) chiclit and other “worthwhile” books?  Yesh, so tired of having this crap thrown at me, tired of being insulted by publishers, and tired of being asked to spend more money for it.

Absolutely no way am I going to pick up that book in a store.  I have standards you know!  (But it is available for download so I might do that-- after sending Harlequin a sharp letter.)

You’re damn right about the title...what is up with that?  Excellent review, I’m loving the brutal honesty and take-no crap attitude.

What is up with the girl having blonde hair on one cover and brown on the other?  Is the heroine blonde or brunette?

There is always the good old brown-paper cover if they are too humiliatingly repellent to look at.

But the problem there is that any purchase of the book makes Harlequin think these horrid covers and titles work as marketing—there’s no way to let them know that I bought the book despite the awful packaging. If I thought they paid the slightest attention to letters from readers, I might give it a shot, but they’re a big corporation and just don’t care.

Yes, I agree that that is the fundamental dilemma.  If we were to boycott all the books whose covers we hate, we might get the publishers to take note, but if we do that, we are punishing the authors (present and future) and ourselves as well as the publishers, and that seems a bad plan.

I follow the principle that covers are best ignored.  ‘Don’t judge a book by its cover’ is an old adage:  we need to take it to heart.  And the occasional session of sneering contemptuously at the people who make cover-art decisions in certain publishing firms can make one feel a little better.

So how do you support the author whose work you enjoy at the same time you send a clear message to the publisher that these cover and title abominations are insulting and a real deterrent to purchasing their product? Should we start sending complaints for every book we want to read but really hate to buy? The publisher is still getting their money; why would they pay attention to complaints? I do not advocate boycotting authors, not by a long shot, but there has to be another way to make our displeasure felt in a meaningful way.

I think it simply depends on how much time and effort one is prepared to expend on this particular issue.  Unfortunately, there are many other, even more serious, wrongs that need to be righted in this imperfect world, and for which we should be ready to man the barricades.  For me, trying to ensure that my light leisure reading is appropriately packaged is a long way down my list of priorities.

I think the internet is a useful weapon today, and probably a discussion like this one, especially when multiplied a hundredfold, may start to crack the fatuous complacency of some publishers’ yes-men, but I am not expecting improvements any time soon. The more influential authors may be able to help, though in general, they move out of category (and get more sophisticated covers) as soon as their reader-base is strong enough.

I don’t think there is an answer yet.  But if we can even convey to Harlequin/ M&B and some others that there is even a problem, it represents progress.  And if somebody can persuade these houses that they will sell MORE books, not less, by selecting less embarrassingly puerile covers, that would help.

I think the publisher, if they got enough letters, actually would listen -I don’t know how many constitutes ‘enough’, but it might be worth a try.
I might send a letter to them pointing out that it’s not just that the title/cover is bad, but it gives the wrong idea about the book, so people who pick it up might not enjoy it and be turned off Harlequins, and those who would enjoy it won’t buy it because of the title/cover. That might make them pay attention more than just saying I don’t like the cover/title.

‘I think the publisher, if they got enough letters, actually would listen...’

I doubt it.  The only things that make an impact on large businesses are (1) things that visibly make or lose money for them and (2) really widespread negative publicity.

:)

SBSarah sayeth,

Will younger audiences keep up the trend of buying categories and ignoring the titles? I am curious to find out.

That is the most interesting question, isn’t it? Long term research on the matter of readers buying despite covers vs buying because of the covers would appear to be in order, hm?

Paging Karen Templeton…

I think Karen has said before that the sheikh/billionaire/baby titles that so many of us loathe sell the most, and this would be in stores, not through club orders or one-click autobuys.  So we have to hope that the people who like them are older and are going to age out of the HQ market.  I’m not optimistic, though; I don’t think it’s just old people buying Presents.

But, Sunita, do they buy because they actually, honest to goodness, like them? Or do they buy because they’ve been conditioned, through lack of alternative offerings for decades, to identify them as the only thing there? That would be interesting to know, I think.

Although I like the UK cover better, I don’t find anything particularly offensive about the other.  Sure, it’s a smooth, sanitized image, but it probably appeals to a broader base of women (and men) than, say, hairy arms.  While the content of the book doesn’t seem reflected by the US cover, and the sexual politics of the title change are troublesome, the woman’s position is not exactly submissive.  Looks like she’s about to cowgirl up.

Remember this is the company that could not find a way to market the Bombshell line- although after the fact I did read a few and thought them entertaining-- Rachel Caine’s Red Letter books for two.

Wow, this book sounds fun and super-cute.  But, like everyone else, I find the title change insulting.  The cover is just the yucky icing and the moldy cake.

Is there a place I could buy the UK version of this book online?  That way, author would still get her money, but Harlequin wouldn’t.  Maybe if more people started doing this, and there was a sudden spike in the selling of the better UK titles while HQ sales of the same titled book went down, HQ might listen.

Ooops, I meant yucky icing ON the moldy cake.

Since I consider myself part of the younger generation (and on a tight budget!), I’ll say that the trend might continue. My personal experience and the experience of those I’d witnessed is buying an M&B/Harlequin might continue because it’s cheap and easy (to buy/read). The category romance lines seems to get the most exposure from being stocked generically everywhere (along with Nora Roberts). I moved on to chick lit after the categories in an unconscious effort to branch out; only awareness of the good singles comes from the internetz. It is more expensive and more difficult to buy singles so I need someone to point out which’re the best…

The UK’s romance publishing wasn’t the best around and rather badly written chick lit heavy (no Crusie, anywhere, and she seems to warrant being thrown in with the chick lit, at least?). They’re getting better.

Rambly conclusion: Harlequin will continue to profit, but singles have possibly more exposure due to internetz.

Spamword: ‘hospital36’ Why, yes, exactly where I want to be at 36. I shall rule them all, I tell you. I wantz me a good medical romance; the pick of M&B this month’s all secret babies and past relationships… and Italians.

Oh, um, just so that we don’t have too many misconceptions, there are many horrid titles within the UK too.

Mills & Boon Uk examples.

Securityword this time? ‘same46’. Thank you for agreeing with me, random word+number generator.

Thanks for the link! C.M.
Did anyone scroll down? Take a look at the UK cover for sold to the highest bidder.
Ring any bells??
;)

Oh, crap, lol! CJ! I did not notice that...!

There we go with the recycling...!

spamword: ‘second57’ Yes… second time I’ve seen that. Coincidental discovery or what…

Azteclady, I think there is definitely *some* conditioning going on.  After all, I have bought and thoroughly enjoyed books with Billionaire, Virgin, and other revolting signifiers in the titles, so now I’m less likely to let the titles govern my choices.  But if they were as turned off by the titles as we are, then they should avoid those books in favor of good books with better titles.  If they are indifferent, then the title shouldn’t affect the sales rate, i.e., they shouldn’t sell better than the others.

If we wanted to do this right, we should control for the effects of authors, covers, and titles on sales, so that we could isolate the independent effects of each.  I can see it now, at the next sociology meetings:  “The Sheikh’s Virgin Reward: A Multivariate Statistical Analysis of HQ Covers and Titles.” I am sooo there.

Hi,

I venture here at my peril but… I haven’t read this particular book by Julie but I have read some of her other ‘Presents’ and her books for Little Black Dress, which is a funky UK imprint from Headline.

I will declare an interest here: I also write for Headline LBD. I am also a huge fan of Harlequin books and many of their authors are dear friends but I have a big problem with this title. No way are Julie’s heroines ‘His for the Taking’. I can’t imagine a Julie Cohen heroine being anybody’s for the taking. Absolutely not.

I think that this type of title doesn’t reflect the essence of her writing which is edgy, funny and very contemporary. She’s a breath of fresh air and deserves a title that’s a breath of fresh air.

You know it’s time to bail when the circumference of a man’s biceps exceeds that of his waist.

See though, their evil cover choice had a silver lining: we got to read an awesome and astute rant about it! I HATE when people ignore the characters when producing the cover art (sci fi is another genre that is usually guilty of this) and I love that we can enjoy romance novels while still holding them up to a hardcore standard of what I would call… feminist anti-suck-ery.

I just read this book and yes, it was quite lovely. It was the first category romance I’ve read since jr. high, ha.

The title makes no sense.

The pigeon’s a nice touch.

Brava. That’s an appalling title.