Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

You realize, Fabio is discreetly telling you you have bad breath. Oh the humiliation! Dissed by The Mantitty!

How did A Martinez end up as Romance Novel Worthy? Soap operas? Is Oral B lacking even one Chicano hero?

And “A” doesn’t read proficiently either.

You mean the cheap git doesn’t even get you a decent power toothbrush with four unique brushing modes including massage option after driving you into a frenzy of lust???

(I can’t have been the only one who went to a school where all electric toothbrushes were banned because our very earnest housemistresses were concerned about their “inappropriate use” by female pupils… At a very young 13, I spent hours puzzling over what this might mean. Now I just wonder which one first thought of this, and how on earth these poor ladies communicated the idea with one another. I mean, ewww???)

I still love the fact that you have a date with Fabio AND your best friend!  A Fabio sandwich!  Ew.

I enjoyed this site a lot when I plugged myself into the romance with Tia Careere.  I mean, given a choice between her, Fabio and Martinez she clearly seemed like the best choice.

OH, God. Dear God. I now have to scrub out my brain with bleach every time I see an Oral-B product. Mantitty and Oral-B, my God. What’s next, Pantene and cameltoe?

If Fabio, the cheap betitted one, gets you a toothbrush, are you required to buy him a hairbrush? Or Shower to Shower for his manly breeches?

Just askin’…

Um. Ew? Fabio? Ew?? Am I the only one who thinks he looks like a humanized horse???

I’d rather use the super-powered toothbrush on sensitive areas and dream of Johnny Depp, thankyouverymuch.

‘electric toothbrushes were banned because our very earnest housemistresses were concerned about their “inappropriate use” by female pupils…’

The bristled end? ewww!

Fabio needs an intervention…

If one of the choices was Adrian Paul I don’t know .. He must still be able to find a job.

SCREAMING with laughter!  Oh dear Lord… but I suppose we can expect no better of any company with ORAL in its name.

Fate’s Forest of Feeling sounds like it’d have some mossy love grottos in it.  Oh, let’s picture it, shall we? Fabulous and a mossy love grotto!  *shudder* Just the thought makes me want to grab a toothbrush… and scour my brain with it.

LMFAO-!!!

Fabio says: “Again, my eyes fill with tears. I must confess to keeping somethign from you: I broke all the bones in the hand you are squeezing in a puppeteering mishap only hours before I met you. But joy defeats my pain! Who knew that a traveling puppeteer such as I would find happiness here with the daughter of a billionaire industrialist?”

WTF?!?!?! I am dying with laughter… this is too pathetico! And who the hell chose these celebs? Fabio may be a classic (or was), but Martinez!? EW!!

Quick feminist alert… why does it always imply it’s the woman who’s using the toothbrush? Even Tia Carrere says SHE is using it, not him.

Not only are they cheap on celebs but they’re sexist, too! (Although their Photoshopper deserves credit...)

I’m contemplating the meeting that led to this:

Marketing Dork #1: We need to make our product appeal to women.

Marketing Dork #2: Well, chicks like romance novels, right? Why don’t we tie in to that?

MD#1: Yeah! We can make it all romantic and crap.

MD#2: Who’s that guy--he did the margarine commercials or whatever? The Italian guy?

MD#1: Fab-something. Fabio?

MD#2: Yeah, that guy. If he can sell fake butter, he can sell toothbrushes. We’ll run a contest! Win a date with him!

MD#1: We’ll give contestants their own story! I can write it. Romance books are cheap crap and easy to write!

::facepalm::

I hope there was at least one marketing person who tried to stop this train wreck and is now biting his or her lips not to dance around singing “I told you so!”

---------
(waves hello to everyone. Longtime lurker, first time poster.)

A bit on Fabio marketing and THIS was not mentioned?

http://hunks.tasteyoulove.com/

For shame.

I read the other one--where Fabio and I get engaged--and I cried I laughed so hard when the page turned and revealed that he was gasp! a puppeteer. No more complaining about all the heroes having the same jobs…

oh, hey, did anyone notice that on the tassled bookmark that pops up at the end, the toothbrushes are positioned, um, kind of like they’re in bed. the pink girl one is on its back looking at the ceiling, and the green man one has rolled over on his side, passed out in post-coital toothbrush exhaustion.

“You may click and drag at edges to turn pages, dear.”

Wow.  Even the little directions at the bottom of the page are condescending.