Name That Sex Toy

Hello, kitty, indeed! Thanks to the 5th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals, Texans can have their sex toys back. Hooray!

So – a Smart Bitch Contest ahoy! Name that Texas Vibrator! (Doesn’t that sound almost like a Harlequin Presents title?)

Post your entry in the comments. Vote for your favorite, again, in the comments.

Winner shall receive: An Actual Vibrator!

Thanks to Teddy Pig, I have hidden in my china cabinet (no, that’s not a euphemism) a genuine, bonafide adorably pink Hello Kitty “personal massager.”

Whosoever posts the best name for a Texas Vibrator as voted on by the Bitchery shall win their very own “personal massager” – and you can interpret the terms “Texas” and “Vibrator” however you want. If you mention biscuit-lovin’ cowboys, more power to you – hmmmm hah!

I will ship just about anywhere, except the Mir space station (sorry, floating folks), so get creative, no matter where you’re located. Entries and voting begin now, and comments and voting will close tomorrow at 8am Eastern time.

Ready, set, go!

Comments are Closed

  1. Tina says:

    The Texas Long Horn
    Because EVERYTHING’S bigger in Texas!!

  2. Cori says:

    The Yellin’ Rose… with optional Buckin’ Bronco attachment!

  3. KateyJ says:

    Aw, heck with it. I’ll just post up what popped into my head first…

    “Thuh Texas Tornado” – sure does twirl things up some! N’ can be a real devil for busting up m’home, when the husband finds it.

    Meh, maybe not?

    My second thought was based on general red-nekkidness,

    “The Good Ol’ Boy”

    Tah, ladies! Looking forward to some hilarity! Bring it on!

  4. Wendy says:

    Cuz I love me some westerns, I’m going with:

    The Ride ‘Em Cowgirl

    YeeHaw!

  5. phadem says:

    The Tumbleweed Tangler

    So help me gawd, I just couldn’t think of anything else after it popped into my head. Angels ‘o mercy, don’t smote me now.

  6. --E says:

    “The Buckaroo”
    “The Stampeder”

    I’m not so great on the names, but I came up with a couple of catchphrases I liked:

    “This will make you forget the Alamo!”

    “For the nights when you’re a Lone Star!”

  7. darlynne says:

    The Texas Poker: You can hold her and squeeze her and call her your own.

  8. Rosemary says:

    Since it’s the official Texas Stone as voted by the Legislature in 1969…

    The Texas Petrified Palmwood.

  9. Yvonne says:

    I thought of this one first:
    “The Strapping Texan”
    It has interesting associations.

    Then up popped this one:
    “The Turgid Texan”

    I guess I like alliteration.

    “I dearly love the state of Texas, but I consider that a harmless perversion on my part, and discuss it only with consenting adults.” – Molly Ivins

  10. SB Sarah says:

    Between the Palmwood and “For the nights when you’re a Lone Star!” I’m going to have abs of steel from all my laughing.

  11. Brandi says:

    “Top Drive Drillin’ Rig—Buck Up and Strike Yourself a Wildcat Gusher!”

  12. Bronwyn says:

    Southern Comfort?

  13. azteclady says:

    The Lone Pussy—Take her on for the ride of your life!

    (okay, so I suck at these things—sue me!)

    spamfoiler: try92—no, not even 92 tries would improve my efforts.

  14. Nonseq says:

    Let’s just call it, “The Alamo…for a night you’ll never forget!”

  15. Barb Ferrer says:

    “Top Drive Drillin’ Rig—Buck Up and Strike Yourself a Wildcat Gusher!”

    can’t…

    breathe…

    laughing…

  16. Karen says:

    Figure I try though I am not all that familiar with Texas lol

    For shits and giggles:

    Big Booty Thumper

    also….

    Starry Bullrider (couldn’t resist)

    and….

    Buckin’ Harder Vib

    Also as a oxymoron,

    Little Riding Bull Vibrator (what? Size doesn’t really matter much as long as you get off…)

    Okay I’ll stop. 

    Cheers!

  17. Jaci Burton says:

    The Yee Hah Hoo Hah Happy Hoedown Handheld

    The Wild Buck-her-Roo

    The Sweet Little Fill-ee

    The Big As Tex-ass anal vibe

    Wow…this is fun. I’ll keep thinking….

  18. Lorelie says:

    The Whistlin’ Dixie – Because you know you love life south of the Mason-Dixon!

  19. Kit says:

    The Texas Blue Bullet?

    No, wait!

    The Bronco Buzz-ter!

    “Saddle up for the ride of your life – and try to last eight seconds!”

    (Okay, maybe not.)

  20. Jackie says:

    Don’t Sex With Texas

    The Best Bull

    The Brahma Bull

    Supper Before Grace

    The Big Dog (as in, “Running with the big dogs”)

    The Yippie-Kay-Yay

  21. robinb says:

    How about the “No Delay” Sorry, couldn’t resist political humor.

    Ride n fly?

    Longhorn-y personal massager?

  22. Heidi says:

    ROFL – Hard to think when you’re laughing this hard…

    How about:

    Big Tex
    The Lone Ranger
    Cowboy UP
    The Wild Wild Western

    LMAO – This is fun

  23. KateyJ says:

    The Saddle Horn…just get a grip and ride it out!

  24. Julie says:

    It will be hard to top the Long Horn but here goes:

    The Amar-dildo

    The CowPoke

    🙂

  25. E.D'Trix says:

    The Long, Tall Texan—for the woman who likes her biscuits buttered.

  26. Beth says:

    How about the Rooter Tooter?  On second thought, that sounds like something you’d clean your drain with…

  27. Lorelie says:

    The Full Metal Jacket – For both steers and queers!

    (I’ve been trying like hell to make something work with “The Yellow Rose of Texas” but I just can’t do it.  So I hand it off to better minds than me.)

  28. michelle says:

    So far I’ve got:

    The Texarkana Tickler
    The Jackrabbit
    The Panhandler

    And my personal favorite,
    The Prairie Home Companion

  29. DianeN says:

    Cowboy UP—love it! I don’t have any Texas-oriented suggestions, but when I saw the prize all I could think of was Hello Clitty…

  30. PattiR says:

    How about:
    ‘The Best Little Dildo in Texas’
    Naturally only sold at ‘The Best little Whore House in Texas’. 

    No?  ok, let me see…how about naming it after an actual city in Texas somthing like:

    Enis, the Penis
    Your ‘personal massager’ for a realistic feel of Texas.

    ok – that is all I got.

  31. Angela James says:

    Do I want to know why Teddy Pig had a Hello Kitty vibrator and why he sent it to you?

    There’s something so…wrong and yet so cute about that vibrator.

  32. The Everything’s Bigger in Texas Extra Longhorn

  33. Ok, wait…how did I miss that first comment up there?

    It feels like such a Monday to me 🙁

  34. Castiron says:

    The BlueBonnet Buzzer (lupine-shaped for her pleasure!).

    The Pink Dome, in honor of our state capital building.

    To accompany the above-mentioned Long Horn, the Twelfth Man vibrator, in maroon of course.

    The Molly Ivins Memorial Vibrator.

    (I want to make a joke about the Wild De-Flower Center, but the ghost of Lady Bird Johnson is going to kick my butt just for thinking that.)

  35. Aubrey says:

    Let’s see…

    Bum Steer Anal Vibe (we have The Bum Steer awards here in Texas for football)

    The Rattler

    The Blue Bonnet cock ring

    The Bush Whacker personal shaver

    The Down South Padre

    Dr. Pecker (since Texas is the birthplace of Dr. Pepper)

    The Big Tex (after Big Tex himself, of course)

    The Blue Bullet

  36. Kaite says:

    All I can think of is Texas Red chili, which actually makes me kind of…uncomfortable to think about in conjunction with delicate lady bits! I do like the oil well ideas, though, so I’ll have to come up with something…..

    Actually, you could just call it The Texas Pumpjack (a type of oil rig.) That sounds vaguely appropriate. Drive the piston pump into the borehole. Heh, heh, heh.

    Ok, that was lame. I’ll go away and think some more.

  37. Heidi says:

    Oh man, oil talk made me think of
    The Big Rig
    LMAO at the names coming up here
    😉

  38. Yvonne says:

    You guys are making me snort-laugh!
    And DianeN: Hello Clitty? What are you trying to do to me?

    “Roughneck Roundup”

    “Texas Red Hot”

  39. SonomaLass says:

    In honor of JFK, may I suggest:

    The Magic Bullet

  40. Ceiba says:

    When you no longer have a dancing partner to do the “Boot Scoot Boogie”  you need to   check out the “Butt Scooch Buddy.”

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