said on...
That was ALL KINDS of awesome!
And hey, happy Independence Day to all you Americans.
Categories: The Link-O-Lator
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by Candy • Saturday, May 07, 2005 at 10:27 AM
Ohhhh, I loves it when Mrs. Giggles goes on a tear and makes fun of romance novel conventions. This time she rips romantic suspense a new one. And it’s SO entertaining. If anything or anyone could ever induce me to use that throbbing heart animated GIF in an actual blog entry, I’m thinking Mrs. Giggles would probably be it.
You know what, personally, bugs me the most about romantic suspense? (And I mean in all its forms--book, TV and movie.) That the agents stand out so much from the general population. They practically scream “HEY LOOK AT ME! I’M A COVERT AGENT! AND I’M GOOOOOD IN BED! YEAH!” I’m thinking being so conspicuous would seriously fuck up your cover, and make you an easy target for enemy agents.
The lack of muscle tone in most of the women playing secret agents/assassins in movies and TV also bothers me. Yeah, I know, I’m one to talk, Miss Lacks-biceps-so-severely-her-arms-are-almost-concave, but all those anorexic women walking around throwing unconvincing punches bothers me a LOT. What, they can’t hire women who don’t deliberately yak the two leaves of lettuce they had for lunch to play secret agents? Oh wait, it’s Hollywood. Right.
Ditto all of these agents sashaying around and assassinatin’ fools in super-shiny PVC bodysuits and patent leather spiky boots. The perfect secret agent, in my opinion, looks pretty unobtrusive, wears sensible shoes (have you tried WALKING in 5-inch spiked heels, much less running full-tilt-boogie in those fuckers without having either the heel of the shoe or your ankle snap clean off?) and dresses in comfortable clothing that allows them a full range of motion without fear that delivering a roundhouse kick will rip the seams in embarrassing places.
Yes, yes, I know, it’s fiction, blah blah blah, and sexy is nice, but for once I’d like to read about or watch secret agents and assassins who look, or at least dress and work, like Jean Reno in The Professional. Because I remember watching that movie about ten years ago and thinking “Holy shit! It makes so much more sense for an assassin to dress like a normal person.”
Ahem. Sorry. Enough ranting. On to the next bit of link-whoring:
Meljean has come up with some roll-on-the-floor, piss-your-pants funny shit in her entries about re-visiting old romance novel favorites. So far, she’s covered her first romance novel and her first DIK. Go! Read! Plotz!
The spiked heels always bothered me, not only in agent roles but also the usual B-grade horror flick. Half the time you’re either screeching at the TV, movie screen or book “Stupid woman, kick off the shoes and RUN!” But I guess their calves look much sexier in heels than tennis shoes. Hollywood and the like certainly has its priorties.
Off to check out links. Thanks!
“ Secret agent heroes have names like Ace Jaxxon, Striker Shooter, Nick Scorpion, Alex Hawk, and other names previously reserved for WWE wrestlers and Cassie Edwards’ heroes.”
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA
And my fave - the secret agent heroine often has some clerical-esque job like translating or data synthesizing or code breaking - something that keeps away from those big, nasty, and oh-so-masculine guns!!
05.07.05 at 04:24 PM |