said on...
said on...
I also remember reading these, not many, but they exist. I don’t remember any titles though.
Categories: The Link-O-Lator
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by Candy • Monday, March 21, 2005 at 08:14 PM
You! Yes, YOU! You need to read this hilarious piece Beth wrote about romance novels and nookie. Like NOW. Because it will make you laugh until you plotz.
And now for an Unnecessary Personal Revelation: romance novels never elevated any expectations I might’ve had about how good orgasms were going to be because uh, well, I was having orgasms years and years before I picked up a romance novel. Let’s just say I was very curious, very young about my body. What I DID expect, though, based on what I learned in romance novels, was copious amounts of blood and massive, tearing pain when I lost my virginity. Which, of course, didn’t happen at all. It wasn’t fireworks, and the earth didn’t move, but neither did I need to be rushed into the ER for 25 stitches and a blood transfusion like what I was half-expecting. So hey, at least my surprise was pleasant!
Addendum: Oh, and I was so excited I forgot to note that the entry was created in honor of Smart Bitches Day, a day so decreed by Beth. Holy shit. Sarah and I get our very own day. ROCK!
*giggle* I had the same virginal expectation—I was actually disappointed by the lack of pain...like I’d missed a heroine’s rite of passage or something. :D
I’d (mostly) stopped reading the things by the time I had sex - and, um, secret: I was so high when I finally did that I don’t remember whether it was good, bad, or in a hole filled with mud. Don’t tell my man.
I DO remember that my Barbie playing was ne’er so innocent after my first romance novel (Laurie McBain’s “Moonstruck Madness") and there was a reason why I played dialogue in my head, and sat in the corner as a mute child mashing dolls’ faces and genitals against one another. Ahem.
I tried to read Beth’s piece but got an error 404 message! Help! I need to plotz.
TTFN, LLB
Oh how weird! Between me posting the link last night and this morning, the Permalink URL for the entry changed. I’ve fixed it. So go go go read and plotz! READ AND PLOTZ!
Oh, and arp: My Barbie play remained entirely innocent except for one time when I was about 9 years old when I was in a really, really bad mood and I wanted to take it out on the dolls. So I made Ken do the most disgusting thing I could imagine anyone doing to someone else: I made him go down on Barbie. I was like “HAHAHA, this is sooooo gross, I bet Ken is really pissed off.”
About four years later, Anne Stuart’s Special Gifts alerted me to the fact that PEOPLE ACTUALLY DO THIS FOR FUN. That maybe, just maybe, Ken and Barbie wouldn’t have been all that pissed off. Although come to think of it, I bet Ken wished I’d made him do that to GI Joe instead because I’ve always gotten That Vibe from him. Anyway, talk about a paradigm shift....
I clicked, I saw, I read...I plotzed.
TTFN, LLB
Oh boy did this bring me back to the days under the covers with a flashlight and a romance novel ... LOVED it.
Glad you plotzed. I think. (I’m assuming that plotzing is not necessarily a good thing, unless it occurs as a direct result of excessive laughter.) And I feel like I should state up front that my blog’s not always funny. In fact, I didn’t even think of that as funny since it was basically just me, talking like how I talk. I’m pretty clueless, see, but glad you enjoyed it.:)
But anyway, you guys totally DESERVE a day in your honors’s’s’s. You make me remember the fun part of the Romance genre - gabbing about it with the girlfriends.
and you will always get Beth declaring she’s not funny, etc. OK, it’s just the way she is. But she is my friend with the most wicked sense of perception around. So I always recommend reading Beth and viewing the world ala Beth.
Yeah, plotzing from laughter = good, plotzing from something like, ebola or hantavirus = not so good. And Beth: you are comedy gold. Consistently so, actually. The way you phrase certain things--I don’t know, you’ve got that comic timing down. I really, really dig the way you write, which is why I visit Sum of Me every day. Even entries filled with minutiae like you waiting for the UPS man all day only to have him scramble into his truck 30 milliseconds after he rings your doorbell? Hilarious. But hey, better that you’re bemused by our admiration than for you to be all “That’s right, bitches, I’m FUNNY. Worship me, fools.”
I never said you shouldn’t worship me.
OH SHIT
03.21.05 at 08:51 PM |