Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

That is one long thumb the lady has in the first one.  Looks like half a squid is on the guy’s back.  And he isn’t clawing off her shoulder.  He appears to be holding onto her hump.

--Dude, I’d totally read a hermaphrodite secret baby cowboy romance. F’real.--

*cough* I’m sure I’ve read that story somewhere in the vastness of Harry Potter fanfiction. 

*shudders at the thought of Mpreg*

#1: Which way is that woman facing? Her shoulder is facing away from him and her arm is facing towards him. I’d look at her neck but she doesn’t have one.

#2: Silly mpreg man, don’t you know that drinking while pregnant is dangerous? (Also, it looks like he’s got his own magnum, if you know what I mean and I think you do. He also looks so bored by the photo shoot that he’s reduced to staring out the window.)

#3: He’s not the average cowboy. He’s a salesman for Alber- I mean Montana Boot. I’m not surprised his face looks dirty, though; that shelf of hair is probably protecting it from the rain.

Also: TURQUOISE cowboy boots? Okay, that’s the most brain-bleaching thing I’ve ever seen on this site.

The second one reminds me of this (not romantic) old bad cover chestnut:

http://judgeabook.blogspot.com/2007/07/phallic-phriday.html

Freezair - BRAHAHAAHAHA

Someone hand me the brain bleach please

So I take it that no one looks at the covers before it goes to print? Seriously tanned only on one side? And what’s with the girl behind the bench?

That girl looks like the tiniest of vampires, sizing up the woman’s neck for one of her bat-winged nightly feasts.

Her dimples are so dangerously huge, she can probably hide change in them.

The guy in #3 seems to have his eyes on the little girl, not the woman, but that might be because the woman seems to be grinning inanely at a ghost standing about six inches to the right of the toe of her boot.

Guy #2 looks eerily like Rich Eisen from NFL Network.

You know, with a totally phallic champagne bottle.

Oh wow!

OK cover #2… The guy is going commando in white slacks!
This is a big MAN LAW no-no because frankly he will have to use the bathroom eventually and no one shakes that well. In other words he is gonna get found out by the wet spot.

Now #3… What is going on under her foot he is holding? Is it me? It looks like it was blurred or he has a tumor.

You gals make me laugh so hard I cry!

Thank you for making an otherwise dreary day spectacular!

Charlotte
http://charlotteforbes.blogspot.com/

Teddy, I think it’s supposed to be something on the shelf behind him, but I prefer to think it’s a ghost fart.

And now I am returning to my work.

Oh, my.  I’m just waiting for #2 cork to pop.

Anne, #2 would have been better if the cork had popped and the champagne was gushing out.  Too much subtlety the way it is now.

And #3?  Even foot fetishists deserve some Harlequin romance HEAs.

I initially thought #3 was a welly-boot salesman… which was a weird moment as I tried to work out the link. Cowboy and shoe salesman aren’t all that much closer though. Either that or she’s Imelda Marcos’ understudy back from another expedition, just to shoehorn another feminine stereotype into the mix I strongly suspect already lurks betwixt those covers.

The guy on cover #2 should have a sign stapled to his crotch that reads, “WARNING--CONTAINS PENIS!!!” It’d be more subtle.

Well Happy 24th birthday to me! I can’t get over the first cover and then those hooooorrid turquoise cowboy boots. I love Cover Fug. In a painful way.

In #3, what in the world is her left foot resting on?  Because it sure isn’t the floor…

That’s got to be the highest bench or the shortest woman I’ve ever seen on the cover of a book. *squints* Or maybe it’s a low floor.

Cover #3…
The day they put Jethro Clampett on a book cover is the day I don’t need to read that book. Honest to goodness, come on.

And cover #2, that guy must be pinky sized or they wouldn’t need to emphasize it quite that much. I just feel sorry for the poor heroine.

You ladies just crack me up.

Wait! Wait!
Cover #3!!!

Upon closer inspection, she has to be an amputee. There is NO foot that I can see at the bottom of those pants. And honestly, toes should peek out or something.

Dear God, the last time I saw something like number #2 was over at the CPSLK_barrowman community, a blog community devoted to lolcatting woody shots of John Barrowman.

[rummage]

Ah yes, some fine examples here:
http://community.livejournal.com/cpslk_barrowman/1784.html
and here:
http://community.livejournal.com/cpslk_barrowman/3907.html

(Warning—the title bar on those uses a rapidly flashing picture that is not epilipsy or migraine-friendly. Scroll down fast.)

Oooo...be prepared to be contacted by People magazine, for you’ve uncovered a big, badass Kurt Russell secret.  During a dry spell, he dyed his hair black and agreed to play pocket-pool on a book cover just to earn enough money to keep his vineyard going.

Judge not lest ye be judged.

Bailey - you can see her little pedicured toes resting on top of a box or something, just below the hem of her pantleg and to the right of the tall burgundy boot. At least, I think those are her toes.

Expecting the Cowboy’s Baby

You know… there is not really any way to write a story to match that title that wouldn’t suck.

So #1, anybody else thinking Niki/Jessica/Gina from Heroes? Blond? Check. Beautiful? Check. Severe Multiple Personality Disorder? I’m thinking big Check! That guy she’s hugging better watch out or she’ll beat him to death with her bare hands! Nothing like an angry 2nd personality with superstrength to make your date run in fear. Beware the Lady in the Mirror!